so gutted Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 OK - I really am in a state of depression. An emotional trance. I havnt been going to work and im not physically ill - myabe mentally. Usually a tough cookie (on the outside) but now its all got to me and i cant step out of these weird trance. I cant break old habits. A few months ago I was so BORED and fed up of life and mates not being avilable that I contacted an old "flame"/ Some of you may remember him. I met him last year and got drunk and then hounded him.....not a good start. I intiated it all and he was only too please to meet me in a hotel room etc etc. We didnt have sex but i did stay the night. I had no regrets. For a while he was ok, he contacted me (he wasn't too good at this) and we met again 3 times. Then he went dead quiet. for 2 months I left it and the I contacted him again.We met again ( it was on his terms). Only this time he was a bit offhand. after 20 mins he received a call and more or less asked me to leave ( said it was his U-S office etc) . i was not happy - i felt very humiliated.Not only because he was asking me to leave but because he asked me when he had just "come". After this i didn't receive any text messages saying sorry. You would think i had learnt my lesson - while out there in the cold. but 4 days later i texted him and had a go at him for being so disrespectful. He said sorry ...and it was bad timing. He replied to my texts politely enough but that was it - i more or less asked for an apology. Since then i have expected him to call - i just wanted to pick up some of my self respect - but NOTHING. This isn't the only reason i am out of myself. I have lately joined a few clubs etc to meet more WOMEN - as a way to get over this creep and to do something ....but i have found that the women form their own cliques and even exclude me after 1 or 2 events. I am really down. Its all affecting my work and a good day is when i havn't texted that creep. Why do i still feel the need to see him when he clearly doesn't want to see me - even when i arrive on his doorstep.
jcster Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Hi So Gutted, I'm sorry to hear that this is still a problem for you. Did you ever look into the Borderline personality disorder info that I linked for you previously? Have you found a counselor that you can relate to? It's not your old flame that has you upset - you can only start feeling better if you take the first step.
Author so gutted Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 HI thanks - yes i did look into this and it is spot on.... and i am still doing it I dont know how to move forward - i have never been this depressed and not cared about ANYTHING before. how do i erase a jerk ?
Phoenix11 Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 So sorry to hear this....I think I know exactly how you feel. See my post today. I'm in the same depression...REAL BAD. Can't get motivated...and it makes no sense. I don't have any good advice to give...only to say...you are not alone.
jcster Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I dont know how to move forward - i have never been this depressed and not cared about ANYTHING before. I have a very wise friend who told me that moving forward doesn't mean moving quickly. Just a tiny step in the right direction will help. As long as you keep moving, you are making progress. So, you posted here with your problem..that's a step. I really suggest that you give the therapist another try.
Author so gutted Posted November 11, 2007 Author Posted November 11, 2007 thanks. I really HATE this guy for this. Why did i pick him? all along all he wantedd was an intimate encounter/fk budy. he never said he was going to give me anything else, so why did i expect this? also what hurts the most is that he has moved to an office 4 mins away from me and he let me know this ( when i contactedd him) even though he is so close he didnt apologize - KNOWING HE COULD BUMP INTO ME ANY DAY? Is he not ashamed of his behaviour? if not - why not? or is he so ruthless and uninterested that he has just CUT me out of his mind? why did i do this to myself? i neraly contacted him again today on the hope that even a bit of contact makes me happier/feelbetter.
Racquel Colette Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 It sounds as if this is something that never really was a real relationship. You were a fling to him from the beginning, and he didn't hide this fact from you or mislead you in any way. No offense, you are acting like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Is this what you want to be??? You really need some counseling if you are letting a guy who wasn't even your boyfriend in the first place affect you like this. I don't get why you feel he owes you an apology. You say you met on his terms, however, you are the one who contacted him in the first place. He got another call, you are just a fling...he didn't really do anything wrong. You don't know what the call was, he had to end the meeting. It's not that he was obligated to meet you for X amount of time. I mean you did see him for 20 minutes. What do you expect from a guy who has told you from the beginning that you are a fling? This confuses me that you expect an apology from him. When he is clear to you that he is not interested in you as more than a fling, when you have sexual acts with him, you are accepting his terms that this is just sex, that's it. Also, you are admitting that you are the one contacting him. Is he contacting you at all, on his own? No, you say he is not. So he is not that into you. Lots of men will have sex with a woman willing to do it with them. It doesn't mean that they are into that woman at all.
Author so gutted Posted November 11, 2007 Author Posted November 11, 2007 yes you are right - i was just a fling to him and he took what was on offer....BUT at the same time: 1) he made references to taking me away/dinner/me going over to his place ( although this was a while ago - he did this on more then 1 occasion). 2) dont i derserve a apology for the fact that he threw me out 20 mins after i arraived? isnt that rude even for a fling??? i guess i just even what he offered me was better then not having it. Yes - i contacted him BUT in the hope that this may remind him of the last times and for him to contact me again..........
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