Author adam11 Posted November 13, 2007 Author Posted November 13, 2007 Hello all. 2 new good things! Yesterday, I tired myself out with lots of exercise. I did some work for a romovals company and went to the gym streight after I finished. After the gym, I went for a two hour bike ride. I was so tired last night that I didnt have to drink to get to sleep! It was the first day I woke up without a hangover in months and it felt great!! Today, (after I write this post) I'm going to the gym again and then for more bike riding! I really want to keep it up, I'm promising myself that I wont drink 2nite!! working out is a great way to keep your mind occupied!! It's cheaper than my booz habbit and it is doing me good too!! Secondly, my coucelling starts friday!! weyheyy!! I'll let you know how the drinking is going! Chat to you guys soon!! keep strong!! grab that rusty old push bike from ya garage!! heehee. AD XX
MattyTee Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 That's awesome news! Well done and keep it up!
funkybassplayer Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 That's awesome news! Well done and keep it up! How are you doing Matty? been following your posts, and you seem to help lots of people in spite of your own ****. Like i did. Im very much moved on now and dating, but still come back to offer the odd bit of support if i can. But well done to you.
MattyTee Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 How are you doing Matty? been following your posts, and you seem to help lots of people in spite of your own ****. Like i did. Im very much moved on now and dating, but still come back to offer the odd bit of support if i can. But well done to you. Hey Funky, Thank you for asking. The honest answer is that I'm not really sure Things are definitely better and among other things I have Loveshack to thank for that. I'm really just trying to focus on myself now, it's actually quite exciting. I've started writing a lot and that helps tremendously. I have the odd wobble and crap day but it kinda feels like I'm going to be okay... I've never done the dating thing , never was my thing but I don't think I'm really ready yet anyhoo. Glad to hear things are well with you! Wow, how many times did I write thing there!
Author adam11 Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 SORRY TO bring badd news after everything was slowly movingg upwards.. i founfd out somthing earlier tha=at has destroyeed me. Forr mine andd lucys 5 yeaar anniversary we we're agoing to go to paris for 2 weeks. Becausse of our breaakup were obviouusly not going now blah blah.. But i found out frrom a frieend of a friendd thattt shes goingg to paris withh thiss new guyy for christmass. great!! ..........yeah.. We planned tghis trip for soo long and we had been talkin abnout it for a longgggggggggggggggggggggggg timee. IT WAs our placee. how could shee do that? dyu know what i meaan though?? I'm back a squaree one. I could=nt help myself i wentt and buoght lots of alcohol. hwen is tghis pain going to end?!? i'm gettin fed up with this. I tryedd doinmg some excersisee ealier, but ity didnt work, just made it worse becasussse it reminded me whyy i was doing the exercsisee. just when I thought i wass moving forwards. whaat do you guyys think i should do?
MattyTee Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Hey bro, I'm sorry to hear that Adam. The honest answer is there isn't anything you can do. As BHKS says we get ups and downs and this is just one of those times that you are going to be challenged and feel down. It's not a simple process, we don't just move forwards a little bit each day - it jumps and moves around. One of the worst things is hearing about what our ex is doing. I've managed to cut all contact and told my friends I'm not interested in hearing anything about her, that's the only way I can move forward. You might feel like you are back at step 1, but things will move quicker for you. Just keep doing the stuff you've been doing, so you fell down for a second - what are you going to do, stay down or get up and keep walking? I'm wishing you the best bro, I know you'll make it.
Author adam11 Posted November 15, 2007 Author Posted November 15, 2007 anywhere elsee thhhhho..?!?! i mean it would still bother me.. but why paris??!?!!?..... I feel like shes punishishing me for somethinjkng i havent donee.. WHY?!?! I'm at that satge of being drunk wheree my feelings about stuff is numb. I feel calm andd distant.. im ok at the moment anywayi'll be able to slepp 2nite. really not looijng forward to waking up 3moro tho I'll do my best to stay stong. but it really was a kick in the bollox. Cheers matt.
vivrantflo Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 Hey Adam, I just want to second Matt, and agree that the best thing for you to do, is to ask your friends not to tell you anything about your ex. What she does now, is none of your concern, at all. You don't want to know what she's doing. Other than that, you're doing AMAZING! Taking those steps of deleting her from your phone, MSN, and all that. It took me 3 months before I Was able to do that. You're treating yourself amazing now, and keep that up. I agree with an earlier post when they said that this isn't the last between you and your ex.. I personally believe she'll be back one day... but you've been doing well in keeping yourself busy, and kicking your drinking habit. You act well beyond your years man.. Keep it up, and I guarantee you'll be fine.. Take care
MattyTee Posted November 15, 2007 Posted November 15, 2007 It's okay Adam, We all get kicked where it hurts sometimes. It'll bruise and hurt for a while but it will get better. Who knows why she picked Paris, perhaps she is trying to get at you, perhaps not. Really, it doesn't make any difference - I know it feels like it does. If you can I would suggest telling your friends that you don't want to hear about what she's doing, it will make things a lot easier on you. You will pick up again, you did before and you will again. You found that inner strength and it's still there. Drink lots of water before going to sleep
Author adam11 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 omg, I feel so awful today. How is everyone else coping? x
snap226 Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Hey Adam. I feel your pain today as well. In fact the past two days have been unbearable. I hope this starts getting better for us soon. Thank God for this site. I feel like its agood place to vent our feelings out. Stay strong my friend...maybe tom. will be a little brighter.
Author adam11 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 Thank God for this site. I feel like its agood place to vent our feelings out. U know it!
PLAYBRAT Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Hiya Adam... From a woman's perspective.... I think your best bet right now is to really and TRULY disappear from your ex'es life. I am not saying don;t grieve over her...but the less she knows about you the better.You have to remember...you were a constant in her life. Your reaction to her breaking up with you is only serving to remind her that you are the SAME guy she left. As another poster said earlier....you need to face your loss as a "man". Can you cry?? SURE..Just not to her.She doesn't NEED to see your tears to know you care...but she DOES need to know you are not going to fall apart. All that will do is make her pity you. When I read a few posts back how good you were feeling...you weren't drinking, you were exercising, you had deleted her info....THAT is the guy she is going to come back to. Your entire emotional world has been turned upside down..and now you are forced to rebuild. You can do it...it will just take time. Believe me...your ex will realize the world is full of losers and users..and it is then that she will realize what she had with you.It is not up to you to remind her of that. I will also strongly suggest that IF she does contact you....that you not be readily available to her. Promise yourself you will stick to NC for 60-90 days...and in that time do your best to move forward and improve yourself. After that time is up...see where you are and how you feel... Having goals realy DOES help... Keep us posted....
4whatItsWorth Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Hi Adam, am so sorry to hear you're feeling so down - but who wouldn't! I did the same thing too, deleted my exes mail, msn etc...but too often I keep putting him back on...and it always just adds to the hurt. I hope you're stronger than I'll ever be on that part. I agree with everyone else, when you cry on the phone, us girls just get more convinced we don't want you back. You need to be that strong guy who works out, enjoys his life and who makes her think "I'd love to be that guy's girlfriend." (Congrats on that distinction btw!!) Aborting a baby is tough, I've never had to - but I am guessing being around you only reminded her of the baby and the loss. Perhaps she felt you were to blame for making her pregnant, or perhaps she felt pressure to abort the baby? Either way, you both need to be away from each other. She is trying to move on, and so should you. I know it seems like nobody could measure up to her right now...but I promise you, there are plenty of women out there who could. My fiancé is 1000 times better than my ex ever was...but I'd never thought so, or found that out, unless I had stopped seeing my ex. Best of luck! Also, if you feel like calling her - post here instead or call a friend!
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 omg, I feel so awful today. How is everyone else coping? x Hey Adam, been in your shoes, still trying to come out the other side so just wanted to let you know your not alone and if you need to vent or a shoulder. xxx
Author adam11 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 omg.... Everyday I'm getting lower and lower. Its getting closer to christmas and I cant stop thinking about that paris trip, its totally destroying me. I keep dreaming about her and my appertite is next to nothing again. I dont feel motivated to do anything. This really sucks.
iwanttolive Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 There will be emotional ups and downs, yeah? But I think you've passed the toughest part, so hang on, adam.. You know, problems are often not as big as you imagine them to be? Take a step back and list 5 things to be thankful about. Im thankful that I have a big warm fluffy quilt wrapped around me at night. You have all of us here on LS and we know, we understand..
iwanttolive Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 There will be emotional ups and downs, yeah? But I think you've passed the toughest part, so hang on, adam.. You know, problems are often not as big as you imagine them to be? Take a step back and list 5 things to be thankful about. Im thankful that I have a big warm fluffy quilt wrapped around me at night. You have all of us here on LS and we know, we understand..
Author adam11 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Its just everday is a reminder, on the way to work every morning I keep getting on the same bus as her, its killing me. I need to get a car.
Surfer Girl Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Someone once said to me... You don't know how this new relationship is going to turn out... And she was right... I kept thinking what does she have that I don't .... Low self esteem for me... In the end... I knew what we had was something special and something you don't find everyday... In the end he is so over her.... Yet, I endured... But for you right now whatever you say or do is not going to get you anywhere.... I did NC.... for a period of months knowing he was with her.... It made him miss me, it made him wonder what I was doing... It made him think about me more.... Tough Love.... If he did not want to be with me... I loved him enough to let him go.... I could not control him.... If he wanted to be with me he would... Maybe a somewhat unconditional love.... I have no doubt now he still loves and cares about me, because he was the first to contact me... It took months before this happened... Drunk dialing is very common and leaves us with regret... What did I do.... I did that with e-mail at one time and since now write in my drafts folder to get my feelings out.... Hugs
iwanttolive Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Im more pathetic... I'm a foreigner without my family here... when i was with him I stayed at his home and he would fetch me to work in his car. When he called it off, he told me to pack up and now im renting a small room and taking public transport to work. One fine day i fell really ill and was staggering and fainting towards d bus stop and his car happened to pass by and he stopped as watched me crossed the rd and how pathetic i was.
Author adam11 Posted December 11, 2007 Author Posted December 11, 2007 like a fu*king moron.. I got drunk and called her... I didnt speak with her for a coupla months and now I've just ruined the healing. I'm back at square one. I just want to live, I cant deal with this anymore.
Freddy Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Adam keep you head up! My girlfriend and I split up in June. I started to drink more in May because I sense something was wrong. I called her drunk when she was out of town at 1 and 2 am in the morning and it didn't make me look good. I told her I was driving home and when she came back home she let me have it. My drinking cause a lot of our fights and now it was pushing her away to some other guy. The week before we called it off, I was suppose to give her some space till Friday. I went and got drunk on Wed and then showed up to her place at 2am and she was not happy at all. That Friday we broke up. I thought the alcohol would make me feel better but it just pushed her away. So I drank almost everyday in June, July, August, September. I wasted a lot of money and it made me look even worst in her eyes. October I woke up and went 15 days with no alcohol. Now I only drink 1 day a week and has certainly helped with my sadness and depression. If you want any chance in the future with her then clean up your act. I can tell you that if I would of clean up 1 or 2 years ago, I probably still have a girlfriend .
femmdevil Posted December 11, 2007 Posted December 11, 2007 Hey: I don't want to send something that will be ardously long for you to read, but sometimes it helps to hear about other's handling their suffering. I was with my boyfriend and I thought we were in love. Then, in August my dad died in a bad accident and I never got to say goodbye. I got laid off without explanation. Haven't been able to find work in the competetive industry I went to school for. My mom and I fight. My purse got stolen. Then, the love of my life withdrew and soon dumped me after 8 months because he was overwelmed by my emotional ups and downs. I feel completely abandoned and shocked. It has only been 4 days, but with each day I feel a little, tiny, tiny bit better. Do yourself a favor: Promise yourself not to talk to her for at least a couple weeks. Get a journal and write everything down. Write every 5 minutes if you have to. Find a good therapist who not only listens, but gives you input. Go to a gym (the YMCA is good because it usually isn't a beauty contest/pick-up scene. Force yourself to take a weird class or two there, like Yoga, karate, cardio. Just get exercize in any way you can. See friends who don't mind hearing you pine, but who will also help distract you. Find a good cafe where you can write and be around people. Rent movies/TV series that you resonate with and can make you laugh, as well. I personally love Frasier. Don't drink and stuff- instead makee yourself feel better by doing something nurturing for yourself. You'll be okay whether you get back with her or not. It's normal that you want her back now, but only time and self-focus will tell what each of you ultimately want.
Author adam11 Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 Hello everyone, Hope everyones doing ok. Sorry to bring even MORE negative news but I thought as I havent posted on here in a long time I'd keep you updated as some of you asked. Well I've had no contact with her in a few months now. but tbh, thats made it 100 times worse. shes always on my mind, and because i'm not talking to her I'm always thinking about what shes doing.. she didnt even call or text on xmas day to wish me a merry christmas, that was a little bit of a bummer. I know its really pathetic to say what I'm in about to say but, I'm actually starting to hate my life, I dont enjoy anything anymore.. thats kinda stupid coz shes just a person .. we finished so long ago.. it just keeps getting worse.. I dunno what to do.
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