isntitironic Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 OK so I was dating this girl back in August. We knew eachother for years before that. Well we started dating and things were great. Then we took it to the next level if you know what I mean. We never realy sat down and talked about how serious we were but maybe I assumed. Anyways I think I may have become a little jealous, possesive and yes treated her to a beligerant night of drunkness as well. Frankly she used to date my boss and I thought I needed to know where it was going imediatly. Boy he was a jerk to her, well cheated on her and stuff, and maybe the job wasn't even worth it.Well it takes two people to screw things up but I'll admit I set the stage for things to go bad. Just should have handled things better. Well fast forward to now I think I've learned from my mistakes read some books yadda yadda. Me and her have had minimal contact since then but she seems to be opening up to further communication lately. Its not realy my concern that she will give me another chance because I think she has liked the things I've had to say in letters or whatever lately. I realy think were gonna cross paths and possibly find common ground again. My concern is this. Is it normal to be still thinking about her DAILY? Things went bad end of september, we've known eachother for years but we only dated like a month. She sent me a text saying she wishes I didn't complicate things, and things shouldn't have turned out the way they did etc.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 OK so I was dating this girl back in August. We knew eachother for years before that. Well we started dating and things were great. Then we took it to the next level if you know what I mean. We never realy sat down and talked about how serious we were but maybe I assumed. Anyways I think I may have become a little jealous, possesive and yes treated her to a beligerant night of drunkness as well. Frankly she used to date my boss and I thought I needed to know where it was going imediatly. Boy he was a jerk to her, well cheated on her and stuff, and maybe the job wasn't even worth it.Well it takes two people to screw things up but I'll admit I set the stage for things to go bad. Just should have handled things better. Well fast forward to now I think I've learned from my mistakes read some books yadda yadda. Me and her have had minimal contact since then but she seems to be opening up to further communication lately. Its not realy my concern that she will give me another chance because I think she has liked the things I've had to say in letters or whatever lately. I realy think were gonna cross paths and possibly find common ground again. My concern is this. Is it normal to be still thinking about her DAILY? Things went bad end of september, we've known eachother for years but we only dated like a month. She sent me a text saying she wishes I didn't complicate things, and things shouldn't have turned out the way they did etc. Seems like you didn't get the closure you needed...so yes, it's quite normal that you think about this girl as often as you do.
Author isntitironic Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Are you saying I should be looking for closure?
Ocean-Blue Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Are you saying I should be looking for closure? Well things didn't really "end" with this girl, did they? You obviously are in contact with her and she seems to be suggesting that she may be interested in you...all of which reopens old connections. Rather than ask yourself if it's normal, how about decide if you want to pursue something with this girl? And if so, how are you going to do it? Will she respond favourably?
Author isntitironic Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 These are all great questions Blue. And frankly a big reason why I'm here. there were some people that thought she may have never talked to me again. So time may have done some healing. I think she has sensed I have grown from the comunication we've had. what would be good reasons to persue her? I was thinking that maybe just a day of fun would be a good start for pursuing her before any deep talks. Maybe a phone call. I mentioned all these things in an email and she didn't reject. Please expand on responding favourobly
Author isntitironic Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Comments from anyone else?
Ocean-Blue Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 These are all great questions Blue. And frankly a big reason why I'm here. there were some people that thought she may have never talked to me again. So time may have done some healing. I think she has sensed I have grown from the comunication we've had. what would be good reasons to persue her? I was thinking that maybe just a day of fun would be a good start for pursuing her before any deep talks. Maybe a phone call. I mentioned all these things in an email and she didn't reject. Please expand on responding favourobly What happened b/w you two that requires "healing" on her part? If you genuinely want something with her, I'd first sit down and talk to her about what happened before. Show her that you are sincerely sorry and that you've grown some since then...also let her know that this time around, you want to put in a concerted effort. This is would be a good way to start things off... It may be a bit intense, but considering that you two have history, it's better to get it out of the way at the outset. As for pursuing her...depends on the girl. What are her likes? Her dislikes? Does she appreciate cheesy, romantic gestures or would she scoff at them? I'd ask her out for coffee/dessert/drinks. It's a great way to chat with her and also serves as a starting point for this new connection you wish you establish with her.
Author isntitironic Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Basically I wanted her to let go of other men in her life. Or at least I assumed that when we started being intimate she would. She saw this as controlling. Maybe it was I don't know. Maybe she wasnt even intimate with them. she's adopted she had a tough upbringing. she had a boyfriend when they were younger but after a while he took her for granted. My boss never let her out of the house when they were together. He lived a double life. Some guys fall for her and she is turned off by it. some reject because she is an orphan with a complicated family structure. Maybe this is her way of protecting herself. Maybe it was to soon to expect a commitment from her. Maybe she wanted to be a fwb. Call me old fashioned but I still find it wierd that some women are comfortable with that. Or does this make me jealous? Attitudes toward that kind of thing are constantly changing in our society. I don't know whats right and whats wrong anymore. Maybe I needed to know exactly where things were going before going public with our relationship and risking my career. I certainly didn't handle things gracefully. Things were wonderful with us but we began to worry if there would be consequences socialy. As for interests we share the same. As foor cheesy gestures she appreciated them more when we were on good terms. After that they were used as an attempt to win back her good graces but became smothering. We both want back what we had before things got complicated. The only thing is...is it possible we could both feel that way again? I think I could but women are differnt creatures. They can want to feel a certain way but still don't. I had a way of sweeping her off her feet before. She used to feel so comfortable with me. How do I rebuild that? How do I make her fall for me? How do I make her pursue me? I just want to find common ground. I can't constantly be the one holding this together.
compassion42 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 If you think about her daily, and want her in your life, maybe you can gradually start initiating dating again. If FWB is not what you want, don't sleep with her. Just start seeing eachother again and take it one step at a time. It does sound like she is not wanting an exclusive relationship right now but maybe if you two spend time together she may change her mind.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 anybody out there? Mmm am guessing patients is not one of your stronger points! Anyway why don't you just ask her out on a date and then let things take there course.
Author isntitironic Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 OK sounds good if you think thats the best plan. good call on the patience that may be another charecter flaw of mine. I'll have tolook into that lol
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 at the end of the day its your choice what you decide to do, all we can do is pass on our thoughts and opinions, mine is the best way to find out is too ask. Worst case, she says no, but at least you will not be in limbo anymore and can move on. As for the trusting thing, sorry but there is no age thing too it, no gender thing too it. Your looking for a theme/pattern and there just isn't one. I am 34, I have never cheated, only tell those little while lies like "those shoes cost £35 when really they cost £50" kinda thing, am open and honest.
Author isntitironic Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Have you ever told a white lie such as not telling the guy you were sleeping with you had someon else sleepover because you felt it was early in the relationship and it was none of his business? So because it was none of his business you made up another story when asked what you did that night.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Have you ever told a white lie such as not telling the guy you were sleeping with you had someon else sleepover because you felt it was early in the relationship and it was none of his business? So because it was none of his business you made up another story when asked what you did that night. Nope don;t think so, seriously though if it is gonna bug you if you start seeing her again then I would suggest not. I have always been on the side of openess and honesty, As you can see from my posts my words come from my heart and are totally open even online. I cannot speak for others however my ex was a liar, hid things, big things and then said it was no big deal. He is a A Hole, take from that what you will and hope it helps some.
Author isntitironic Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 well is she an Ahole? did I have a right to know?
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