abeliever Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 No worries WF just wanted you to be careful. Sometimes when people bring up these things it can be taken the wrong way. I do value your opinion also. (see I am growing) I find myself not blaming OW anymore I always blamed my H for his weakness (what I think it is) and reading threads on OW/OM has taught me a lot. So thanks. I am glad also that I had the support from my friends parents, mine at the time was out of control. That was the only normal life I had back then. But looking back I wouldn't change anything from my messed up childhood. I've even forgave my mother years ago. She did what she had to do to survive, I personally wouldn't have done it that way. But hey, it was her life and now I have mine. I turned out ok. I am proud of myself and I am learning to value myself more and more each day. Since coming here I can tell you I have grown in my personal opinions which I never expected and I am more tolerant of others views. So with that thanks to all of you. I still have a way to go, in totally forgiving my soon to be ex but its coming along. The hate I felt before has really subsided, thank goodness. If he finds happiness after our divorce, I will congratulate him with a smile. Because I did once love him I will only wish him the best in his life to come. Its been a pleasure meeting you all. I hope to continue to help others also even when I am stubborn. (ouch I feel that knife in my back) Ha! abeliever
White Flower Posted November 13, 2007 Posted November 13, 2007 No worries WF just wanted you to be careful. Sometimes when people bring up these things it can be taken the wrong way. I do value your opinion also. (see I am growing) I find myself not blaming OW anymore I always blamed my H for his weakness (what I think it is) and reading threads on OW/OM has taught me a lot. So thanks. I am glad also that I had the support from my friends parents, mine at the time was out of control. That was the only normal life I had back then. But looking back I wouldn't change anything from my messed up childhood. I've even forgave my mother years ago. She did what she had to do to survive, I personally wouldn't have done it that way. But hey, it was her life and now I have mine. I turned out ok. I am proud of myself and I am learning to value myself more and more each day. Since coming here I can tell you I have grown in my personal opinions which I never expected and I am more tolerant of others views. So with that thanks to all of you. I still have a way to go, in totally forgiving my soon to be ex but its coming along. The hate I felt before has really subsided, thank goodness. If he finds happiness after our divorce, I will congratulate him with a smile. Because I did once love him I will only wish him the best in his life to come. Its been a pleasure meeting you all. I hope to continue to help others also even when I am stubborn. (ouch I feel that knife in my back) Ha! abeliever Hi abeliever, It is really great when people can explain themselves more fully. I feel I understand you better and now I have a deeper respect for you. I don't feel as if you are the kind of poster who follows others around for the thrill of a verbal attack. You are clearly not the obvious and mindless type who gets off on it. I hope to hear from DazednConfused66 soon for an update on his neighbors. I hope the kids are OK. I also hope they learn like you did, abeliever, to overcome the challenge and be better people for it:)
NoIDidn't Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Am I the only one thinking that this woman has a penchant for picking MM with really vulnerable wives? One of the MM's wive's committed suicide? This one is starting a letter writing campaign?!! Forgive me, but the only thing this woman did wrong in my eyes, was breaking a federal law by putting the letters into the neighborhood mail boxes. Unstable? Yes. Unforgivable? No. Why is everyone comdemning a woman in pain. It isn't like its something she does or did everyday. She had every right to do it, just as much as her H and this OW decided to sleep with each other. I am always amazed at the people who think that we should always act with the utmost of dignity when it isn't always possible. But I digress. Is anyone doing anything for the betrayed spouse's kids? Its great to look out for the kids from "that house", but is anyone concerned about the kids that just found out that their dad has been cheating on their mother? That is, if they have kids.
Author DazedandConfused66 Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 abeliever: Thanks. You give me inspiration that doing the right thing really can and does matter. It's a bit like seeing the guy on the corner who asks for money. I'm sure that there are many professional panhandlers out there. But I'm equally sure there are people who are just in dire straits. I've learned to give to all of them equally and figure...let god sort out those who didn't deserve it. It's just pocket change...not like my judgement matters relative to the possible help it could offer someone else. WF: Not a whole heckuva lot to report really. Things are quieter down the street these days, they seem back to their old pattern. Both parents aren't home at the same time. From what the H told me, it's not like they have a clearly explicit "open marriage" or anything formal. They just hate each other emotionally and sexually...so they agreed to stay together to give the kids a house to grow up in and then when the youngest goes away to college, they plan on divorcing. I wouldn't give either of them a lot of credit for being "trailblazers" here....they obviously haven't managed their non-traditional marriage very well. They just decided to pursue other relationships and were supposed to keep things off the radar of public view. So much for that plan. I have noticed that she (the W or OW in this case) is home more often than she used to be....I guess losing her lover has grounded her for a bit. The OM in this scenario is a very public figure and I've seen him around town a couple times since....without his family in tow. So I'm kinda clueless what's happening on their side. NoIDidnt: A past affair/relationship/whatever that the neighbor W had with a MM ended in the MM committing suicide...not the MM's BS/wife. (How do you guys keep up with all these acronyms? It's worse than a technology trade publication!) And I've not heard, nor asked for, the details of that affair...just know it was the referenced "not again daddy" comment from their youngest daughter. And as for the BS/MM's family in the most current situation...I've no idea how those kids are faring. They have several children...four I think, not sure. They aren't my neighbors...live on other side of town actually. But I understand your point....just not sure how I would go about helping them if I don't even know them.
Trialbyfire Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 Am I the only one thinking that this woman has a penchant for picking MM with really vulnerable wives? One of the MM's wive's committed suicide? This one is starting a letter writing campaign?!! Forgive me, but the only thing this woman did wrong in my eyes, was breaking a federal law by putting the letters into the neighborhood mail boxes. Unstable? Yes. Unforgivable? No. Why is everyone comdemning a woman in pain. It isn't like its something she does or did everyday. She had every right to do it, just as much as her H and this OW decided to sleep with each other. I am always amazed at the people who think that we should always act with the utmost of dignity when it isn't always possible. But I digress. Is anyone doing anything for the betrayed spouse's kids? Its great to look out for the kids from "that house", but is anyone concerned about the kids that just found out that their dad has been cheating on their mother? That is, if they have kids. I agree with you NID. While I disagree that the children should be involved, I can certainly understand and relate to her pain. Affairs thrive in secrecy and no one ever learns anything, if it's kept in secret. If an affair gets blown wide open, there's less possibility that another will happen. I see no need to protect any participant of an affair. Reap what you sow.
NoIDidn't Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 NoIDidnt: A past affair/relationship/whatever that the neighbor W had with a MM ended in the MM committing suicide...not the MM's BS/wife. (How do you guys keep up with all these acronyms? It's worse than a technology trade publication!) And I've not heard, nor asked for, the details of that affair...just know it was the referenced "not again daddy" comment from their youngest daughter. And as for the BS/MM's family in the most current situation...I've no idea how those kids are faring. They have several children...four I think, not sure. They aren't my neighbors...live on other side of town actually. But I understand your point....just not sure how I would go about helping them if I don't even know them. No worries, I was mostly just "thinking out loud". It doesn't sound like you know the betrayed and her family. Thanks for the clarification. I thought you said the MM's W committed suicide. I would do something very similar to you, but I would be hoping for the best for the family of the betrayed and not condemning her for what she did. If anyone had the chance to ask her, she'd probably say she wouldn't do it if she had the chance to do it all again. Plus, when a letter like that goes out, its usually because the betrayed had a relationship with the OP as well and feels doubly betrayed. I just find it funny that most posts are condemning this poor, hurting woman. I agree she shouldn't have addressed anything to the WW's child, but that's water under the bridge. The bigger issue here is these poor excuses for parents. I hope they re-evaluate their M and prioritize their kids for a change. I can't say that I agree with the outward assessment of the couples older kids. Most people with emotional issues look totally normal until you end up in an intimate R with them. They may never repeat the dysfunction modelled for them by their parents, but they do bear some scars that will come out as insecurities and abandonment issues in other Rs. Just my two cents, though.
White Flower Posted November 14, 2007 Posted November 14, 2007 I must agree with NID as well. When my H was involved in an EA I wanted to lash out too, but something held me back. I suppose you can call it dignity, yet, I do not blame the W in this case because we are all different. And I was really concerned about what my kids had to endure if I did lash out. But my H was not a public figure nor was he a serial cheater. Maybe these are issues that the W in this case is dealing with and was at her wits end? Who knows. I do feel for her as well as for her kids. DandC66, I hope that your neighbor is not only grounded by the MM leaving, but also by her kids who need her. She probably hates herself right now that they were affected. Thanks for the update.
Author DazedandConfused66 Posted November 14, 2007 Author Posted November 14, 2007 DandC66, I hope that your neighbor is not only grounded by the MM leaving, but also by her kids who need her. She probably hates herself right now that they were affected. Thanks for the update. I'd like to believe that also. But given that she's spent the last week or so inside her house (hasn't even gone to work recently), I'm not so sure. My wife called down there and she said she sounded like she'd been drinking. The daughter says that mom is "really tired" right now. Depression it sounds like.
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