angie16 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 i was really better, but what would have been our 2 year is coming up sunday and I'm unraveling. i just want him to tell me that he wants to try. thats all i want.
MattyTee Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Hey Angie, I'm sorry, that must be hard. Perhaps see if you can plan yourself a fun day with some friends - keep it busy Sorry I can't say anything to soothe.
sedgwick Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Spin, does this mean you broke NC again? Stop it, girl! You're way too good to be chasing this dude around! (((((((SPIN))))))))))
carrotgirl Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Wait a minute now. Before we judge based on not much and a frownie face.... What did you want/need out of it in the most immediate sense? Did you get what you wanted/needed out of it? Carrot
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Thankyou for the replies. Carrot. I wanted friendship nothing more, for just one day. I am having a bad time (not over him). He didnt want to, okay, but scolding me?! Acting as though he was doing me a favour by even speaking to me! I found too much. I know Jmina is right and I should not expect anything, and he owes me nothing, but still I find treating somebody you "loved" like that, its just not very nice.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 again what hun, broke NC? Delete them, all the emails, numbers - write them down on a post it note, put that inside a book and put the book away in a cupboard. Why - well if you feel tempted by having to go through all the effort to get the numbers from the book in the cupboard and type it in the phone, it should be enough time for you to think twice about what you are about to do. xxx
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 again what hun, broke NC? Delete them, all the emails, numbers - write them down on a post it note, put that inside a book and put the book away in a cupboard. Why - well if you feel tempted by having to go through all the effort to get the numbers from the book in the cupboard and type it in the phone, it should be enough time for you to think twice about what you are about to do. xxx Lol thanks. And I was just replying to your thread too! It would be a good idea if I was in love with him and breaking nc made me feel bad because I wanted to be with him. But breaking nc is pointless, because he is cold and cannot give me friendship when I am feeling bad.
funkybassplayer Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Thankyou for the replies. Carrot. I wanted friendship nothing more, for just one day. I am having a bad time (not over him). He didnt want to, okay, but scolding me?! Acting as though he was doing me a favour by even speaking to me! I found too much. I know Jmina is right and I should not expect anything, and he owes me nothing, but still I find treating somebody you "loved" like that, its just not very nice. Although you want friendship you are not in the right 'place' in yourself to be a friend. Belive me this comes through as needy vibes, and he will see it. You really have to be trully settled in your heart and soul b4 you can be friends with some1 that you once loved, and that will take months.
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Yes I agree, it came off as needy, and also that I am probably not offering much in the way of friendship myself. I think people feel needy when they get dumped, and feel hurt even when the relationship wasnt right, and they dont want it back. Of course he doesnt owe me anything just because he hurt me. I know that, but a little compassion would not hurt him would it? He knows I dont want to be with him, and he knows he doesnt want to be with me.
funkybassplayer Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Yes I agree, it came off as needy, and also that I am probably not offering much in the way of friendship myself. I think people feel needy when they get dumped, and feel hurt even when the relationship wasnt right, and they dont want it back. Of course he doesnt owe me anything just because he hurt me. I know that, but a little compassion would not hurt him would it? He knows I dont want to be with him, and he knows he doesnt want to be with me. Sometimes a reaction that you got is due to his own guilt, and like you say, we all feel needy and sometimes feel that we want to connect back to the one we love. What you did was not a bad thing, dont let the ego make you feel that way, you just reached out to someone that you love. At the end of the day, if freinds is on your mind, get yourself into a stronger mindset, and even if you are in n/c while you do it, he will know your working on yourself.
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Yes, I see what you mean. I cannot expect what I cannot offer. I saw that clearly in my last post. Oh well. Back to work on myself then.
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I dont think it is guilt. I think he sees that a friendship would be much the same as the relationship, and he is being sensible. I know that really, but it doesnt stop me feeling hurt.
Jmina Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I don't really know what to say, because i don't know if my last post upset you alot or not... ive been having it hard again too but i refuse to stay down for too long. i have to get it all out onto paper and so it doesnt bottle up Take Care Spind. thinking of you. and always here Jmina
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Jmina! Your last post was amazing, but I feel I am too fragile to think about those things at the moment. It started then, its been spiralling since. Its why I keep contacting. Sorry you are feeling bad, do your beautiful writing and keep strong.
Jmina Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 thanks spind. i only went into those other things becase you were asking the questions. but i guess things have to get worse before they get better. i dreamt last night my ex left me for my brother. no idea how that one came about but those dreams feel so real and are so upsetting. i just think she must be missing me and thinking about me now and im just waiting for her to contact me but each day passes and im both relieved that she didnt contact and sad also. sigh. i love her so much, i thought it was disovling but really its not. i think i really will always love her, ive always said it, but now i think i know it because im not trying to love her and keep her in my thoughts, she just is and i really cannot ignore it. im going to go back into just accepting that i lvoe her and continue to love her from afar. pretending that i dont doesnt really work for me. where as i do find happiness the other way. Love, peace Jmina
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Yes Jmina, it is wise. Accept that you love her, and accept your feelings. If you are fighting your feelings then all your energy and concentration goes into that.
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 oh and... thanks spind. i only went into those other things becase you were asking the questions. I really really appreciated those answers, I had many revelations, but did not come to any conclusions yet as to what to do, except to try to be at peace, and let the answers come by themselves. It is just that the peace is not coming yet.
Jmina Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Thanks, that is a little bit of relief, i thought i may have affended you or something with those. well, i know with me that a lot of the time there is a kind of process that happens, and i will have to go through a hard time to get something out of it in the end, and then i find the peace. we are still healing, still coping, still accepting and grieving. it will be worth it in the end. if we let it. Jmina xxx
carrotgirl Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Jmina we ALL appreciated those answers! {{{{Spind}}}} Let us fill as much need as we can? Don't sweat feeling needy 'cause damn it! Sometimes we're needy. We just are. Everything and everybody needs some kind of attention and nourishment. Except for maybe minerals... and tapioca pudding. Carrot
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Thanks, that is a little bit of relief, i thought i may have affended you or something with those. well, i know with me that a lot of the time there is a kind of process that happens, and i will have to go through a hard time to get something out of it in the end, and then i find the peace. we are still healing, still coping, still accepting and grieving. it will be worth it in the end. if we let it. Jmina xxx No, of course you did not offend me. (hugs)
Jmina Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Thankyou carrot!!! lol "Except for maybe minerals... and tapioca pudding" =)
Spinderella Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Let us fill as much need as we can? Don't sweat feeling needy 'cause damn it! Sometimes we're needy. We just are. Everything and everybody needs some kind of attention and nourishment. Except for maybe minerals... and tapioca pudding. Carrot Thanks Carrot, it's a relief to read those words. I'm not ashamed that I am feeling needy, but so often in this world people respond with, "its not my problem". Funnily those people are usually the first to contact you if they dont feel good. Anyway, its refreshing, and thankyou.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 trust me to get the wrong end of it, sorry hun. So what was the AGAIN?? Curious now xxx
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