fugategirl29 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 i been married for 11yrs and alot went on in our marriage and i met a man on the internet and i told my husband and we seperated well needless to say i met this man and he was very good to me and my kids we had talked and he even flew here to be with me and everything well he was here for a week and i dont know if i just got scared or what i told him i didnt know if it was gonna work out or not and he left on good terms and i have been tryin to work things out with my husband but i dont know what i want and i sure dont wanna hurt either of them what should i do and how do i know what i want this is makin me sick to the point of pukin cause iam so confused and torn please help .........i do love this other man but i love my husband too and i just dont know what to do
jmargel Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 You need to grow up and decide. You can't love two people, at least not enough to be devoted to one of them. You need to give us some history of your marriage in detail. Was there cheating on his part or abuse? Have you thought about counseling just for yourself?
Author fugategirl29 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 well everything was good in the marriage until a couple yrs after we were married and he listened alot to his family and went over my head with what we should have been deciding and his mother would have more say in things then i did and he did alot of lyin on his part which went on for yrs and yrs and i would just keep sayin u know this has to stop or iam just gonna walk off and i guess he never believed me and the guy who i had met was always just a friend to me nothing ever had went on and nothing ever mentioned until january of this yr and me and my husband seperated in april of this yr which i did tell him and i had not went out with this man until we were seperated and i know this sounds crazy .......but i think i do need counsiling which i had asked my husband at 1st before i took it any further with this man if he would go to counsling to and he said no i think we would be better off this way well .....things kinda got nasty with the seperation he took my car and me with our 2 kids didnt pay for it and turned it back in which the car was in his name not mine and he gave me child support for about 2 months then he just stopped giving me money for them and would say he wasnt workin but that he was tryin and if it hadnt been for this other man i dont know what would of happened cause he helped me even tho i never asked him to do anything ......iam just confused about what i feel and what i should do ........iam just tryin to let time sort it out
Author fugategirl29 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 as far as him cheating i dont know about that but there was a girl who called the house at 4am for him one time which he swears he didnt know who she was and i could never find out and as far as abuse he never hit me but at times when we would fight over his lyin he would say u wont leave u cant make it without me i dont really consider that abuse tho
jmargel Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Well if he is refusing to get counseling with you then my suggestion would be to end the marriage. Things will not change unless something like counseling takes place. Words are just words, what you need is action on his part. Him not wanting to provide for his family, his lying, his disrespect will only continue to get worse. It is fine to have other people in your life but you can't use them as a crutch. I hope you take your own situation in your OWN hands and also provide for your children. Goto domestic relations and get the child support started, if you are not working or not in school contact your county assistance office which will lead you in the right direction. My wife works at this type of organization and they will pay for your schooling and help you out with bills, etc..
Author fugategirl29 Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 iam workin and have been providing for my children and i wasnt leaning on this other man as a crutch i have feelings for him and i am tryin to make my marriage work .......i dont know i guess maybe my husband wasnt helpin me was because he was pissed at me which was no excuse and i know that but he says he wants to change and if he dont then we wont make it cause i wont live like i did ....iam just confused as what i want right now but i feel like i owe it to my kids and him to try at least but i still have these feelings for this other man which i havent been talkin to or seeing since we talked about working things out thanks tho for listening
sedgwick Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Hey there...would you be wiling to use punctuation in your posts? It's really hard to read when there are no periods at the ends of sentences!
jmargel Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 iam workin and have been providing for my children and i wasnt leaning on this other man as a crutch i have feelings for him and i am tryin to make my marriage work .......i dont know i guess maybe my husband wasnt helpin me was because he was pissed at me which was no excuse and i know that but he says he wants to change and if he dont then we wont make it cause i wont live like i did ....iam just confused as what i want right now but i feel like i owe it to my kids and him to try at least but i still have these feelings for this other man which i havent been talkin to or seeing since we talked about working things out thanks tho for listening Like I said if your husband wants to change then you both need to goto marriage counseling. If he's not willing to then I don't see how it's going to work in the long term. Also having two men in a relationship won't work. Don't stay in a marriage because of the kids or because you feel it's your duty to. If you don't love your husband then it's time to move on.
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