Reese12 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 So, my boyfriend and I had been together almost 3 years. I go to college in North Carolina, while he is in college in Georgia. We saw each other on a pretty regular basis about every 2 weeks since we've been in school. I thought everything was great! He told me he loved me every night and how he couldn't wait to see me again, all the way up until the day he broke up with me. One day, I get a phone call in the middle of the day. He said he thinks he needs to be single and he wanted to do it now rather than wait. This was the love of my life, i am absolutely devastated. Its been a month and i cannot shake the feeling that this is not how it was supposed to end, we were so good together! I have a feeling it had to do with thinking that maybe he was missing out on something while in college. He would see his single friends out and about, not having to check in with girlfriends and i think maybe he thought it would be easier this way. But i also know that what we had was not just another relationship, i just wish he could explain some things to me, like how he could fall out of love so quickly, if thats the case, and if it was something i did. I would give anything just to know that he still cares, even if its just a little bit. We haven't talked since the breakup. The thing that keeps me crying every night is thinking that he has not thought about me once since then...and that he is actually relieved. Should i text him and try to keep in contact? Or just let time help me move on...I've heard that time heals all broken hearts, but i feel like a different case...it wasn't supposed to be like this, i know it. Should i try to get him back? Or just forget it...WHAT TO DO???
lexi29 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Hi Reese, I know how much you are hurting- I am sort of in your same situation. My bf of 3 yrs broke up with me out of nowhere much like yours did. Everything seemed fine- he was telling me our relationship was what he always wanted, seeing me every single day (his request) and asking me to become more involved in his son's life all up until the day he told me he just wanted to be single. Totally broke my heart. I found out there was someone else and he started dating her a few days after he left me. It was an ex from his past. This may or may not be the case with your ex- he might just not want the responsibilities of having a girlfriend right now. Someone on this board posted about how guys usually detach themselves from us WHILE they are still in the relationship- they dont' let on that they are pushing you away- they act like everything is fine until they realize they are over you or can make it without you around and then they leave and move on and its easier for them. This made a lot of sense to me because I just couldn't understand how my bf of 3 yrs could just walk away so easily when I thougth everything was fine. I mean he was talking about getting engaged two weeks before he left me! Its cruel that someone would use you as their safety net until they find someone new or are comfortable being single and free. I know how hard it is to be cut off so quickly- to go cold turkey but I will tell you that believe it or not no contact is easier. It is easier because you won't have to talk to the other person and be hurt by how little they care for you now. I will also tell you not to get your hopes up but in my case my ex came back to me when he missed me and realized the other woman wasn't all that great and he made a mistake (I dont' want him back now) so that may happen in your case. But whatever you do, take care of yourself.
Amy22 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 I am sorry you are going through this. I can hear the pain in your post. I am sure he has thought about you. You dated for 3 years. Just because he doesn't contact you doesn't mean he isn't thinking about you. I know how frustrating it is for time to go by and you not to feel any better. It does take time and can take a long time but you will get through this I promise. You deserve someone that loves you as much as you love him. You sound like such a good person you don't deserve someone who would be willing to give that all up. I wouldn't contact him. He knows you love him and I am sure he knows that if he called you would talk to him. I feel bad that you don't have the answers you deserve. But I don't think contacting him to get those answers you will really get what you are looking for. A lot of time when we try and contact our ex afterwards we are left feeling worse. There is a no contact post where we are all supporting each other and helping each other not contact their ex. You can post there and get some suggestions on what you can do to help you not contact him. Stay strong and remember what you deserve.
Jasmine777 Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I am going through the same thing, it is really hard! I am in denial though. THis is a bad time for me too because my semester in college is almost over but it is hard to stay focused. I was with my boyfriend for almost six years and he broke up with me out of no where!! We were a wonderful match too! We would have gotten married and had kids. I think his bad friend is a bad influence though. If I were you I would contact him to say hi, the only thing though is if he is cold that might hurt more then if you did not talk to him. I have to ignore my ex. In your case I might call him or text him once, see how it goes. If he still cares it could spark something if it doesnt then you will have to move on. It is a sad time in one's life! I can't believe I am going through it, I am devastated I can imagine how you feel. Cheer-up and look towards your future because good things will come your way!
sedgwick Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Oh god, I feel your pain, mine did the same thing to me! Everything was great and then the morning he left to go on tour for 3 months (musician) he broke up with me. I talked to him a couple of times since but he said the exact opposite thing the second time of what he said the first, and I got off the phone crying and that was it, I blocked his email/phone/myspace and that was Aug 28. He knows where I live. He has keys to my apartment still!! It would be very easy for him to show up with flowers and apologize, so until he does that, forget it. I just feel that if he wanted me again he should have to work really hard for it. I want to make him realize that when he broke up with me, that was it, he LOST me. You want space, buddy, here's your desert wasteland!! But I know, it is so hard, it's harder every day. You just want some acknowledgement, any at all, that you ever meant anything to them. It's so easy to think that they've forgotten us completely, but I guess it's impossible to actually forget someone. I think the only thing you can do in this situation is give them NOTHING, because that's what they're giving you.
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