Love Jones Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 You're on a first date with a guy. You kiss him (with tongues) at the end of the date becuase you actually really fancy him. Once you kiss him he literally springs into action and his hands are up your skirt, inside your blouse, touching your breasts through your bra, having a feel at your vajay-jay (you ARE wearing panties though). You tell him firmly to slow down. He laughs and does it again - octopus hands all up your skirt and inside your blouse. You tell him again, hey buddy you need to slow down, what's with the wandering hands? He does it AGAIN. Obviously that's the first and LAST date you're gonna go on with him. But what makes a man act this way (presuming he's not drunk)? Is it a sign he is sex starved? He has no respect for women? He's a potential date-raper? The scary part here is that he doesn't stop even after you've asked him twice to calm down a little....
pollywag Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 What makes men act this way is that some women say no with thier mouths but say yes with their bodies. If you are kissing goodnight and it is a first date and you are kissing passionately and in a very sexual manner with your tongue up his nostrils the man sees this as an inviting sign for more. A kiss with dignity does not solicit a sexual response, generally speaking, an overtly sexual kiss that is meant to arouse will do just that. I never understood why a woman would be sitting back at a man's apartment on a first date, way past the wee hours of the night with several drinks in her with her top off and her skirt hiked up against her chin so that he could see her last name, straddling him and he wants more and yet she gets offended because he asks this. That's called being a tease. If you are not ready to be sexual with another person then don't conduct yourself in a sexual manner on a first second or third date. By no means am I saying this is what you did my child, but as a general question to a general concept that is my take on why men see yes when in fact a woman is saying "no".
Author Love Jones Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 I never understood why a woman would be sitting back at a man's apartment on a first date, way past the wee hours of the night with several drinks in her with her top off and her skirt hiked up against her chin so that he could see her last name, straddling him and he wants more and yet she gets offended because he asks this. That's called being a tease. If you are not ready to be sexual with another person then don't conduct yourself in a sexual manner on a first second or third date. Erm...can you stop preaching for a minute and actually READ my post. I kissed the dude for a minute or two at my front door. I did not let him inside my apartment, all of my clothes were on and I do not think it is ok to blame a woman when a man shows an inability to control himself even after a woman's clearly said NO twice... Even if I did for reasons unknown choose to have my tongue 'up a man's nostrils' and my top off, that wouldn't mean I had to have sex with him. You're probably the sort of person who thinks that date raping a woman is ok if she was dressed or acting provocatively....
Krytie TV Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I would say it's a lack of respect for you as a person and more about respect for you as a warm body with a heartbeat, boobs and a vagina. No man with any respect for women would be pawing you on the third date, let alone the first or second. What surprises me is that when men do this to women they don't knee them in the nuts. Why does it seem that these behaviors are greeted by a laugh and a shake of the head and not with downright anger? Doesn't it piss you off that someone would violate you like that?
pollywag Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I'm sorry you feel I am "preaching" but I did say that by no means did I say that scenario was you. You asked this man once not to go so far, then you had to stop him a second time, then he proceeded to do it again. Twice was once too many. If it was really making you feel uncomfortable you should have called it a night right after he crossed the line a first time. You can either kiss goodnight or get hot and heavy. You want a bit of both then expect the guy to try for more. And yes I can blame a woman for her actions because unless he forces himself on you then you could have walked away after the first time he crossed the line and you didn't you continued to make out with him. He kept trying because your so called "firm no" was contradicting your actions. Just an observation.
pollywag Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 What surprises me is that when men do this to women they don't knee them in the nuts. Why does it seem that these behaviors are greeted by a laugh and a shake of the head and not with downright anger? Doesn't it piss you off that someone would violate you like that? That's the bottom line. I second that thought. If you show that you "kind of want it but you kind of don't" he is only going to "kind of hear you" when you say no, no matter how firm you think it sounds.
Author Love Jones Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 That's the bottom line. I second that thought. If you show that you "kind of want it but you kind of don't" he is only going to "kind of hear you" when you say no, no matter how firm you think it sounds. So if he'd raped me it would have been my fault for politely asking him to stop rather than having screamed at him or kneed him in the balls.
Author Love Jones Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Doesn't it piss you off that someone would violate you like that? Yes it does. I was rather taken aback and shocked when he refused to stop even after I firmly said NO twice.
pollywag Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 So if he'd raped me it would have been my fault for politely asking him to stop rather than having screamed at him or kneed him in the balls. Of course not, if a person is raped it is never their fault. I am sure the victim would have tried to get away and he would have forced themselves on the victim anyway, that's rape. Did you feel like he was raping you? Did he force you to do something you did not want to do? The point is that you could have ended the night after you politely asked him to stop and he tried it again. personally that to me says he has little respect for others, why continue making out with someone who just doesn't get it? And I don't understand why you are rolling your eyes, you are the one sitting here explaining in gory detail just how far under your skirt this man got explaining "oh but my undies were on while he felt up my vajayjay"....to me that does not sound like a person who firmly says no and means it. A slap in the face was in order if he was truly crossing a line you didn't want him to cross, but if that is too dramatic for you then a simple "goodnight it's getting late"would have also done the trick. But you continued to make out with him even after the frist attempt to feel you up so.... Some men don't respect women period but even those men that don't respect women can respect their wishes if they are firm with their actions, anything beyond that would be considered rape. Also a good reason NOT to get too hot and heavy on a first date because you never know who you might be dealing with.
Author Love Jones Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Of course not, if a person is raped it is never their fault. I am sure the victim would have tried to get away and he would have forced themselves on the victim anyway, that's rape. Did you feel like he was raping you? Did he force you to do something you did not want to do? The point is that you could have ended the night after you politely asked him to stop and he tried it again. personally that to me says he has little respect for others, why continue making out with someone who just doesn't get it? And I don't understand why you are rolling your eyes, you are the one sitting here explaining in gory detail just how far under your skirt this man got explaining "oh but my undies were on while felt up my vajayjay"....to me that does not sound like a person who firmly says no and means it. A slap in the face was in order if he was truly crossing a line you didn't want him to cross, but if that is too dramatic for you then a simple "goodnight it's getting late"would have also done the trick. But you continued to make out with him even after the frist attempt to feel you up so.... Some men don't respect women period but even those men that don't respect women can respect their wishes if they are firm with their actions, anything beyond that would be considered rape. Also a good reason NOT to get too hot and heavy on a first date because you never know who you might be dealing with. In the end I had to literally push him out of my way to stop him running his hands all over me. Yes, I did give him a chance and he proved himself to be a pig. I'm just not the sort of woman who finds it easy to immediately slap or kick a man when he gets out of line. Yes, I did give him a chance to act right. No, I didn't give him the impression I wanted to **** him. I asked him politely to stop twice and when he seemed unable to heed my words I pushed him away and went into my apartment, slamming the door in his face. He probably stood outside my door jerking off.
Heavenly55 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 What makes men act this way is that some women say no with thier mouths but say yes with their bodies. If you are kissing goodnight and it is a first date and you are kissing passionately and in a very sexual manner with your tongue up his nostrils the man sees this as an inviting sign for more. A kiss with dignity does not solicit a sexual response, generally speaking, an overtly sexual kiss that is meant to arouse will do just that. I never understood why a woman would be sitting back at a man's apartment on a first date, way past the wee hours of the night with several drinks in her with her top off and her skirt hiked up against her chin so that he could see her last name, straddling him and he wants more and yet she gets offended because he asks this. That's called being a tease. If you are not ready to be sexual with another person then don't conduct yourself in a sexual manner on a first second or third date. By no means am I saying this is what you did my child, but as a general question to a general concept that is my take on why men see yes when in fact a woman is saying "no". What are you stuck in 1950? A french kiss is nothing highly sexual. I think most of us have been doing it since we were 12 or so. Did every guy I kissed start putting their hands all over the place. No, bc they have respect. Give me a break. Your's is an excuse. Ok the guy wants to try to put his hand up your shirt, or rubbing you boobs over your shirt, the minute your hand pushes his hand away that is the signal for him to not try it again. If he does thats where you should end the night.
pollywag Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 What are you stuck in 1950? A french kiss is nothing highly sexual. I think most of us have been doing it since we were 12 or so. Did every guy I kissed start putting their hands all over the place. No, bc they have respect. Give me a break. Your's is an excuse. Ok the guy wants to try to put his hand up your shirt, or rubbing you boobs over your shirt, the minute your hand pushes his hand away that is the signal for him to not try it again. If he does thats where you should end the night. Excuse me if a french kiss is nothing sexual then what do you do when you want foreplay, go straight for the the knob? We are talking about a first date kiss, if you are sucking each others faces off on a first date that pretty much signifies you are good to go. One thing is a goodnight kiss another is to suck face for 5mins unless you are mede of rock, you are going to get aroused. If you don't want to get aroused then give a modest kiss and call it a night. Less is WAY more but you put out wishsy washy sh*t you are going to get wishy washy sh*t in return, case in point. So spare me the "are you stuck in the 1950's" because you may have been sucking face since you were 12 but that doesn't mean you have a single CLUE about sex and sexuality. Then again you might only be 13 now....
Heavenly55 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Excuse me if a french kiss is nothing sexual then what do you do when you want foreplay, go straight for the the knob? We are talking about a first date kiss, if you are sucking each others faces off on a first date that pretty much signifies you are good to go. One thing is a goodnight kiss another is to suck face for 5mins unless you are mede of rock, you are going to get aroused. If you don't want to get aroused then give a modest kiss and call it a night. Less is WAY more but you put out wishsy washy sh*t you are going to get wishy washy sh*t in return, case in point. So spare me the "are you stuck in the 1950's" because you may have been sucking face since you were 12 but that doesn't mean you have a single CLUE about sex and sexuality. Then again you might only be 13 now.... Yup, to me a first date kiss is a french kiss that's if I feel like I want to kiss him. Let me guess do you use the bases too? 1st base 2nd base. And who made you the expert. You give the weazel man answer of "oh your body must have been saying yes" Stop listening to soo many r&b songs hun. Really though, your panties are in a bunch over a ":eek:A FRENCH KISS"? And actually I would consider forplay to be like oral sex, caressing all that comes before sex. If you're uptight about using your tonuge when kissing someone and feel like that is an open inviation for a man to start putting his hand down a women's pants then you need help.
pollywag Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Yup, to me a first date kiss is a french kiss that's if I feel like I want to kiss him. Let me guess do you use the bases too? 1st base 2nd base. And who made you the expert. You give the weazel man answer of "oh your body must have been saying yes" Stop listening to soo many r&b songs hun. Really though, your panties are in a bunch over a ":eek:A FRENCH KISS"? And actually I would consider forplay to be like oral sex, caressing all that comes before sex. If you're uptight about using your tonuge when kissing someone and feel like that is an open inviation for a man to start putting his hand down a women's pants then you need help. Hotdiggiddy!! evyerone knows EVERYONE knows nuns don't wear any underwear under their habits, where have you been child? .So you'll never hear me complain about some dude trying to feel up my panties..... When you complain about a guy feeling up your vajayjay after you've told him to back off for the umpteenth time and you keep sucking face I'll probably tell you stop with the face sucking on a first date too. I hate to break it to you toots but foreplay starts with a kiss unless of course you are a lady of the night, in which case there's all kinds of sucking going on but never of the face and it comes with a hefty price. And yes I guess you could say I am quite the expert my child, this old nun-biiitch didn't always wear a habit, she comes with a past.
jcster Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 1st time he does it and you say no...he thinks your lying. 2nd time you say no...he knows your telling the truth. 3rd time was because he could get away with it and he's a pig. What surprises me is that when men do this to women they don't knee them in the nuts. Why does it seem that these behaviors are greeted by a laugh and a shake of the head and not with downright anger? Doesn't it piss you off that someone would violate you like that? Well, at first you're just so shocked that you can't even get angry (that comes later). Most women don't react to these things violently either, we're trained from a young age not to make a fuss - get the continual "don't make such a big deal" drilled into our heads that it takes honest to god professional training to learn to even say no forcibly. A lot of rapists take into account that women don't want to make a scene, it makes them pliable and easy to intimidate. Plus...never, ever try and kick a guy in the nuts. If you miss, you are in for a world of pain.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 When kissing, my body is always saying yes, but my mouth is saying no. No still means no, but it doesn't mean, never!!!!!
Leoni Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 He laughs and does it again I think this spells out his complete lack of respect for you as a person. Even the first time should have been enough to stop the clinch since once again, it again reflects a lack of respect to get this intimate with someone on the first kiss/first date unless you're also reciprocating to this level.
pollywag Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 When kissing, my body is always saying yes, but my mouth is saying no. No still means no... It's safe to say that is how it is with most people, unless of course you kiss someone and there is no chemistry then you might as well be wearing big old baggy granny undewear, be blowing your nose like a tuba, and sporting a moustache, nothing says NO more. So if when kissing ,the body always says yes and the mouth says no, but the recepient of the words "no" just doesn't seem to hear it then it's time to send out a louder message by making the body also say no. Seems pretty simple to me. In the end it seems that is what the OP in this case did.
sweetie7 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Umm I can't believe people are trying to blame this on you! Most of the guys I know, realize a kiss is not an invitation for sex. Just because kissing is the "start" of foreplay, doesn't mean it has to go all the way. You did nothing wrong. He just sucks. And was probably really horny and couldn't control himself. It's totally ridiculous to say that if you kiss a guy, you're giving him the impression you want to have sex with him.
Author Love Jones Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Well, at first you're just so shocked that you can't even get angry (that comes later). Most women don't react to these things violently either, we're trained from a young age not to make a fuss - get the continual "don't make such a big deal" drilled into our heads that it takes honest to god professional training to learn to even say no forcibly. A lot of rapists take into account that women don't want to make a scene, it makes them pliable and easy to intimidate. The nail just got hit on the head!!! Sing it, sister....
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