carrotgirl Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Things went from fun to fighting inside of three minutes. We were working together on his project for a few hours after work and then I needed help with something and said I could use his company to work on something his words of denial were fine but his tone was pretty much go screw. I felt completely used and whored. I have NEVER felt like that with him before and I did not like it. I didn't blow my Carrot top but I called him on his crap behavior which of course made him very unpleasant. He was angry at me too, for being angry of course. Isn't that so typical when people get defensive? We both drove home like insane people. Evidently he was as angry as I was as long as I was. So help me. I was hurt and angry enough to want to hash it out when we got home. So I called and we argued. He gave me the run around and I basically got angrier and angrier until I couldn't speak. After calming down some (and this where it got really weird) I called to apologize. It was a sincere apology because what the hell, I could have just let it roll, but I didn't, instead my temper did the thinking and for that I needed to apologize. He got very soft and gentle with me at that point. He listened. He apologized a real apology. He asked me what made things seem bad and I told him straightforwardly. It wasn't what he said but the way he said it and I didn't misunderstand anything because I hear very well and it made me think I probably never wanted to talk to him ever again. GD said he was really sorry again. I don't know. We talked a while about nothing. It was like he was backtracking. He didn't want me too close tonight but he sure as hell wasn't ready to let me go forever. That got a little much for him. And funny thing is I wasn't threatening at all. Am I missing something? Carrot
underpants Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Oh Carrot, A fight can be fun. Don't be too upset. Find that core of the Carrot and work with the anger. Like waves of emotion. Oh, grasshopper...when you can smile in the face of anger you will be ready. PM me the details of this argument. *sets blender on the counter and plugs it in*
Author carrotgirl Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 I guess the thing is... we ended the fight with a smile. We worked through the anger and both of us faced it. GD really faced it too. In his words, The agenda I had was pick up the phone and then listen to the conversation. Instead he contributed. We talked it through. That's kind of something for a guy. He made an effort. Maybe because I made the effort. Maybe because I realized there was another side, even if that side was wrong. Sometimes I forget that it does take guts to answer especially when you KNOW the other person is fuming. He tried to make up for the badness the rest of the night. I know he did. He kept a watchful eye tonight while I argued with the same ratty company that's been slamming me in the trades. He fed me bits of evidence and propaganda here and there to help me bolster my position. It was really nice. He wants me to look smart. Aww. All I was thinking is at least I'm not at GD's place crying eh? So GD and I talked the last two hours. We're both exhausted. Mostly we went over random gossip about other people and some little bits about us. I guess I don't have to wonder about what will be. I knew somehow I didn't have to. It's going to be okay. He made an effort to make me smile. And he succeeded. I made no effort to make him smile and he smiled. Anyway, I love him. I love him so completely. I just realized - just this second. I must have proved it somewhat tonight. I loved him enough to fight him. Really fight him. Loved him enough to try again. Usually, I would love him enough to retreat. Wow. I think maybe I did something right without even knowing it. Carrot
underpants Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 He made an effort to make me smile. And he succeeded. I made no effort to make him smile and he smiled. Anyway, I love him. I love him so completely. I just realized - just this second. I must have proved it somewhat tonight. I loved him enough to fight him. Really fight him. Loved him enough to try again. Usually, I would love him enough to retreat. Wow. I think maybe I did something right without even knowing it. Carrot You may have turned a corner Carrot. You stood up, as well as, standing your ground. This speaks highly of you. Love yourself and he (if worthy) will respond in kind. It's all about the Carrot.
Author carrotgirl Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 I'm marveling at the understanding, he didn't just respond in kind. He made an effort all on his own to be sure I would not be hurting. There were no studied gestures for effect. The gesture was truly grand. He was GD. He showed me. He didn't tell me.
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I haven't decided yet. Lol. Too early to tell.
Author carrotgirl Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 I think I'm okay. You must have caught a vibe. I'm using a lot of resources to keep from spewing poison this morning. Keeping it in isn't nice but I don't want to let it out until it dissolves. It's all completely not GD related. The foulness coming from the manager at this corp that is more and more seeming like a competitor (yes, the same corp one that has me perpetually grilled in the public eye lately) not to mention total dick. The guy sends all of his correspondence during off hours (after 8PM & before 8AM)which chaps my butt since it's manipulative, sneaky and just bad business. This morning he launched an attack on me to my CEO at 7AM. Lucky for me I was working I suppose. I roped in my CTO and basically cried bullsh*t. My CTO backed me. Regardless, this sort of daily responsibility nightmare and professional/personal suffering is way above my rank and pay grade. CEO just responded with a light spanking before seeing CTO's response. Then turned around and didn't apologize but at least made "nice". I'm weary and the business day hasn't even started yet. This IS, I believe a big part of what GD doesn't like seeing in me. I can't say I blame him. Carrot
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Carrot I am verbally containing myself too. I'm holding it together.
Author carrotgirl Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Well, it wasn't a great day. But I held it together. Just a few more hours at the office.... Carrot
Author carrotgirl Posted November 9, 2007 Author Posted November 9, 2007 I'm going to bed. I haven't slept in days. Traded video with GD tonight. He surprised me again. I wasn't expecting it. LOL. Funny to know he loves me now. And he does. He loves me. I'm sitting here giggling it's all so absurd. Carrot
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