Author imstunned Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 WWWI, You are going to get sick and tired of my agreeing with you all the time. Stun, Yes, see a doctor pronto. Parhaps some mild anti - depressants will help you get over the hump. I know how it feels when things just add up and it all seems to much to bear. You'll be Ok!!! What happened to that date? I'm going to see the Dr am on Tuesday. I'm not leaving without mild anti-d'd and a referral for counselling. Hands up - I admit it - I'm a wreck. I need help. That date - well he has blown me out of the water too - asked for my number, got it, never called or texted, but is saying now he is busy with others monopolising his time. Clearly didnt like my not being available the first time he wanted to see me. I'm probably taking it all the wrong way, but it just feels like another rejection. Either that or I have a huge sign on my head saying a**holes welcome! I cant face this from men anymore. I'm steering well clear. And its such a same - becuase I JUST LOVE men!! x
Gwyneth Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I felt this way about my previous boyfriend who one day just stopped talking to me without any reasoning what so ever. I still have not heard from him since that last day we spoke, which was in June. I tried contacting him for days and weeks, but nothing. He's alive--that much I know. I was Really sick over this, and then suddenly I met the new guy who is, yes, a MM. Well, my focus on this guy helped me quickly get over the loser who ditched me like the plague. I'm not saying Move on to deal with your pain, but I am saying that there is Hope, and better things to look forward to. It's not the end of the world. I'm sorry you are going through this--I know it's hard. Talking to a therapist may help, but you need to be ready for that help.
minerva63 Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I Call Em: She's not mourning the loss of the man she had. She's mourning the loss of the man she thought she had. I understand it completely.
Gwyneth Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Of course! Don't we All mourn the guy/girl we thought we had, opposed to who they Really are?
frannie Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I'm going to see the Dr am on Tuesday. I'm not leaving without mild anti-d'd and a referral for counselling. Hands up - I admit it - I'm a wreck. I need help. That date - well he has blown me out of the water too - asked for my number, got it, never called or texted, but is saying now he is busy with others monopolising his time. Clearly didnt like my not being available the first time he wanted to see me. I'm probably taking it all the wrong way, but it just feels like another rejection. Either that or I have a huge sign on my head saying a**holes welcome! I cant face this from men anymore. I'm steering well clear. And its such a same - becuase I JUST LOVE men!! x imstunned it's great that you're looking for help, and you have a postive attitude to fixing your problems. That shines through. I think you'll do really great in therapy The thing with the other guy might 'feel like rejection' (and that never feels good), but. It may or may not be true that he couldn't take your not being available. Perhaps it isn't, and he's just busy. But look, you're examining what's happening here and looking for signs you would be wasting your time with him. I know I tend to over-analyse at times but I think when you habitually have unhelpful behavioural patterns (as I have done, still do in many areas), that's the only way out of them. So... I try to remain neutral about what is going on (don't make assumptions that he didn't want that date... he seemed keen at first), but do keep an eye out for becoming a doormat again (waiting for him to ring and then saying 'yes' in case he thinks I'm not interested). Or whatever. Yes, monitoring your feelings, and others motivations can be tiring, but it's better than just saying no more men because you can't cope with disappointment (or whatever). Anyway, I'm whaffling. Hope you're having a better day today.
frannie Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Of course! Don't we All mourn the guy/girl we thought we had, opposed to who they Really are? Well yes, there's always going to be a difference between who we think we're dealing with and who we are 'really' dealing with... ... but it's not every day that you find out the person you thought you were dealing with is a million miles from reality. Like telling you he's a single mountaineer... turns out he's married with kids. That's a huge shift in reality.
stillafool Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I'm stunned, don't feel like a wh--e. You aren't sick this MM is. You have to get angry at him again. IMO, this guy is a serial cheater. Anyone who does not use his real name, his friend who knows he's married doesn't bat an eye while he's kissing you is use to this kind of action from him, and the fact that he wasn't forthcoming about his being married. I'm sure if you told his W she would not be surprised and has been through this with him before. This is why he doesn't use his real name. You are worth more than what this guy gives and have to tell yourself this. You and your child deserve better. He is a horrible influence on your child.
minerva63 Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 frannie- that's exactly what i mean. she getting over the loss of this great single guy she thought she was dating, not this other guy with a completely different life. granted this great single guy doesn't exist, but certainly her feelings for him did (and do) and this i can speak from experience.
Gwyneth Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Well yes, there's always going to be a difference between who we think we're dealing with and who we are 'really' dealing with... ... but it's not every day that you find out the person you thought you were dealing with is a million miles from reality. Like telling you he's a single mountaineer... turns out he's married with kids. That's a huge shift in reality. I agree. He is very wrong, which is why she should Not feel like a whore. If you didn't know then that's your case--you didn't know. So please do not feel like a whore; you are innocent
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