Dynamo Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Hey guys and gals. Here's my predicament; So, I'm trying to figure out how I can break out of this "nice guy" mold I've dug myself into, so I can actually start going out with girls, rather then just be their friends. Don't get me wrong, I am completely happy having female friends, but everyone wants to have someone that is more then just a friend! I've been told I'm a perfect gentleman - that's certainly very flattering, and I suppose I am sort of an old-fashioned romantic (It was the way I was raised.. Give up my jacked if shes cold, open the door in the car all the time, etc etc). I'm also good friends with a lot of girls - it's sort of embarassing to admit it, but I think I'm friends with more girls then I am guys! I just don't understand why I can't seem to get a girlfriend. I don't consider myself unattractive (maybe not dazzling, but I'd say I'm atleast above average). I'm a very nice guy, I like to think of myself as intelligent, and I'm very flirty. Is that my problem? Am I too nice? I'm very protective over my friends, especially my female friends. I've gotten into three fights in defense of three different girls from violent/mean/generally bad guys.. Afterwards I can never pinpoint why exactly I even bothered, but something inside me just makes me act in-the-moment. Generally I'm quiet, except when around friends, in which case I become very outgoing. I think I may have missed the boyfriend opening on many of my close female friends - it's almost as if they trust me as much as their female friends. They gossip around me (doesn't interest me, but I try to be polite and listen), heck even a couple of them have changed their clothes in front of me.. Of course I looked away so as not to be rude, but you get the idea. Does anyone have suggestions for getting out of the "really good friend" zone and into the boyfriend zone? I don't mind being a gentleman at all, but I'd really like to have someone special.
The Loacker Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Short answer: You need to be more sexual. By that I don't mean walk around with your pants off, but in your interactions with girls you need to let them know that you're attracted to them. If you don't, how will they know? I suggest touching them as you're talking to them (on their shoulder, arm, waist, whatever). As long as they don't back off and seem repulsed, then that's the green light for you to keep doing what it is you're doing. You also need to flirt.
Reckless Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I'm with Loacker, you have to get into the sexual mode and treat women you are interested in accordingly. Women are finely tuned to pick up sexual undertones so if you step into her "space" a little, touch her (don't grab ) and look at her in a way that clearly signals you find her attractive the signals will be picked up loud and clear. Important to add though that you usually have to be ready to have NO relationship at all if the lady isn't interested. What I mean is, that if a man is interested in me sexually, even if we decide to take it slow we both know where we're heading and it is NOT towards a platonic relationship. Reminds me of an old Katherine Hepburn movie where her Italian suiter says he finds her 'sympatico' and he asks "do you know what that means?" and she says "yes it means I'm like a sister to you", he replies "I have 5 sisters and I am not looking for another". Being aggressive enough to make it clear what you want means if uninterested a woman may back right out of your life but if you play soft ball then you just end up with lots of female friends but never get laid.
Author Dynamo Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Great stuff people, keep them coming.
squeak Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 You have to make cocky jokes. Like insert a chance to say the phrase "wouldn't you like to know?" and with a cocky laid back attidute poke her shoulder or some sort of body contact. Essentially, you need to not act like her female friend for too long. Do what a fenale friend would not do, a casual innuendo, some fun grabbing(shoulders or something playful) or horsing around. Think playful and flirty, avoid sleazy.
squeak Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 They gossip around me (doesn't interest me, but I try to be polite and listen), Oh and this-don't be polite and listen. Be a bit brusque or short sometimes, cut it short when you are tired of it with an "alrighty then-next topic" or something that shows you are in charge and not trying to appease them to gain loyalty. Women respond to that more than overreaching niceness. It falls into the playfully cocky attidute. Think strong silent type over giggly talkative type. Not saying you are-but I'm trying to emphasize what puts one guy in friend zone and another not in it.
The Loacker Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Oh, and eye contact is key. Try not to break eye contact nervously, since that shows you as the "nice guy" type.
Yamaha Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 If a women puts you in the friend zone it is usually because they are not attracted to you, sexually. They might like your personality but that does not mean they want to sleep with you. I do agree you need to find out early where you stand so you don't waste your time with someone that only wants a friendship. Sometimes it is better to end a friendship then to only have friends.
BeautifulMusic Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I've been told I'm a perfect gentleman - that's certainly very flattering, and I suppose I am sort of an old-fashioned romantic (It was the way I was raised.. Give up my jacked if shes cold, open the door in the car all the time, etc etc). My best guy friend is like this. He is a total gentleman and a sweetheart to me. He won't even let me pay when we go out together, and when I ask why he says, "Because I'm the gentleman and you're the lady and that's just the way it is!" But at the same time, he listens to me talk about my guy problems and gives me the male perspective when I want it. He's awesome. When we first met, I had a crush on him for months, but nothing ever happened, so he eventually went into the friend zone. I love his friendship, but I wish I could find someone to date who is as respectful of me as he is! So trust me, women love gentlemen and they want to date them- but there's a point at which you have to make sure you're not so focused on being a gentleman that you don't make a move. Does that make sense?
jabaha Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 My best guy friend is like this. He is a total gentleman and a sweetheart to me. He won't even let me pay when we go out together, and when I ask why he says, "Because I'm the gentleman and you're the lady and that's just the way it is!" But at the same time, he listens to me talk about my guy problems and gives me the male perspective when I want it. He's awesome. When we first met, I had a crush on him for months, but nothing ever happened, so he eventually went into the friend zone. I love his friendship, but I wish I could find someone to date who is as respectful of me as he is! So trust me, women love gentlemen and they want to date them- but there's a point at which you have to make sure you're not so focused on being a gentleman that you don't make a move. Does that make sense? So did he start feeling the same way or did you make move on him?
BeautifulMusic Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Neither- nothing ever happened between us; we're just friends.
The Loacker Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Jabaha, the woman rarely makes a move on the guy. That's why you need to be sexual in your interactions with them, because if they're even remotely intrigued by you, it'll put them in a mood that's more receptive to your advances. If you never cross the sexual barrier, then they'll just see you as another friend.
BeautifulMusic Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Jabaha, the woman rarely makes a move on the guy. That's why you need to be sexual in your interactions with them, because if they're even remotely intrigued by you, it'll put them in a mood that's more receptive to your advances. If you never cross the sexual barrier, then they'll just see you as another friend. Yeah, that's exactly what happened with this guy.
Phateless Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Neither- nothing ever happened between us; we're just friends. WHY on earth didn't you make a move?
jabaha Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 WHY on earth didn't you make a move? What would you do to get out of the friend zone?
Poboy Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 flirting & serious good flirting especially with the ones you interested in. i suggest to read up on flirting techniques if you are not good or new at this. when they seem interested , make the move
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Touching and breaking the touch barrier, eye contact looking at them in a certain way that says I really really like you. Another one, its to ask if you can kiss them, just a simple, I'd really like to kiss you would be very acceptable in my book, rather than jumping in guns blazing.
WaterTiger Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 WHY on earth didn't you make a move? Because that's YOUR JOB! Men are supposed to be the leaders! Get out and LEAD!
Author Dynamo Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Thanks everyone for all the responses! It really means a lot. Okay, so this is what I've gathered so far (in a nutshell): -Don't break eye-contact, you'll appear to be weak -touch them (politely) while talking etc, like a tap on the shoulder, a poke and such. -Take control over the conversation when it starts getting a little too girly for my tastes -Be cocky, but not to the point of arrogant. Hmm, I'll definitely have to work on all those.. I can honestly say I rarely do any of them, with the exception of the act cocky one. Does anyone have suggestions on flirting? What I'm doing must be wrong, so I'd love to here some suggestions on whats good flirting and whats bad flirting. Thanks again
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Don't be cocky be confident most girls I know do not like cocky blokes. And don't take too much control over the convo, its a too way thing, if she has to listen about your hobbies, fast cars n beers you have to listen to girlie things. Good luck x
Phateless Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 What would you do to get out of the friend zone? I am still trying to figure that one out. I have a female friend who I want to get out of the friend zone with and I have one who I AM out of the friend zone with and I want to get back in, lol.
jabaha Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I am still trying to figure that one out. I have a female friend who I want to get out of the friend zone with and I have one who I AM out of the friend zone with and I want to get back in, lol. How did you get out of the friend zone with that one girl?
Sand&Water Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 RE: You are intensely aware, Dynamo, that there isn't one single answer to your question. Having said that, I will contribute one suggestion to transitioning into the "Significant Other" or "Lover" category. Get a Backbone. Seriously. Straight Up Advice: It is a major turn-off -to many women in today's society -to squeeze and wiggle your way from the "Friend Zone" into the "Significant Other" category. This shows your true colors, not only that but as well as the fact that you lack character and a backbone. IF "something" is there, then so be it, otherwise don't sell yourself. Be yourself. Sand&Water
investorist Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Bro, You are definitely not in the "really good friend" zone, you are in the "sisters" zone. You know what it means, they nv look upon you as a man at all. There's definitely nothing wrong with being a gentleman, used correctly gentleman actions can actually sweep the ladies off their legs, but you have to understand the difference between being a gentleman (doing something because you want to do it) and being a ass-kisser (doing something because you want to please her) As you can see the word gentleman means you are still a man, being a man you have to take control. Control over situations (e.g. say you went to a restaurant with her and she says she wanna sit at one of the tables but you wanna sit at the other table, just say no we shall sit there, upon reaching you pull out her chair for her) and control over yourself (e.g. if she keeps throwing herself at you on your first date, push her away and after a while hold her hand when you feel like it, this not only tells her that you have control over yourself, it also gives her a mixed feelings on whether you are really interested or just wanna be friends) You have to understand one point, you will not be the only man who's wanting to get together with her, there will be other bees around her, so you cannot do what all the 101 boring, predictable, "nice" loser guys are doing. Instead bust her balls whenever you can e.g. after having her hair cut, she came telling you that how ugly she thinks she is now, this point most men will try to say something to console her or whatever **** to tell her that its not that bad, you just say i didn't want to comment on anything and gave her a bad boy smile. she would probably hit you on your arm and start laughing too. All ladies from CEO of a company to a teenage girl, all want to find a man, real man to tame them and take care of them, so its really your responsibility to show them that you are that man.
investorist Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Oh by the way, i forgot to add, when you are already in the friends zone, then forget about coming out of it because it is easier to create attraction with a new target.
Recommended Posts