5 years and going sour...

[illrunaway]

ok my name is Ashley. i am having a lot of issues with my boyfriend right now. I am only 18 (yeah yeah, young i got it) but ive been with him when no one else has and ive been with him for 5 years. i am in love, i have been for a few years now and he is too i am sure of it. we have had wonderful times together and i just love how we can sit and just talk to each other for hours. the problem is that we are 18. 18 means college, 18 means futures are actually getting closer. he has never really been good at school and its all sort of catching up to him now. it seemed to be okay though because i wanted to be a teacher and he could be my first student. he didnt like it so much. he put off homework and didnt ever study, so i tried ALL sorts of ways to motivate him. i used anger, i used the "ruining my future" crap, i used the "u need money" and i used sex. nothing helped. so id nag him and he HATED it.

he said i was trying to control his life and i do know that he was right. he broke up with me. i was devastated. we've been on and off since then and the offs are always for the same reason. he needs his independence. but i am just so scared that he is going to ruin his future by doing crappy in college. i am so worried about him. every aspect of my life is pretty much him. i mean everything around me ive gone with him and how i am is because of him.

we are off again. he says he wants to date new people to see if they dont nag and cry so much.

 

what do i do?

i mean i really cant let him go. he is my best friend and the only one who really understands me. we dont always get along. hell... we fight a lot. but we work through it. we always do... just lately its a lot easier for him to say "we're done" rather than try to work through it.

 

half of my friends hate him lately because of this past year and how he has treated me. my mom and a few of my friends still think things will work itself out.

 

(my mom says that i just need to hold my head high and show him what he doesnt have and be strong and be happy and let him have a faw months to himself and learn whatever he needs to learn. she calls all this "Growing pains")

 

what do i do? i mean i really cant let go of him yet. he is my best friend and my life. and i know we fight a lot but we always work through it. the problem is that lately it is easier for him to say "We're over" instead of fixing the problem.

 

so do i let him figure what he is supposed to do? do i move on? or do i try to get him back...again?

 

how do i make all the thoughts of what he could do go away?

[Cheery Cherry]

If you love him, let him find himself, HIS way. Of course it is frustrating to see him make mistakes in life and I understand your concerns but he will never learn or appreciate the great things in life if he never made any mistakes. Give him some room to breathe and let him know that you're here for him always but don't ignore your life either. It may be difficult at first, but go to college, do your thing and contact him to see how things are going with him....maybe once a week or so and let it go. Don't pressure him to meet your expectations and when/if he falls, try not to say "I told you so". Instead, let him pick himself back up and help him brush off and get back on his feet. If he truly loves you, he'll find his way back to you.

[illrunaway]

If you love him, let him find himself, HIS way. Of course it is frustrating to see him make mistakes in life and I understand your concerns but he will never learn or appreciate the great things in life if he never made any mistakes. Give him some room to breathe and let him know that you're here for him always but don't ignore your life either. It may be difficult at first, but go to college, do your thing and contact him to see how things are going with him....maybe once a week or so and let it go. Don't pressure him to meet your expectations and when/if he falls, try not to say "I told you so". Instead, let him pick himself back up and help him brush off and get back on his feet. If he truly loves you, he'll find his way back to you.

 

i agree with everything that you said. the problem is that he comes back each time he breaks up with me. he tells me that he wants me back when a day before he didnt. i understand that i need to let him fall but if he needs me what do i do? i was thikning of only seeing him like once a week. but going from every day to once a week... may still be hard on him. at this point... that may be exactly what he needs.

 

i cant bleieve he wants to get back together... and just yesterday he was done with me forever. i wish he would just figure things out. thats why i want him to have his space... i just wish i knew what i could do to give him that space.