ratingsguy Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Hi everyone, It's been a while since I posted here. Some of you guys might remember my old situation and I will say that NC works! The xMW tries to poke her head into my life every once in a while, but I don't even give it a second thought anymore. In any event, fast forward about 8 months or so and here I am. I've been dating a lot and have met a lot of nice women. Nobody that really struck my fancy until recently. I met a woman who I really like and I'm making strides towards starting a relationship with her. She's 8 years younger than me (she's 24, I'm 32), beautiful, driven and very successful. We talk on the phone almost every day. She was up for her dream job which she got an offer for today. I was very happy for her and still am since she's planning to take it. Here's the issue: She volunteered her salary to me and it's more than double what I currently make. I always used to think that being with someone who makes more than me wouldn't be a problem, but now I'm facing it... and it has me a little depressed, and as the title says, feeling a bit inadequate. I guess I'm wondering if this would cause tension, resentment, etc. between the two of us. She's 8 years younger than me, too and that sort of plays into it as well I think. I wonder if she would view me in a different light if she knew what I made, maybe wanting to be with someone else that's at a different level in terms of career. I haven't shared with her what I bring home a year. But she does recognize that I'm also very driven and goal oriented. So I guess I really don't know what to think. Thoughts?
Stereogram Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I understand. And you'd probably think things differently, like for instance, if it was a 24-year old male making double the salary of a 32-year old female. Our society wants to naturally label the male as the breadwinner. I think this is a good question for a woman: If love does conquer all, does money really matter? If I had the choice to between two women...one making $75K per year and the other making $20K....naturally I'll choose Ms. $20K if the feelings are stronger.
Stereogram Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 By the way...does NC mean NOT CALLING? probably...
Author ratingsguy Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Actually it means "no contact".
gonetildecember Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 It's hard to say that it wouldn't matter, I've never been in that sort of situation. My ex however didn't work while we were together, whereas I did (we were both in university)...and therefore, I always had extra/more cash than he did on hand. It wasn't really an issue for us. We were both aware, but I guess since we never let it become a problem and focussed on us and our feelings rather than money..it wasn't an issue. i guess if she's really into you, it shouldn't be a big deal for her? Stereogram: NC means no contact.. so no calls, messages.. any sort of contact.. unless its initiated by the other person (depending on what effect you are going for.. something you don't even acknowledge when they are the ones initiating the contact either.)
riverbender Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I don't relate well to the "I gotta make x number of dollars to be a worthy human being" mindset, so take this fwiw... How interested are you in someone who will only date those who make x number of dollars? From your post it sounds like at this point YOU are going to be the one who has to deal with your own feelings about your salary. When you get over it then you can worry about how she may or may not feel about it. Because, until YOU get over it, I can say without a doubt, your insecurity WILL create problems. Plus, you don't know her that well. She could be lying about the salary because she's competitive and thinks you make more than you do. Or maybe she thinks that you're obsessed with making lots of money and she feels she has to make a certain salary in order to be worthy of your attention! Who knows! Money and my ex's need to make more than his brother, to have the more expensive house, car, etc was a huge factor in our split. To answer stereogram, yes, money does absolutely matter. Attitudes about money matter. How it's spent matters. How it's made matters! Yep. It matters. If a person couldn't earn money would that stop me from loving someone? Absolutely not. If they hated themselves because they couldn't earn money or felt they didn't earn "enough", well, that might be a deal breaker. If they refused to earn because I make enough to support them and their gambling/drug/porn habit? Another deal breaker. If they are spending their time doing something that they love and/or it benefits them and/or someone else but they only make enough to survive? Not a problem. I think the thing is though, I want to date someone with similar interests - and that would include travel and many many trips to Vegas So, the person has to at least be able to pay their own way. No, I don't expect you to support my gambling habit. Money matters. Yup. I'm not paying anyone's overdue rent either. Get damn job. And, I probably am not going to have much in common with you if you earn a living selling stolen i-pods on ebay and then spend your travel to vegas with me money on scratch tickets.
AllInOne Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I think this will only be an issue if you or her make it one. You don't have any control over her, but you can decide how you want to deal with this. I was in a very similar situation and it was no big deal. No need to feel inadequate about how much money you make as long as you are working hard and setting goals. Salaries are determined by several things such as supply/demand/productivity and dumb luck. They are not a measure of your worth as a human being.
squeak Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Don't worry about it. Take heed of the newest trends, women are going for better looking men over high earning men because they have it all now, and are now free to date based on looks only. Well-looks and personality of course! Caring about money and social position is a thing of the past. Men are going to start feeling the same pressure to look perfect just women currently do, as this trend continues. Take it as a compliment.
Recommended Posts