peanut Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 I'm reposting this, I'm a newbie and posted in wrong forum, but need some advice asap. So here's the deal. I'm afraid I may have made a mistake getting married. We've been married a little over a year, dated for almost 5 years before. No kids. Thing is, we both work in music/play music and our relationship has always been infused with drinking and drugs, plus he's away 250 days out of the year and I am home. Now, I'm sobering up and realize we have no physical, mental, emotional or spiritual connection, not compared to a new friend I've made...and not compared to relationships I've had before. I knew before we were married that it didn't feel right, but for some reason I went ahead and married anyway because in our biz we work well as a team, plus we were too messed up to think too much about it. Now that I'm not partying all the time, I feel I have bigger things in store for me, and am not sure if I can handle being alone so much. That's the tip of the iceberg on our issues. He's willing to sober up and do whatever it takes to make it work, but I'm already so disgusted with him for things he says and does--things that I don't agree with on so many levels, and I've been depressed all year for letting it go this far without really being honest with myself. He knows I'm unhappy, but he doesn't know how bad it is. I feel like I'm just waking up from a bad dream and found myself in a bad marriage...what do I do...I really feel such a strong connection with this other man.
Lizzie60 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 divorce.. it's not too late to start fresh all over again. You have no kids so it will be much easier. Never too late to do the right thing!... good luck!
reboot Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Just in case you wanted to hear it, I'll copy my advice from your other thread into this one. not compared to a new friend I've made... I really feel such a strong connection with this other man.The fog of an affair often leads us to see the absolute worst in our partners. Are you sure your H is as bad as you're saying? Why did you marry him in the first place then? (and I don't really buy the explanations you already gave) Your choices are fairly simple (simple does not mean easy though). If you're really done with your marriage, divorce him. But don't cheat on him. Just get it done and spare you and him both the pain of what will surely happen if you don't leave him and still try to have a relationship with someone else at the same time. If you want to try and save your marriage, then the other guy has to go. At least until you're given the marriage your full effort. You did say your H was willing to do anything. You would need to do the same, and there's no way to do that while living in Afariyland. Trying to keep both relationships is usually pretty impractical.
cj1988 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I agree considering my H almost or did do the same thing. I watched a manI I have been with for 12 years change in a matter of months. I became the enemy really fast and it was because he was definitely emotionally involved if not physically as well. If you can get away from the OM and have NC at all and figure out what you want for YOU, without him being an option, you will be able to be honest with yourself and do the right thing. I understand about the drugs. partying etc. I am not a party person, drink on the weekends sometimes at home, but my H smokes all day and drinks every night. It is very upsetting, but I knew what he was like before I met and married him, I cannot expect him to change now. He does not hang out in bars or with women, just a buddy in his garage working on things. But if you are sober and watching it can be gross sometimes. Now, give him a chance to be sober and see what happens, then decide, but if you know you are not in love with him, go ahead....start a new life.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 11, 2007 Posted November 11, 2007 You know, you don't see him very much...You have no children...He's in the music scene... Why not get it annulled? I don't see why you should waste any more time when you know it's wrong for you...Why chance getting pregnant and making it worse?
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