I met a guy, we have hit it off...but he smokes....

[Star Gazer]

Oh, but it's the personality that counts... right? Not the way he smells.

 

...and tastes.

[IrishCarBomb]

Sorry...but you DID ask......

 

And you dodged the question.

 

Does longevity necessarily mean happiness?

[uniqueone]

And you dodged the question.

 

Does longevity necessarily mean happiness?

 

 

LOL...I dodged the question? Oh yes of course! I'm dodging questions. I'm truly frightened to answer things here.

 

No...if you can reread things. I was asked if I worked out everyday or had any bad habits. It looks to me like I answered that question.

 

Your comment that I "dodged the question" is making me laugh. There's nothing to defend here. You can smoke and kill yourself....that's your perogative. More power to you. I'm not on trial here.

 

And where did you see I was asked the question about longetivy equaling happiness because I don't see where I was asked that.

[IrishCarBomb]

And where did you see I was asked the question about longetivy equaling happiness because I don't see where I was asked that.

 

I merely summarized the point in his post.

 

I don't mean to be rude, but you dodged the question again.

 

He did ask if you had any other habits, and you did answer, but it was not the point of his post.... merely a strategy to get you to admit his point.

[uniqueone]

Here's the reason there's such controversy....as I see it.

 

This is the messages that go through their mind:

 

1. There's tons of evidence about the serious consequences of smoking. There's undeniable data that if you smoke, it's going to kill you. It's been studied so extensively and even the cigarette manufacturers have to acknowledge the dangers of it now. Tons of people have died from lung cancer due to smoking and it's been well publicized.

 

2. I smoke.

 

The smoker has both of these messages and it creates a conflict. Our minds don't like conflict and seek to resolve it.

 

There are two ways to resolve this conflict. The smoker can:

 

1. Quit smoking. This seems to them like the healthiest thing to do given what they've learned. However, they're addicted and addiction is powerful, especially this being one of the strongest addictions that there is.

 

2. Distort the data. The smoker, seeking to resolve the conflict comes up with rationalities....such as "everything is bad for you"......"everything is going to kill you"......."everyone has vices"........

But coming up with justifications for smoking and by re-interpretting the data, it resolves the conflict between the fact that they smoke and the grim facts presented to them about smoking.

 

 

Here's another factor.....addiction.

 

Smokers become adamant that this is something that they CHOOSE to do. You can hear it in their arguments. Not one of them is admitting to addiction. Why? Because to admit to addiction is to admit that something has control over them and that's not something that they want to face. To them, that's looked upon as a weakness.

 

So...to counteract it, they become fervant that smoking is something that they truly WANT to do. This makes them feel in control over it. (which they're really trying to prove to themselves more than anyone else).

 

And smokers....if any of you don't think you're addicted....see how long you can go before you need your next cigarette and make a note of what happens physically and mentally during that time.

[uniqueone]

I merely summarized the point in his post.

 

I don't mean to be rude, but you dodged the question again.

 

He did ask if you had any other habits, and you did answer, but it was not the point of his post.... merely a strategy to get you to admit his point.

 

 

Oh sorry...I didn't know there was a strategy involved.....

 

The question "does longevity mean happiness" is irrelevant in this discussion. It has nothing to do with what we're talking about.....at all.

[oppath]

Oh, but it's the personality that counts... right? Not the way he smells.

 

Smell has never been the issue for me, nor the taste of her mouth, but I know from my own experience, and from stories of women who have dated smokers, that it can affect the tasted "elsewhere."

 

Of course, so does coffee, which is why I eat grapefruit and pineapple

[luvmy2ns]

Smell has never been the issue for me, nor the taste of her mouth, but I know from my own experience, and from stories of women who have dated smokers, that it can affect the tasted "elsewhere."

 

Of course, so does coffee, which is why I eat grapefruit and pineapple

 

Ah, very good. I've heard pineapple juice and 'nilla wafers are the key!

 

And I was being facetious with that post, BTW.

[The Loacker]

I don't see the need to "distort the data". I know smoking is bad for me. I know it might cause me health problems. My solution? I don't smoke very much. I'll smoke maybe 3-4 cigarettes a day, but that's about it (compared to people who smoke 5-10 a day, or even a packet a day).

 

Thing is, I tried quitting smoking once. And I succeeded. But you know what? I DID miss it. No joke, I actually got over the withdrawal symptoms (very mild in my case...just light headaches), but then when it was over I sort of felt like I wanted to smoke again. I enjoy doing it, so I do it. Absolutely no other reason.

 

And as far as working out, I'm working out to stay healthy and to be fit. So what if I smoke? I'm dying, you say? Alright, so I'm going to die tomorrow? No? The day after? Oh, you mean many, many years in the future. Well in that case, there's no reason not to work out.

[uniqueone]

I don't see the need to "distort the data". I know smoking is bad for me. I know it might cause me health problems. My solution? I don't smoke very much. I'll smoke maybe 3-4 cigarettes a day, but that's about it (compared to people who smoke 5-10 a day, or even a packet a day).

 

This is what's called rationalization. It's the same thing alcoholics do when they say "I only drink in the evenings"....or "I only have a few beers".

 

Thing is, I tried quitting smoking once. And I succeeded. But you know what? I DID miss it. No joke, I actually got over the withdrawal symptoms (very mild in my case...just light headaches), but then when it was over I sort of felt like I wanted to smoke again. I enjoy doing it, so I do it. Absolutely no other reason.

 

I've known quite a few smokers that quit temporarily. That doesn't mean you're not addicted. I'm not going to argue it....you'll never understand.

 

Btw, I've known some alcoholics that quit temporarily also.

[bluepoppy]

Of the 33% of people who get divorced - 60% of them are smokers. They reckon that the nature of smoking (needing immediate satifaction, avoidance of the issues that made you addicted in the first place - may be the reason the divorce rate is higher amongst smokers)

 

I'm dating a smoker. I hate that he smokes. For me smoking is a deal breaker. the smell makes me nautious. I will sneeze at the smell of a cigerette in the street as I'm almost allergic to it. I hate it. I hate that sometimes I lean in to kiss him and then change my mind because of the smell. It's the saddest thing, it really is, to not be able to express your affection at times. When I met him he had some kind of plan for giving up - and in all areas of his life he is a determined person and an achiver, so I didn't question that he wouldn't achieve giving up smoking too - until he didn't - by which point I was in love - and then there isn't much you can do but find ways of making them smoke outside.

 

Fact is, if you've made a connection, you may or may not fall in love and it's not like those special connections are ten a penny. they are special because they are rare so you have to explore it and find out where that leads - and even with love - we find ways to deal with the flaws.

 

But where there is smoke there will be fire.

[The Loacker]

This is what's called rationalization. It's the same thing alcoholics do when they say "I only drink in the evenings"....or "I only have a few beers".

 

 

 

I've known quite a few smokers that quit temporarily. That doesn't mean you're not addicted. I'm not going to argue it....you'll never understand.

 

Btw, I've known some alcoholics that quit temporarily also.

 

Not saying that because I only smoke 3-4 a day that it doesn't hurt me, but I'm just saying it's within my boundaries of what's comfortable. If I smoke 6 or 7 a day (at a party), then I feel like I'm smoking too much and I cut back the next day. But again, the point is that not everyone who smokes is rationalizing it away to themselves. Most of the smokers I know understand that smoking is bad for them. They still do it though, because they want to. You might say they're addicted, but even still they KNOW that it's bad for them and they still do it. They're not trying to rationalize it away by saying, "Oh it's not THAT bad."

[IrishCarBomb]

Oh sorry...I didn't know there was a strategy involved.....

 

You know very well there's a strategy involved, yours is clearly that you don't like answering direct questions.

 

The question "does longevity mean happiness" is irrelevant in this discussion. It has nothing to do with what we're talking about.....at all.

 

Wrong.

 

You attack smokers based on how their poor health choices will shorten their lives. The question of longevity in regards to happiness is very relevant.

 

Does longevity necessarily mean happiness?

[uniqueone]

You know very well there's a strategy involved, yours is clearly that you don't like answering direct questions.

 

Yes you're right....it's part of my master plan.....

 

I answer relevant questions not ones that are on an entirely different topic.

 

 

 

You attack smokers based on how their poor health choices will shorten their lives.

 

Telling people that they shouldn't smoke is an attack? Wow.

 

And read your sentence again. Do you realize how ridiculous it sounds? I mean REALLY read it.

 

 

The question of longevity in regards to happiness is very relevant.

 

 

Explain that for me.

[uniqueone]

I was wondering if I could ask some questions for the smokers here that I'm curious about....

 

(OP if you'd rather I start a new thread, just let me know)

 

When you're in public, do you toss your cigarette on the ground when you're through with it? If not, what do you do with it?

 

When you're in your car, do you toss your cigarette butt out the window or do you use your car ashtray? (in other words, if you use your car ashtray, that means your car ashtray gets full of cigarette butts and you have to empty it)

 

If you have kids, do you smoke in front of your kids?

[The Loacker]

I toss my cigs on the ground when I'm outside. I don't smoke in my car, but when I'm in a friend's car I'll toss the cig out the window. I don't have kids (haha I'm not even close to that point in life), but I plan to quit smoking when I do have kids.

[IrishCarBomb]

Telling people that they shouldn't smoke is an attack? Wow.

 

And read your sentence again. Do you realize how ridiculous it sounds? I mean REALLY read it.

 

If you still don't think there's strategy here, you're blind. I could also say "Do YOU realize how ridiculous your posts sound?" but it accomplishes nothing. I am supposed to believe my statement is ridiculous just because you say so? You can't be serious.

 

And yes, you make an attack on smoking. It's not like Pearl Harbor was an attack, but it still was.

 

Explain that for me.

 

If you think my previous post was THAT ridiculous, I doubt you'd even care. It's clear you're set in your opinions and have no intention of really discussing anything. Why should I bother if you won't understand, care, or consider what I say?

[blind_otter]

Thing is, I tried quitting smoking once. And I succeeded. But you know what? I DID miss it. No joke, I actually got over the withdrawal symptoms (very mild in my case...just light headaches), but then when it was over I sort of felt like I wanted to smoke again. I enjoy doing it, so I do it. Absolutely no other reason.

 

That means you didn't really finish getting over the withdrawal symptoms. I quit in january of this year and still occassionally I crave a cigarette. Watching my father die of lung cancer is enough to keep me from "missing" something as repugnant as a cigarette.

 

Cigarettes killed my father and I will never forgive them.

[shenandoah]

I'm a smoker and i've just read this thread, and i can hardly believe it and my opinion is that if somebody liked me but had doubts due to the fact that i smoke, i'd write them off as pathetic and wouldn't want to go out with them anyway. If the fact that somebody smokes is the only thing that puts you off, yet you STILL think thats too much of a biggie, well on your head be it.

 

I've been out with smokers, non smokers, heath freaks, junk food addicts, drinkers, teetotals, it doesnt make much difference if you have a connection. I hate drugs, but i have two friends who are dope freaks- thats ok, thats their choice. they know how i feel. i'm a committed meat eater and my two best friends are veggie non smokers who drink- i hardly drink. I could chuck up at the smell of curry, but i dont go mad if friends have a vindaloo. Yet it doesnt get in the way of our friendship. it hardly matters if you have a connection. to write somebody off for a reason like that is just crazy.

[EYECANDY000]

i honestly doubt he would stop smoking, I would just ask him not to smoke around you. Smoke does linger on your clothes and hair.. but I think this is minor

[luvmy2ns]

I'm a smoker and i've just read this thread, and i can hardly believe it and my opinion is that if somebody liked me but had doubts due to the fact that i smoke, i'd write them off as pathetic and wouldn't want to go out with them anyway. If the fact that somebody smokes is the only thing that puts you off, yet you STILL think thats too much of a biggie, well on your head be it.

 

I've been out with smokers, non smokers, heath freaks, junk food addicts, drinkers, teetotals, it doesnt make much difference if you have a connection. I hate drugs, but i have two friends who are dope freaks- thats ok, thats their choice. they know how i feel. i'm a committed meat eater and my two best friends are veggie non smokers who drink- i hardly drink. I could chuck up at the smell of curry, but i dont go mad if friends have a vindaloo. Yet it doesnt get in the way of our friendship. it hardly matters if you have a connection. to write somebody off for a reason like that is just crazy.

 

I totally understand where you're coming from, but my dad died of congestive heart failure due, in part, from smoking. I wouldn't want to fall in love with someone and have them die on me early in life. I mean, "'til death do us part" doesn't need to be hastened along by one party or the other.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

I agree with shenandoah; I'm not even an active smoker, but I was really surprised at the narrow-mindedness of all the posters in their thread. To write someone off because they smoke seems incredibly superficial and silly, but oh well. Your loss I guess?

[huh]

I don't have anything against smokers, but I have asthma (grew up with 2 chain smokers, which probably had something to do with the asthma as only the other offspring of chain smokers have it in my family) so I just can't physically tolerate smoke well. I have to use an inhaler to keep breathing around smokers. So sorry my desire to breathe interferes with your desire to smoke. Sorry if I'm being overly obnoxious, but my mother will smoke around me even after seeing me being short of breath, then tell me I gross her out because I'm breathing through my mouth.

 

It is a deal breaker for me. If I'm going to be breathless, I want it for the right reasons But if a guy doesn't smoke around me, what he does on his own time is his business.

 

Oh & Shenadoah et al, you think non-smokers who don't want to date smokers are pathetic, try breathing with a plastic bag over your head so you can have the experience asthmatics have when inhaling 2nd hand smoke. If you're willing to date people who smother you with plastic bags, then I'll say you at least have the courage of your convictions.

[sumdude]

If smoking is a deal breaker... then it's a deal breaker. No need for validation.. right?

 

I smoke.

I know it greatly increases my chances of dying younger than if I didn't.

I am an addict.

Quitting smoking is as hard if not harder than quitting hard drugs. Still no excuse.

I know that at this point smokers have become social pariahs. It's almost like it's better to be a philanderer than a smoker.

The idea that smokers are somehow less trustworthy or less intelligent than non-smokers is not only hogwash but simple bigotry.

 

To those who have quit, I hail you and hope to join you one day. Hopefully with understanding and forbearance for those who cannot.

 

I work out and reap benefits from it regardless of smoking... with the knowledge that quitting would increase my health and life span even more.