I still think he's the one for me after 8 mos.

[spookie]

More than half a year ago, he drove me to the airport, walked me to the gate, hugged me tightly to his chest, and whispered that he loved me in my hair. I walked through the checkpoint, turned around. There he stood. Watching me. He mouthed "I love you" again and waved. There was a crowd coming up behind me. I was late for my plane. I had to go. That was the last time I saw him.

 

We were already broken up at that point and though we kept in touch for a month, eventually I told him I could not handle the friendship, and, aside from one drunken late-night phone call, which he never returned, and one very nasty immature email in revenge for that, to which he replied "You need to grow up =)," that was it.

 

I've going through the motions of moving on. I took time off for myself. I slept around. I'm dating other people, open to the possibility of meeting someone else.

 

But. The thing is. I don't want anyone else.

 

He was right for me. And I was right for him.

 

I've analyzed it from every direction and I know that that's true.

 

Of course what's also true is the other stuff. Like that we weren't ready. Because we're both the kinds of people that need to feel alone in order to grow. And we both had to grow into whole people.

 

I'm not even ready now and I know it's going to be a couple of years before I am. There are things I need to accomplish before I can feel that my life wasn't wasted. And I need this loneliness to do that - it's the only way. And something like this (though I'm not sure what) is true for him.

 

But man, I miss him like crazy sometimes. Sometimes I don't at all, because I can feel him in me, all the parts I liked ingrained in my thoughts, reactions, mannerisms, and sometimes it's just a dull ache somewhere in my chest, but every now and then it hits me: the longing. The need to be reconnected, made whole. To hear his voice. To touch.

 

I know he's out there somewhere, my baby. I hope he's safe and happier than this. I hope he's doing what he has to do.

 

I have a fantasy, of course. My fantasy is this: one day, when we are both grown up (though hopefully not old so we can still have some time left together) we meet again. Maybe when we're both walking alone at night. In a city unfamiliar to me now.

 

And of course we fall in love. There's no doubt in my mind that this one will happen if the first one does.

 

But it has to be by chance, when we're ready. And I worry about the chances.

[Scorpio13c]

Hi Spookie,

Sometimes wishes come true, keep that in mind.

I hope yours does!

Scorp

[Krying]

I wish for only one thing in my life. My ex. All my heart, energies and so forth are thinking in that direction. Yes wished do come true for some people. I hope mine does. But I also know realistically, the one way to move forward is to truly let her go. That way you get the best of both worlds. You move on. But if your loved one does come back, then you deal with it at that time. I rate my chances as a 1 to infinity. I like to figure a 1 is better than a 0.

[oppath]

It happens all the time. I think that if my ex and I met at a different time, things may hav worked out, but all that means is we weren't right. The right person enters your life at the right time.