love will lead you back?

[cant let go]

i am pretty much in contact with my ex every other day or so because we work at the same company and we have the same circle of friends so we eat lunch together most days of the week. On Tuesday we were at lunch and at the deli where we ate they kept playing all these easy listening songs on the radio. At one point the song that was playing really broke through to me as if someone had turned the volume up really loud but only i could hear it. The song that was playing was:

"Love will lead you back" by Taylor Dayne

 

I found myself singing along as I look up across the table and look at my ex. He was in conversation with another guy at the table. I just found myself tune out for a moment and feel sad. But then I thought, "One of these days our love will lead you back."

 

I hope that it was some sort of sign from above to keep me going. Although I also got a fortune cookie last Saturday that said "Today is the day you let it go. Your chance will come." Funny part is that the "learn chinese" word on the back of the fortune with the "lucky numbers" was "Boy-friend." I got a good laugh out of this and then taped the fortune to my computer monitor at work. So everyday I look at it and say to myself. "Today is the day you let it go." It's been a good mantra.

 

As to whether I really have let it go...well that is a different story. Today we laughed and chatted a bit. Sometimes things were taken the wrong way or to be more serious than we meant but that is the problem with chatting online. He stopped by the apt to gather some more of his things. At this point I was feeling really crappy. I just wanted to die watching him pack his dvds. I couldn't even smile and I knew I was making the situation unpleasant. He left and it just was so sad. But then I realized he had left a book sitting on the couch so I grabbed it and ran down the stairs to catch him. We then talked for a good bit outside his car and were able to leave things on a friendlier note.

 

NC is not an option for me. I am trying to maintain LC and waiting for him to contact me first. I have accepted that we can only possibly ever be together again in the distant future but I believe that if we ever did get back together it would be forever. He would never take another chance on me unless he realized that he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. I am leaving my trust in God. I have become a much more spiritual person due to this break up.

 

I am planning to move away in the next few months and I have encouraged him to do the same. Although he is seeing someone new now, I truely believe that what I have felt and still feel for him is true love. I know that he loves me. He may not be in love with me right now and maybe he never allowed himself to be. But I believe we will make the effort to remain friends for a long time. I believe it will get easier and easier to be his friend because I do love him. I will always love him. If it is only meant to be a friendship, I will find someone new who will love me back. Right now, I must love myself and remember love in everything I do.

[Scorpio13c]

I'm glad you have become more spiritual C.L.G.

My best wishes for you!

Scorp

[cant let go]

Thanks Scorp. It's hard to be strong some days. Every night I thank God for helping me through the day and ask for help for the next. Surrendering control of the situation is not easy but it is so important. Thanks for reading.