Finavair Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Hey there. So my boyfriend of 4 yrs dumped me last week. It was very sudden and i was truly heart broken. However, we talked and we both agreed that we had fell apart, that we were still best friends, and that he could see us together again in the future. At first i was ok but now im not so sure. He calls me all the time to hang out, he flirts with me, he says he's VERY sexually atracted to me, and he even tries to kiss me. He says he trys to kiss me out of habbit but it hasnt stopped and he dosnt seem to make an effort to. I relize that im still very much in love with him and i still believe he is the one for me. i love him with my whole heart and he says he still loves me but he dosnt want to be in a relationship. Do i have a chance at getting him back for good? Please help me i really want him back!!!!!!! Thanks!
MatsumeKazuo Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Finavair, I don't know if I see a future in this. I mean, four years is such a long time to just up and leave like that - and leave you so heartbroken. I would try and get over this relationship, because it seems to me that he only wants to have a physical relationship with you from now on.
gonetildecember Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I agree. i've done the trying to be friends with an ex thing.. and one person always suffers.. usually the dumpee. he probably had time to contemplate about ending things and therefore, is more prepared to see you as a friend, whereas you are still very much in love with him and into things so its harder for you to just make that transition. Are you guys still sexual and all that? Is it still comforting for you guys to hang out because you're getting the benefits of a real relationship, without the commitment? Just be careful! It's quite easy to get hurt in this sort of situation. A future is always possible.. maybe he just needed a break to realise what he wants/what is important... but you have to accept the fact that it may not ever happen.
Author Finavair Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Um can more people please answer this i really need the help. Especialy if you have somthing positive to tell me. I really do want him back. Thanks
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 I'm going through that right now. Mine dumped me, but he still acts like we are together. The only thing that has changed are his words. His actions are still the same - like nothing happened. The week after we broke up, he bought me a ring. Confusing, eh? I asked him this weekend if he still considered me his girlfriend since we broke up, and he said 'no' - more like a friend he loves. Yet, we spent the rest of the weekend together like usual. What to do? I'm fighting to stay together, but I know this one truth: if I walked away, I think he'd let me. He is accepting my affections, and reciprocating them - that does not mean he wants me back as his girlfriend. I know that I need to walk away, because every day I spend this way as his "not girlfriend" is eating away at me. I know that one day he will find someone new, and I will have to step aside. My future went from spending the rest of my life with him, to being the fill-in until he finds someone he really wants to be with, whose situation is more in line with what he wants in life. Right now, for various reasons I don't have the strength to walk away - but I'm getting there. And one day, probably soon - I will. Will he come after me? I don't know. I expect by the time I get up the lack of feeling to walk away I won't care. I know you want to hear something that will give you the magic answer of 'how to get your ex back' and I'm telling you this - the only chance you have is to walk away. Right now, he gets everything he wants from you without having to actually have a relationship with you in order to get it. If you want to see how willing he is to hold on to that, you have to take it away and walk away from him. Be forewarned - do not walk away unless you are willing to accept that when you do, he may simply just let you go. Its a chance you have to take, but it really is the only chance you have at seeing if he is willing to do what it takes to get you back in his life: that is, he will have to get back together with you, if he wants you in his life at all.
shadowofman Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 So, the only thing that has changed in your relationships is the possession (commitment)? Sounds like the guys have just forced themselves out of monogamous social contracts. Nothing has changed about how they feel about you, but they are no longer your possessions. If you prefer monogamous relationships, you should be interested in people that also want to be possessed. Sometimes people suggest that they want a monogamous relationship, but after that romantic honeymoon is over, they realize that what they really want is to not be possessed by anyone. People crave love, but they also crave freedom.
Lovegod Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Cut contact with him and move on with your life. You're not going to get over him if he's still flirting with you. As for getting him back, why would you want him back? He ditched you and he's still treating you like his girlfriend.
acrosstheroom Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 Hey there. So my boyfriend of 4 yrs dumped me last week. It was very sudden and i was truly heart broken. However, we talked and we both agreed that we had fell apart, that we were still best friends, and that he could see us together again in the future. At first i was ok but now im not so sure. He calls me all the time to hang out, he flirts with me, he says he's VERY sexually atracted to me, and he even tries to kiss me. He says he trys to kiss me out of habbit but it hasnt stopped and he dosnt seem to make an effort to. I relize that im still very much in love with him and i still believe he is the one for me. i love him with my whole heart and he says he still loves me but he dosnt want to be in a relationship. Do i have a chance at getting him back for good? Please help me i really want him back!!!!!!! Thanks! I’ll be brutally honest with you on this, mostly because a close friend of mine(female), had her BF of 3 years do the exact same thing happen to her about 3 months ago. He said the exact same thing, did the exact same things such as kissing, flirting, etc. and it turns out that he had been seeing two other girls while stringing her along and now she is a complete mess. I don’t know all of the details from your relationship, so I will do my best. What he is doing to you is not fair at all, not one bit! This guy that loved you for so long out of the blue decides he doesn’t want to be with you? But yet he still acts like you’re his GF, flirts with you, touches you, wants to be intimate, but doesn’t want any type of commitment or obligation to you?!? This guy doesn’t deserve you! Drop this guy right away, tell him that it’s not fair to put you through this emotional torture and he is an a$$ hole for thinking he can have you when he wants be go out and be with other women. That is the only reason at all that I can think of that he would want to break up, is that he wants to be with other women. Don’t let yourself be fooled with his reasoning, games, or anything! Guys can be very convincing, sneaky, and will say a lot of things to get what the want. Tell him this today, get all your stuff from him etc. Cut off all contact from him and go out with your friends as much as you can. See your family, friends, don’t sit at home and dwell and think about how you can get him back….he doesn’t deserve you!
Author Finavair Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 Ok well what do you think about the fact that its been almost a month and he hasnt told his family yet. I was at his house alot this weekend and it was like nothing changed. Whats up with that?
Kamille Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Sounds like what is up is that you are in a very painful and very impossible position. Two things: he is putting you there and you are accepting it. I don't want to sound pessimistic but only once was I sold the 'maybe' later variety and it hurt like hell: I spent months hanging on, trying to prove and convince my ex that I was the ideal partner for him and he eventually met someone else. While still having sex with me. The worst part was the number it did on my self-esteem. Now I refuse 'maybe later' or when I hear it I say 'well get in touch with me once you make up your mind'. And it's unfair - I would even say selfish- for him to put a woman he shared his life with for four years in that position. Does he realize how vulnerable a position you are in? Did you ask him why he hasn't told his family?
EYECANDY000 Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 The best thing to do is just keep your distance with this guy. It seems that he does care for you but only in a friendship kind of way, or maybe he just isnt ready for a commitment. The best thing to do is just try not to speak with him so often because you may only be setting yourself up for failure. He is for sure sending mixed signals
marlena Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 I am afraid it is rather obvious that the two of you are not on the same page. He does not want a commitment but he is still wants the benefits of having you around on his terms. This is very unfair! It also shows that he is not at all considerate of your feelings. After four long years, he demotes you to a friends status and keeps you hanging in limbo. I honestly don't understand how you can accept this insult. His pseudo breaking up with you allows him to be a cakeater. He can have you dangling on a string while at the same time being free to see other women or even start a new relationship. I personally would not be bale to handle the pain and the insecurity of it all! I would want the man I love to be with me heart and soul. But of course this is just me. If you think you can handle a FWB relationship, then, fine. Go ahead with it. If on the other hand it is causing you much misery, then, walk away with your head held high!
Jilly Bean Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 I think he's trying to get his cake and eat it, too. Meaning, he does not want a commited relationship with you, but you're fine for sex and companionship while he looks for someone better. I would let him go. And if he comes back, great. But sticking around and allowing this situation isn't helping you any...
Krytie TV Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Ok well what do you think about the fact that its been almost a month and he hasnt told his family yet. I was at his house alot this weekend and it was like nothing changed. Whats up with that? It seems pretty clear that you're fishing for people to tell you there's hope. That's not happening so you likely won't get anything out of this thread unless you can entertain the thought that it's not a good prognosis. Only then can you talk about how to handle it.
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