london2007girl Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 I wonder if anyone ahs any advice for me? I've been with my b/f 3 and half years and we were very much happy. Frequenting strip joints was a strictly 'stag-do' or 'boys weekend' event for him. the last 'boys weekend' in Portugal led to a visit to a strip club were he got very drunk. He admitted to me as soon as he got back that the stripper had began to perform a sex act on him before he realised what was happening and stopped her. Do others consider this as cheating? I feel awful and have a lot of anger towards him for making this mistake - he has apologised and appears genuinly sorry - but surely you would not put yourself in that position in the first place if you did'nt want something to happen? Our relationship wa sooo good before, I've always thought if anything unsavoury happened I would be right out the door - but this is different. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
tinktronik Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 How do you begin to have a sex act performed on you without realizing what is happining? Funny that has never happened to me or anyone I have spoken to. Why don't you think about that .
Author london2007girl Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Good point. He said he was very drunk (he even suggested his drink might have been spiked) that he was not thinking straight and that it was like someone throwing a bucket of cold water over him when he realised how far it had gone...
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 the stripper had began to perform a sex act on him before he realised what was happening and stopped her. Which part clued him in? Him putting himself in a position to have a sex act done on him? Him paying her (they don't give 'freebies'). The removal of his pants? His underwear? Her hands/mouth on him? Honestly, he is just telling you this to spare your feelings. The fact that he told you anything at all is commendable, I guess - but unless a guy is blind and paralyzed from the waist down, he knows when someone is about to perform a sex act on him, particularly if the woman in question is paid to do such things. He may be paranoid about catching an STD and is looking for a way to explain it away if it comes to that.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Me thinks it was his conscience that kick in, not a all of a sudden he sobered up to realised there was some bird on his willy. He did admit it, which is a good thing, but I'd make him make it up to you big time and ask him to consider not going to these things in the future. However if it was me, I think I would just tell him to FO and get out of my life cause I could never trust him again - but that is just me.
littlekitty Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 He was drunk - great excuse. How many times have we all heard that one? No matter how drunk he was, he shouldn't have put himself in a position where this would happen! Plus I've never heard of a stipper just doing a sex act on someone!! Usually you'd have to arrange this or to pay them more to do it..... something doesn't add here.
tinktronik Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 So he's using the old ."I was drunk " excuse . I thought that one was used only by the female persuasion. Clearly you want to believe and forgive him as you are using excuses for him . I personally would not do so , but if it is what you want to do , forgive him and don't bring it up anymore with him , move on as if it never happened . And don't look mback . If you find you have doubts , clear out and end this Relationship.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 He was drunk - great excuse. How many times have we all heard that one? No matter how drunk he was, he shouldn't have put himself in a position where this would happen! Plus I've never heard of a stipper just doing a sex act on someone!! Usually you'd have to arrange this or to pay them more to do it..... something doesn't add here. dam good point about the money! Upfront normally I believe. Like I said it was his conscience that kicked in but should have kicked in about 10mins before it got that far.
Poboy Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Good point. He said he was very drunk (he even suggested his drink might have been spiked) that he was not thinking straight and that it was like someone throwing a bucket of cold water over him when he realised how far it had gone... yup , guys can get that drunk . i used to and seriously , i had no idea what happened until i got up next morning . i would vaguely remember things but nothing completely. can you ask his friends what exactly happened. if you believe him , you could give him another chance since he was honest with you. but if strip joints & such behavior is a deal breaker , you shouldn't be with him.
Author london2007girl Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 He paid for a private dance, and said he had a row with the staff who charged him for more, he says he did not ask for it up front. A lot of these posts are hitting home now, I have been making excuses for him, because I want there to be a valid excuse. But there isn't one. Bugger.
Love Jones Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 DUMP HIM Seriously. It's amazing how much BS and pathetic excuses us women tend to put up with from men - me included!
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 His story has many holes, especially the one in his head. Let him go and find another that respects himself. He doesn't seem to be thinking clearly.
tinktronik Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 He paid for a private dance, and said he had a row with the staff who charged him for more, he says he did not ask for it up front. A lot of these posts are hitting home now, I have been making excuses for him, because I want there to be a valid excuse. But there isn't one. Bugger. Yeah. Its so nice that you are able to see this. No valid excuse . Dump him.
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Are we jumping to the dump? Maybe if it was a short relationship, but she did put 3 1/2 years into this thing. He was decent enough to come clean and honest. Most men don't. I think you should find out everything and exactly what happened before making your decision. And do you think this has happened before? Will you ever know for sure. Maybe there should be lie detectors in every household.
annieo Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 london girl, I've been there! My post from last spring, "Strip clubs, lying, private dances" is on ls, if you're interested. My h lied like a pro initially, but eventually, I found out about the club visit (which I wouldn't have made a federal case about) and three table dances (he knew that was an agreed upon no-no). No personal service sex acts that I've heard about, but considering my h's lying ability and his desperation to keep even the mildest of his betrayal from me, I don't think I'll ever really feel like I know exactly what he's been up to. In fact, I frequently feel convinced that there is a ton about him I don't know. I could be wrong but I think it is quite common for people with a guilty conscience to tell partial truths, to lighten the load of their remorse somewhat. I also agree with many of the posters on this thread, that his story sounds suspicious. From what I know about strippers/strip clubs (and thanks to my h, that knowledge has increased tenfold since last year!), the girls don't offer sex acts (beyond the grinding of their naked parts on the clothed parts of their patrons, or should I say johns), unless there is a price negotiated and settled on in advance. It's a business transaction for them, not spontaneous lovemaking, for crying out loud. Good luck. If you're anything like me, be prepared for tattered trust for a while to come. And don't buy a load of bs from him to keep the peace. Get the truth if at all possible, and then see how you can handle it.
MerryMelodie Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I've been with my man for 4 years and I would leave him if that happened. I wouldn't put up with a guy that goes to strip clubs anyway!!! Eventually something like that, him fooling around with a skank stripper would happen! I have met strippers through other people I know and they admitted that many strippers do "extras" for the right price. Strip clubs in my opinion are for single men!! In the end it's all about what you want in your life, if you can forgive him but don't be surprised if it happens again.
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