Quick question - "all the best...take care"?

[Dear Lady Disdain]

Hi everyone...

 

I don't know how to interpret this one. I've been in the process of reconciling with an ex whom I suspect may have borderline personality disorder.

After some days NC he drove me home a few days ago and it was quite nice. Then in the car, when we get back, I have to look away as I feel quite emotional. I don't know what to say. He kisses me on the cheek and says "all the best...take care". What is this meant to mean? Doesn't he want to see me again or is it his way of showing me he cares? I suddenly feel confused about the meaning and his motivation.

 

Any help would be so appreciated.

 

Love x

[cj1988]

I am sorry, but that sounds like good-bye to me. I may be wrong, my H when we were having a hard time and talking divorce he told my friend that about me.

 

He said, I love her and wish her well and the best. Which meant he wanted to move on, but did not want to hurt me. Well, if this makes you feel bad this may make you feel better. He is still here and we did not divorce, YET. Now, I am the one contemplating divorce, strange how things reverse sometimes.

 

Do not get desperate, that is all I can tell.......do not call, beg or plead to get back together and do not cry in front of him anymore. They love that crap ! Be strong and act like you are not bothered either way, he will wonder WHY you are not upset and it will make him think about you more and what he is losing !

[amaysngrace]

How come he drove you home? You weren't very specific on how you guys broke NC to begin with. Who broke it? Where was he taking you home from? Did you just randomly run into each other or something?

 

That would be a big help to make sense of what he's saying.

[Dear Lady Disdain]

Thank you for your replies - It's very complicated. I thought we were broken up. I had approached him more than once in the college we both attend. Every week after class he would be waiting in the doorway or waiting outside in his car - he once followed me home as well.

He gave me a lift home before and I kissed him on the cheek. He said "speak to you soon" and didn't call. Then I went home from college again and he was parked outside tesco on my way home looking at me (strange - it's out of his way). When I approached him he drove off. Then he drove past again and looked over.

 

Then this week he was there again, waiting for me. So I say hi and he drives me home and he's followed me or waited for me every week I've been there, which makes it look like he wants us to get back together.

 

Then he said this and it was so confusing. I was wondering if it was some sort of defense mechanism or something because he had asked me where I wanted to go and I said I just wanted a lift home. I was nervous and couldn't handle the intimacy. I didn't kiss him or anything because I thought I'd start to cry

 

I'm thinking of writing him an email to say the drive was nice x

[amaysngrace]

So he's been stalking you pretty much then?

 

It sounds like he's trying to play it cool and let you chase him now. Either that or he really is cool about it all. Like he could take it or leave it.

 

At least he knows you didn't break up because of someone else. He's been watching what you're doing and seeing what you've been up to. Now at least he knows it's about him.

 

A lot of people are sure there's someone else when their BF/GF loses interest. And just doesn't want to be with them anymore.

 

Is it creepy when you keep seeing him? Or comforting?

[Dear Lady Disdain]

Hi there...sorry - it was really kind of you to reply. Yeah, he's been pretty much stalking me and I was a bit unnerved by the whole thing. That was why I kind of wanted to just go home. I couldn't deal with it.

But I was kind of glad to see him there again all the same. I thought maybe he was waiting for me to say I wanted to go somewhere with him and he was disappointed when I didn't.

But all the mixed signals are confusing. I suppose to me it is more comforting than creepy. It's like he wants to see me but he's showing it in a weird way. That is why I didn't know how to interpret that phrase...maybe trying to show me he cares or maybe he wants me to pursue him now? I still love him. But I don't really know what to make of things - his insecurity has always been hard to deal with. At the slightest perceived rejection he seems to push you away. But I'm the same in a way.

Maybe he was embarrassed because he's been like a borderline stalker so he's trying to play it cool now.

 

Anyone understand...please? Do those words always mean someone wants to break up with you nicely?

 

There is another more worrying interpretation. Last time he was waiting and watching me but he sped away when I approached. That day in college I ignored him. Maybe in some weird way, he wanted to be the one to reject and finish with me instead of me be the one to reject him? A power and control thing.

I don't know whether to send him an email or leave him be?

 

I could analyse this to death!

 

Love x

[amaysngrace]

I am like that too. I push away easily and I know I'm no picnic to be involved with.

 

I've been known to say things like "I'm glad I met you. I wish good things for you. Have a nice life" and other crap like that. It really makes my BF mad when I say stuff like that to him. It makes him think I don't care. And I know it hurts him to hear it. He's said it before.

 

But the truth is that although I might miss him I do think that somewhere in the back of my mind I'm telling myself that I'll be okay without him too.

 

Kind of like an affirmation to myself more than something that is directed at him. I guess it's me trying to protect myself by keeping up a wall rather than talk it out. Or maybe I'm not yet ready to talk.

 

Maybe he's like me. He needs time to process. And some space of his own. But he's probably going on your actions too before he reacts. So maybe he did want to hang out. And was let down. So he said what he said.

 

Because possibly he was hoping to spend some more time with you and was hoping that you'd feel the same.

[Dear Lady Disdain]

Thank you amazyngrace...yeah I am the same as well. I used to just finish with people at the drop of a hat...the instant I felt rejected.

 

The convo went "do you want to go somewhere?" (him)

"Do you want to go somewhere?" (me)

"Let's just drive up the road" (him)

 

We are both terrified of rejection.

 

But I felt really nervous by his stalking behaviour and felt overwhelmed like I would cry or something. Also everyone had been warning me to stay away from him and I just felt freaked a bit though I tried to hide it.

 

I will probably send an e-mail to him saying the drive was nice and maybe we can hang out next week. I'm guessing that I hurt his feelings and confused him and that is why he used those parting words.

 

I'm so grateful for your posts amazyngrace and to all other posters. Any other views so welcome and appreciated. I'll wait til nine then send the email

 

Love DLD x