ziggy13 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 [FONT=Arial]I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and we both really love each other and have never felt this way before, but for the last 2 months I can't seem to get the thought of him and his ex out of my head, I feel like I'm becoming obsessed with it and can't think about anything else! He was with her for 12 years, and although he (and his mates) say he never loved her I just keep trying to work out what it was all about. He said he got with her when he was 20 but was still going out enjoying himself with his mates and it just became a sort of habit with her. Apparently she was quite possessive and bossy. Then after 6 years his ex kept on at him to get married which he finally gave in to, but after having a child things got progressively worse and they didn't get on for the last few years, he just stayed for the kid's sake. It all ended when she met someone else and he says he was glad he was free of her but I can't understand how a person can stay with someone if they don't really love them? He says he didn't know any different then but he married her (that's the part I'm finding hardest as I always wanted it to be the first time for both of us). I feel so bitter towards her, she must have known he didn't love her, but then I start thinking maybe he did. Has anyone else ever felt like this? It's tearing me apart. Even last week he mentioned about how he liked massages and so then I start thinking about how he must have done them with her, but they're quite an intimate thing if he never loved her. Why am I like this, I've had a past as well (I'm 35) although all mine have tended to be 4 or 5 year relationships. I'm starting to wonder if I should go for some counselling. Any advice greatly appreciated. [/FONT]
thrustrebel Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Interesting dilemma. To be honest, I think you're quite lucky in a way. Imagine if it had been a 12 year relationship and he had have loved her. That would never have left him. But from the sound of it, I think his story checks out personally. I know what it's like to be with someone in a relationship not because you don't want to lose them, but because you don't want to lose a partner. The idea of being single again can be so terrifying after such a long time that staying with someone you don't love can often seem the less of two evils. My advice my friend, would be to keep reminding yourself of the past you have and consequently how you probably shouldn't get jealous/paranoid. EVERYBODY is going to have a past of some description right? But not many will have spent it all with a girl they didn't love. As I say, it seems quite a convenient set up. Like she kept him away from all those others he could have fallen in and out of love with, so that's why he's never felt like he has for you before. She preserved him for you :-D
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