Depression seems to be coming back

[bigheartkindsoul]

I was depressed about my break up back in July (see other posts if interested).

 

I was depressed about 6wks ago just before i went on holiday but on my return 2.5wks ago I have been doing great and even came off my meds while away,

 

Now I feel down again, the thoughts about the ex are coming back, I am trying to block them out and stay happy but its hard.

 

I don't understand because I don't want him in my life, I just feel depressed that this happened to me and that I have to go about finding another when I thought he was the one, thought we were gonna get married, he wasted my time he wasted my feelings just cause he was insecure he manipulated me.

 

Trust me I do not sit and yearn for him anymore, just miss having someone around, you know someone that enhances your life.

 

I.e. Watching a dvd is great and happy to do this alone, but its so much nicer watching a dvd while cuddling up on the sofa with your special someone.

 

Basically I'm fck'd up. That high I had for the last few weeks seems to have come crashing down with a bang and I don't know how to get it back.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Just destined to be depressed and alone I guess.

 

Sobbing once again, not knowing how I can once and for all forget about what he did to me and how much he hurt me.

 

Feel so lonely can't do this anymore. I've spent 4yrs single apart from him I don't want to be single anymore, I just don't want too. I want the LT relationship, I want the Kitty fairytale wedding, I wanna live with someone.

 

It's just never gonna happen so might as well quit. This f-ing sucks.

[MattyTee]

Awww heart *hugs*

 

When we're feeling down and lonely it's hard to imagine anything good. I'm with you on feeling crappy today. So *hug* it out!

 

Just remember to let yourself feel sad today and things will change for you as time marches on. I've been reading through your posts on the forum for quite some time and you always give a lot to everyone, you have such a great strength within you - remember that hasn't deserted you, it's just having a little nap!

 

It does suck, but it will happen. I wish I could say more

[pinktiger]

Matty, thanks for your message. It gives courage to everyone on the forum.

I am depressed as well because I saw not-so-pretty side of him and could not believe i fell for him for a year!

 

just have to cut the loss and walk away.

 

we still talk, but my perception is totally different now.

[ncpd25]

BHKS,

I know exactly how you feel. I've been going through the motions and trying to navigate my way through all of the typical feelings as well. The one thing that bothers me is that I would rather have not even met my ex (sounds sad). I was fine before meeting her. I was single but, was doing well and didn't feel down. I too, thought it was going to be a long term relationship. She convinced me of that. marraige, the whole kit and kaboodle.

 

Now, I sit here picking up the pieces. I truly would love to be with somebody that I can place my love and trust with. Somebody, I can be there for and will be there for me. I'm getting to the point, where I'm begining to feel a bit better but, there are still of plenty of times when I go out and I wish I had somebody by my side to share memorable times with. A nice dinner, good conversation, laughing, holding hands etc... I'll have to wait until, I can shake off these feelings and then move on (I refuse to walk into a relationship with baggage).

 

It's true that there are going to be ups and downs after a break-up. You've already proven to yourself that you have the strength to work past the "downs". Unfortunately, you hit a brief low point (temporary). You just need to get back where you were. I have no doubt, you'll be back there very soon.

 

You've done it before and you'll do it again. Don't deny youself hapiness because of your ex. There's some lucky guy out there waiting to meet you. When it happens, you'll bowl him over and he'll sweep you off your feet.

 

My last vacation was to England (I live in the states). I have family in England and went to visit them for a month. I was able to leave my world behind and go on a wonderful trip. While I was there, I didn't have a care in the world. It had been a while since my last trip so, I really enjoyed traveling around and going different places.

 

Don't give up on love, companionship and a soulmate. You deserve that and a lot more!!

[bigheartkindsoul]

aww thank you all for your kind words, it means alot and does help, lots it really does.

 

xxxxx

 

((((hugs))))

[bigheartkindsoul]

BHKS,

I know exactly how you feel. I've been going through the motions and trying to navigate my way through all of the typical feelings as well. The one thing that bothers me is that I would rather have not even met my ex (sounds sad). I was fine before meeting her. I was single but, was doing well and didn't feel down. I too, thought it was going to be a long term relationship. She convinced me of that. marraige, the whole kit and kaboodle.

 

Now, I sit here picking up the pieces. I truly would love to be with somebody that I can place my love and trust with. Somebody, I can be there for and will be there for me. I'm getting to the point, where I'm begining to feel a bit better but, there are still of plenty of times when I go out and I wish I had somebody by my side to share memorable times with. A nice dinner, good conversation, laughing, holding hands etc... I'll have to wait until, I can shake off these feelings and then move on (I refuse to walk into a relationship with baggage).

 

It's true that there are going to be ups and downs after a break-up. You've already proven to yourself that you have the strength to work past the "downs". Unfortunately, you hit a brief low point (temporary). You just need to get back where you were. I have no doubt, you'll be back there very soon.

 

You've done it before and you'll do it again. Don't deny youself hapiness because of your ex. There's some lucky guy out there waiting to meet you. When it happens, you'll bowl him over and he'll sweep you off your feet.

 

My last vacation was to England (I live in the states). I have family in England and went to visit them for a month. I was able to leave my world behind and go on a wonderful trip. While I was there, I didn't have a care in the world. It had been a while since my last trip so, I really enjoyed traveling around and going different places.

 

Don't give up on love, companionship and a soulmate. You deserve that and a lot more!!

 

Marriage- yep, he was a total @rse for suckering me in like this, he was the insecure one to start with so made these promises and gave false hope to then make me isecure and him feel empowered, honest he did. I could not see it at the time but only since. And reading alot about alot.

 

He was bad person for doing this, very bad.

 

He made me so ill yet I stuck by him, I loved him with every ounze I had in me. He threw all that away.

 

Yes and you are right the holiday was a massive distraction and now having found out next week i have my Sales meeting 30 seconds from his place and might possibliy see him but will have to go to his village, well just hit home and started the brain matter off on thinking and feeling low again.

 

Somehow this will just be a blip, I don't know how I will do it but that @rse will not get the better of me he just is not worth any of my words, tears or energy.

[quankanne]

BHKS – going the nerd route here … has the doctor prescribed any anti-depressants to treat the depression that occurs when your body is battling constant pain? With some of the problems you've discussed about your back, it sounds like you're affected by that naturally occurring depression associated with the back pain. And that depression can seriously affect your perspective on things happening in your life – like the break-up with Prick Boy and your single state. The right meds will help temper these responses you're having to different events in your life, make them more of a pesky intrusion rather than a horrific episode …

 

as for being alone the rest of your life … I truly believe that every failed love relationship you experience, you get one step closer to the love you're ultimately meant to have. It's like the saying goes, sometimes you've gotta kiss a lotta frogs before you find your prince!

 

so, chin up, girl. At some point in the not-too-distant future, you're going to look back at your time with Prick Boy and wonder what the hell you ever found so special with him. And believe me, you'll get to that point, even if you feel that the heart-pain you're having right now about that relationship is never gonna go away. There *is* a shelf-life for this kind of pain, it's just a matter of allowing yourself to believe that you will move past it.

 

hugs to you, kiddo!

[bigheartkindsoul]

Thanks - Prick boy I like it that made me laugh!! thank you

 

I hear you but I want to stay off the meds as they were not doing me any favours with trying to hold up my job, I can do this without them I have alot of courage, strength and fight in me. I can I can I will.

[SunnyLady]

I'm sorry for the way you're feeling. I am going through the same thing. Right now my eyes are overflowing with tears. I wish my heart could write for me... but ill try to get out a few words.

 

We experineced losses. Even though we are moving on, we will still miss them. But it will not always be this way for you. You will find the bet partner... but we can;t fully enjoy joy without feeling pain. We can't appreciate good things without experiencing the bad. Troubles don't last forever. And this period will one day, sooner hopefully than later be the past.

 

I guess im at a loss of words. Just want you to know i am going through the exact same thing. I feel worse than you do, but i know the sun will shine again once day...some day. Hugs.

[bigheartkindsoul]

I am just gonna treat myself to some pampering this evening and hope I feel better later.

 

Nice bath, paint nails, do my hair, watch a cute DVD, do some exercise, have some wine and food I made - its not a cure but might perk me up a bit.

 

That or a real hug from a nice burly bloke would be good, but sigh have to stick with plan A.

[serendip]

I think you are just dealing with the loss of a relationship...it sounds like you know the person was wrong for you.

 

It's just the loss of hopes and dreams of a future together and the investment of time and care that you put into the relationship.

 

I think everyone goes through it one way or another. But just think there might be someone better for you....just around the bend.

 

take care of yourself

[bigheartkindsoul]

I think you are just dealing with the loss of a relationship...it sounds like you know the person was wrong for you.

 

It's just the loss of hopes and dreams of a future together and the investment of time and care that you put into the relationship.

 

I think everyone goes through it one way or another. But just think there might be someone better for you....just around the bend.

 

take care of yourself

 

Thank you hunny xxxx

[ninjaturtles]

You have been of so much help to me!! Im actually not happy that you are depressed..i actually feel sad:-( that you are depressed.......

 

I guess you're human, Im not too good with advice, but its ok to breakdown sometimes, its not like its years ago you broke up..you've been very strong and you have been a big source of encouragement to me, so dont worry!!....Sometimes its good to let of all your emotions, instead of storing them all up or blocking them out.....

 

Hope you feel better now, I ma about to go get something yummy to eat...and then watch a nice dvd with my girl frends..do something fun......

 

And hope you feel better....xxxx

[bigheartkindsoul]

awww hun such lovely words, thank you. Please don't be sad, I will be ok I just am having a rough few days but I will be back. And I still like to help others including your good self.

 

Yeah sometimes I write on here just to vent whats going around in my head.

[oppath]

Big heart,

 

I would suggest taking a 1 week hiatus from LS. Seriously, being on here can give you a lot of support, but it can also make you depressed. I know that when I disappear for a week, I think about my loneliness and last relationship less. When I'm on here a bunch, I think about far too often.

 

So give yourself a break. Take a vacation from LS and from your problems. When negative thoughts come into your head, say "I'm on vacation from that this week."

 

It helps me.

 

Aside from that, depression is an illness that I suffer from and I know exactly how you feel. My ex told me she loved me and thought I was the guy she was going to marry, that she would daydream about our son when I was hiking up some rocks, imagining him following me, etc. She broke up with me because she wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship -- her ex was still in the picture, he actually proposed to her though she did not tell me this even though she said no to him -- and 1.5 weeks later she asked me to be friends with benefits. I said no, and her last words to me were "I was just joking." I learned about her ex later from a friend and she refused to speak to me about it, just hanging up. I felt USED. I suffered from clinical depression before that happened. It broke me.

 

I understand what it is like to think you have found the one and to feel like you were manipulated and that it was a lie. I understand what it is like to feel depressed outside of dealing with the breakup. It is the worst possible feeling.

 

Take a break from LS. Treat your depression.

[sedgwick]

Oh honey, I'm in exactly the same place as you. Breakup was in July, just got back from 7 wk vacation, etc. I've only been back for three days but I've spent most of that time sleeping. It's so hard not to talk to him now that we're finally in the same city again. Before we broke up, this was the time we were looking forward to. He'd be back from tour, I'd be back from Mexico, we could finally see each other again. And now it's that time and we're not even speaking. It really sucks. The worst part is that I've had his phone/email/myspace blocked since late August, and I keep thinking, "Well, but SURELY he's tried to contact me, right? So now I could contact him, right?" And yet I know, with the logical part of me, that he hasn't tried to contact me at all. I was not good enough for him, because I'm not a musician. And it sucks, it really does. I guess the only thing to do is just try to move on in one way or another...

[Crestfallen_KH]

I think this could actually be healthy for you. As long as you are "moving through the stages" and don't get "stuck" at anger, or depression, etc. then you are still progressing in your healing.

 

I know what you mean - I woke up today, crying and sad again, but now I feel better this afternoon and am focusing on doing things that make me feel good (work, going out with friends tonight, etc.). As long as the depression doesn't completly blindside you or prevent you from functioning for several days, it's probably just a signal that there's more work to be done.

 

It does get overwhelming, though. I'm only two months in since my separation and my divorce isn't even final, but I'm already getting sick of feeling this way. To know it will probably last for many more months is just hard to accept, but as long as we take it day by day, we're all just getting that much closer to our respective "end" points.

[brothermartin]

Hey BIGHEART. Are you still sulking for that boy? Stop. He dosent deserve it.

You're better than that and you know it. What I dont understand is why you are having a hard time meeting other guys. You seem very attractive and witty to me. If I were there or you were here, Id ask you out in a heart-beat!

 

Either way, its OK. Like you said, you are strong and you will get past this.

Keep your chin up champ! Im sending you a HUG right now!

[brothermartin]

SEDGWICK!! Long time no hear! Whats happin' captain? I see you're still sulking to. Ladies, please. You dont have to find a man to love you, the man will find you! Trust me, BROTHERMARTIN knows these things!

[bigheartkindsoul]

Oh honey, I'm in exactly the same place as you. Breakup was in July, just got back from 7 wk vacation, etc. I've only been back for three days but I've spent most of that time sleeping. It's so hard not to talk to him now that we're finally in the same city again. Before we broke up, this was the time we were looking forward to. He'd be back from tour, I'd be back from Mexico, we could finally see each other again. And now it's that time and we're not even speaking. It really sucks. The worst part is that I've had his phone/email/myspace blocked since late August, and I keep thinking, "Well, but SURELY he's tried to contact me, right? So now I could contact him, right?" And yet I know, with the logical part of me, that he hasn't tried to contact me at all. I was not good enough for him, because I'm not a musician. And it sucks, it really does. I guess the only thing to do is just try to move on in one way or another...

 

Well for me the good thing is I do not want to hear from mine, ever, am total done with him. It is just the residue of hurt now. I just need to settle back into normal life again which does have its downfalls unfortunately.

 

I am much better today.

 

 

I think this could actually be healthy for you. As long as you are "moving through the stages" and don't get "stuck" at anger, or depression, etc. then you are still progressing in your healing.

 

I know what you mean - I woke up today, crying and sad again, but now I feel better this afternoon and am focusing on doing things that make me feel good (work, going out with friends tonight, etc.). As long as the depression doesn't completly blindside you or prevent you from functioning for several days, it's probably just a signal that there's more work to be done.

 

It does get overwhelming, though. I'm only two months in since my separation and my divorce isn't even final, but I'm already getting sick of feeling this way. To know it will probably last for many more months is just hard to accept, but as long as we take it day by day, we're all just getting that much closer to our respective "end" points.

 

I have accepted that it is over, I still am just angry and saddened that someone could treat someone so nice so badly. If I had been the worlds worst person I could understand a little but I gave so much of myself and all I got in the end was a kick in the teeth and a brokenheart and left to pick up the trail of destruction he left behind.

 

It def is his loss, I doubt he will ever find anyone who was as kind and generous, was a great lover, great friend, interested in him, his family, his friends, his hobbies, that would keep the romance going and was horny as hell, so many other good things - he might get some but he won't get it all. I have no doubt one day I will hear from him, thankfully I am clear in my own head that I do not want anything to do with someone so selfish.

 

Hey BIGHEART. Are you still sulking for that boy? Stop. He dosent deserve it.

You're better than that and you know it. What I dont understand is why you are having a hard time meeting other guys. You seem very attractive and witty to me. If I were there or you were here, Id ask you out in a heart-beat!

 

Either way, its OK. Like you said, you are strong and you will get past this.

Keep your chin up champ! Im sending you a HUG right now!

 

I am trying, its tough but believe I am not sulking over him, just sad in general.

 

He is a 31yr old ginger nut, with no money behind him, no friends down here cause they are all up north, selfish and has a small willy.

 

I on the other hand have a property, money, blonde hair, big tits, nice ass, great legs, excellent SOH and witt, compassion and lots of friends and alot more. (sorry just trying to make myself feel better)

[Spinderella]

He is a 31yr old ginger nut, with no money behind him, no friends down here cause they are all up north, selfish and has a small willy.

 

I on the other hand have a property, money, blonde hair, big tits, nice ass, great legs, excellent SOH and witt, compassion and lots of friends and alot more. (sorry just trying to make myself feel better)

Wow! where do you get these affirmations from

Seriously, good for you for realising how great you are. Just remember, he doesnt need to be bad for you to be great. You're great anyway, and its nothing to do with him.

Glad you are feeling better. Sometimes everything just hits. I would agree with the poster that suggested it may be something to do with coming off your meds, but glad that you have decided not to go back on them.

I dont think meds should be used for every pain we go through, but for treating a more serious depression. But thats just my opinion.

Its possible this hit in order for you to realise you could cope with it, you are strong enough, and you do have alot going for you.

[mikesinclair]

I on the other hand have a property, money, blonde hair, big tits, nice ass, great legs, excellent SOH and witt, compassion and lots of friends and alot more. (sorry just trying to make myself feel better)

 

BKHS

see now you need to take this confidence and go and play on some dating sites.

Im 29, burly, got brown hair, brown eyes, knows how to treat a women, even tho thats my downfall.

Live close by, fancy a drink sometime ? ( ill send u a pic if u ask nicely )

[bigheartkindsoul]

I on the other hand have a property, money, blonde hair, big tits, nice ass, great legs, excellent SOH and witt, compassion and lots of friends and alot more. (sorry just trying to make myself feel better)

 

BKHS

see now you need to take this confidence and go and play on some dating sites.

Im 29, burly, got brown hair, brown eyes, knows how to treat a women, even tho thats my downfall.

Live close by, fancy a drink sometime ? ( ill send u a pic if u ask nicely )

 

Yes I am working on keeping my self esteem up always, but I am sure most girls would agree even the ultra confident ones that they have fat n ugly days. Even Elle McPherson and others have those and admit it.

 

Well I would PM you for a chat but you do not have the option.

[mikesinclair]

 

Well I would PM you for a chat but you do not have the option.

 

 

How do i get that option then ? could use MSN....