Steffie575 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 So yesterday was my birthday. I made a post on here because I was so sad and depressed and I couldnt stop crying. (Thanks for making me feel better everybody!) I just gotta post what happened. So heres the thing. My ex of 6 yrs and I broke up 2 months ago and I have been hurting majorly as everyone knows from my posts. At first I texted and called everyday trying to talkin to him and he ignored me. So in my hopeful state I started NC and was successful with not contacting him for about a month. The sole reason for the NC? I had this idea that if I didnt try to talk to him for a month, he would miss me on my birthday and call me then. So almost the whole day passes yesterday, no call from him. So I cave in and write: "So no call even on my birthday?" and he responds, "Sorry, happy birthday Stephanie." My heart is pounding seeing an actual text from him...and I write back: "Can you call me? Please? Its my birthday." He then texts: "I cant. And it wouldnt be a good idea because you know what would happen." I shouldnt have done that. But its obvious he wouldnt have even texted me had I not done it first. And that last one was the last one he sent. So, since I knew the whole "birthday call" wish I was hoping for wasnt gonna happen...I decided to send a nice, long text (as long as it could go!) describing ALL my feelings for him. He didnt respond, but it felt great. I figured, the NC thing I was doing for my bday was already ruined, so what was I waiting for now? Nothing, so I just did it. And I feel...better. Dont get me wrong, Im still sad. And I still want him back. But that weird....hope I had before my bday isnt torturing me anymore. I sent him a final text after he wouldnt pick up the phone today that said, "I love you Adam, but I need to let you go. This hurts too much and im torturing myself. I want you to be happy, I wish it was with me." And today I finally took the horribly sad song I had on my Myspace off. It always made me cry and think of him. Im starting to realize that even though I dont want to move on from him, I may have to. He doesnt want me, he chose her. If I move on with my life, who knows? He may come back to me. He may not. But either way I need to start working towards a happier self and STOP torturing myself on purpose. This forum is really helping, and Id like to thank everyone for that. XOXO
starlite Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I am glad you are feeling a bit better. His responses made it obvious where his feelings lie so my big suggestion to you: Never contact him again!!!!! Maybe not that drastic, but delete his number, block his myspace, make yours PRIVATE so that he cant see what is going on in your life and finally accept that it is over and realize YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!! Because you do! I truly believe that you should kind of delete him from your life as much as possible. I just bought a book "It's called a break up because it's broken" By Greg Bernhart (sex and the city co writer and the author of "He's Just not that into you".) Give that a shot too! Again, you deserve better!
Author Steffie575 Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 I am glad you are feeling a bit better. His responses made it obvious where his feelings lie so my big suggestion to you: Never contact him again!!!!! Maybe not that drastic, but delete his number, block his myspace, make yours PRIVATE so that he cant see what is going on in your life and finally accept that it is over and realize YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!! Because you do! I truly believe that you should kind of delete him from your life as much as possible. I just bought a book "It's called a break up because it's broken" By Greg Bernhart (sex and the city co writer and the author of "He's Just not that into you".) Give that a shot too! Again, you deserve better! Im just realizing that he has essentially deleted me from his life (blocked me on myspace, wont take calls or texts) but yet im still trying to keep him in mine. I do deserve better! Its weird how today I finally feel like its possible to move on....im still so sad, and I hate thinking of our memories..ugh. But ill be ok either way. Thanks.
kittensmittens Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Hey steffie, I'm glad you're feeling better! I recently did the same thing....told him all my feelings I still have for him. I have mixed emotions about it now, but I do feel some release from it. And I went along a similar line of logic--NC is pretty much completely interrupted now, so what the hell...why not? (I figure he's pretty much asking for anything by emailing so soon after the breakup, anyway). Anyhoo....always do what you feel is right for you, but I have to agree with the NC suggestion. It's gonna be rough. There are going to be days when you pick up that phone and almost do it....but realize this is normal (I think...lol). And don't do silly things like I've already done and call "just to hear his voice". It's hard to let go. The memories still bring me a great deal of sadness too. I'm still not entirely ready to let go, but I just have to. We both do, because we're not holding onto anything but pain.
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 But either way I need to start working towards a happier self and STOP torturing myself on purpose. That's it!!!!! This is the way to go. It's all about you now. Work on yourself and stop wasting energy on someone who doesn't matter. He might have moved to the North Pole and be chugging hot rum toddies with Santa, for all you should care.
Author Steffie575 Posted November 9, 2007 Author Posted November 9, 2007 Hey steffie, I'm glad you're feeling better! I recently did the same thing....told him all my feelings I still have for him. I have mixed emotions about it now, but I do feel some release from it. And I went along a similar line of logic--NC is pretty much completely interrupted now, so what the hell...why not? (I figure he's pretty much asking for anything by emailing so soon after the breakup, anyway). Anyhoo....always do what you feel is right for you, but I have to agree with the NC suggestion. It's gonna be rough. There are going to be days when you pick up that phone and almost do it....but realize this is normal (I think...lol). And don't do silly things like I've already done and call "just to hear his voice". It's hard to let go. The memories still bring me a great deal of sadness too. I'm still not entirely ready to let go, but I just have to. We both do, because we're not holding onto anything but pain. Well, when I call, he doesnt pick up, so i havent heard his voice in about a month. I start to feel stronger, then i think of the old times, the good times....and im right back in the misery. I feel better if i tell myself to live my life and hey, maybe he'll come back? But...maybe not. I need to be ok with whatever outcome I get. I really want the pain to be gone for good...
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