Hell hath no fury....

[Scrivdog]

I would "ask your wife's advice" about what you should do next and leave it up to her -

 

this will assist in getting you out of your predictament with her.

 

and then stay the f*ck out of it.

[marlena]

I'm not gonna lie about it, if some OW messed with my life, I might not commit it to writing and I surely wouldn't make a point of involving children, but said OW wouldn't be able to buy a cup of coffee at the local 7-11 without the clerk snickering behind her hands at her. If you get in somebody else's business, it's just good policy to be prepared to have them in yours.

 

 

LJ,

I am great admirer of yours but I beg to differ! If this were the case, then we should all go back to the Scarlet Letter days when an adulteress was paraded around town with a big A on her busom! To me, this type of thinking is too primitive and not at all conducive to understanding of the human condition. Reducing human frailities to common gossip is a recession to medieval times.

 

A BS who respects herself will not resort to these cheap tactics, although I fully understand what you mean about human emotions and how uncontrollable they can become. Still, if we want to consider ourselves as being above the animal kingdom, a civilised race of people, we will do all that we can to curb our primal instincts.

 

This woman, if she had any quality, would have confronted her husband and then herself. She would have either in a dignified way either tried to resolve her problems with him or just have filed for a divorce. Stalking, intimidating or being just plain vindictive, disregardless of children, is not something that any woman/person with a shred of education would do.

[whichwayisup]

but the younger one took one look at her dad and started crying saying "Not again Daddy, you promised." I don't know what that means, but it was enough to break my heart

 

This made me tear up. So sad. And with that being said, they're lucky to have you and your wife as neighbours to take in their kid(s) during this rough time. That's what good neighbours do, help eachother out.

 

One thing to just be aware of, if other neighbours see their kids in and out of your house, they more than likely WILL want to gossip with you and your wife, ask questions, want to know what you both know, so don't get sucked into that, don't tell anyone anything.

[marlena]

One thing to just be aware of, if other neighbours see their kids in and out of your house, they more than likely WILL want to gossip with you and your wife, ask questions, want to know what you both know, so don't get sucked into that, don't tell anyone anything.

 

Except maybe to mind their own damn business!!!

[Ladyjane14]

I'm just being honest, Marlena. If push comes to shove, the OW wouldn't get away unscathed if it were me. I would be out to hurt her.

 

Now, I'm not saying it would be representative of my finest moment, or that I wouldn't rein it in enough to keep myself out of jail... but I know myself well enough to know that I'd be reactive.

 

These are very primitive emotions we're talking about. I remember my hands literally shaking with anticipation at the mere thought of taking a ball bat to the OW's big, buck teeth a few years ago. And... we're talking EA here, not PA. So yeah.. I've got a bit of a temper. I've learned to control it over the years, but there are some things that can shake the resolve of just about anybody. This is my point... right or wrong, it's possible to push people too far, to the point where they become reactive.

 

As far as 'returning to the days of the Scarlet A'... I don't foresee that ever happening. But then again, here in the west, we don't have arranged or forced marriages. People don't HAVE to cheat. They can divorce with ease. So, marriage isn't a business arrangement that infringes on our ability to find true love. The impetus for adultery just isn't there the way it was when women were bartered as chattel into loveless marriages.

 

In those days, yeah... the "Scarlet Letter" might have been unfair. But these days, I think social condemnation is just another possible consequence of an otherwise unnecessary action. It's a risk you take when you cheat.

 

Personally, I do believe that with the onset of AIDS, we need better divorce/family law. There needs to be some kind of accountability in place so that a betrayed spouse doesn't feel the NEED to mete out his/her own brand of justice. It's unfair for a cheating partner to risk his/her partner's life and health with no recourse to the injured party. It's exactly the sort of thing which leads to this kind of frustrated vigilantism.

[luvmy2ns]

That woman (the OW) was free to f whoever she pleased, yet she chose a married man whose wife does not subscribe to her and her husband's way of thinking. Dumb b--ch. What the f did she think would happen? Why couldn't she have chosen someone who didn't have another party involved who could be hurt and thus want to lash out? And though she should not have involved the kids, I totally agree on that, the OW deserves any backlash SHE gets out of this. Again, dumb b--ch.

[White Flower]

I would "ask your wife's advice" about what you should do next and leave it up to her -

 

this will assist in getting you out of your predictament with her.

 

and then stay the f*ck out of it.

Hey Scriv,

 

Are you writing this to the OP? Do you think he didn't handle the situation well?

 

And Dazed,

You might want to let the couple next door know about www.lifestylelounge.com. If they want to keep up their lifestyle, they should participate with others who are also into it. LJ was right about that with regard to the BW, even though she can be black and white on other points.

[Lizzie60]

Wow!

 

I just came home from the office early today to check in on my wife. I grabbed the mail and on top of the stack was a folded piece of colored paper. Thinking it was one of those lawn care junk mail things, I just threw it into the recycling bin. My wife is ALWAYS upset with me when I pitch stuff without reading it so she grabs it back out of the hopper.

 

The note was a letter written by an obviously angry betrayed wife regarding a neighbor of ours. Allegedly, this neighbor of ours was having an affair with this womans' husband. The letter makes all kinds of accusations with lurid details and basically is just a full page rant of finger pointing towards our neighbor. Now, she's married and they have 3 kids. I play golf with her husband on occasion, they have a rather strained relationship, always seemed a bit "permissive" with one another to me. They take seperate vacations, one is never home when the other is, etc. None of my beeswax, they are civil to one another and active in the community, just not really giving off the appearance that they were happily married.

 

Now I'm in a bit of a quandry. We've read this letter and have heard all these one-sided accusations. It's none of our business but, obviously, this betrayed wife wants to make it our business. The thing is....there are kids involved here. My kids and theirs are buds and play together. We've had their daughter over for slumber parties countless of times. If we got this letter, I'm betting half the neighborhood did as well. While I don't condone any of the alleged behaviors...it's just gossip and hearsay right now. But I somewhat feel I owe this to her and her husband to let them know that this kind of material is being distributed. The affair may or may not be a surprise to him (the husband), but the distribution of this letter certainly WILL be. I'm the only one home right now...my wife is one of the few SAHM's here in the neighborhood. So I've got this information likely before anyone else.

 

If you were me....would you just ignore this or would you call them (maybe her since it was written about and obviously to hurt her) and let them know about the existence of it? Their kids will be home in a few hours....I'd hate for them to grab the mail and get this themselves.

 

I kind of have my mind made up just in the time it took to write this. But cheaters beware.....things can get quite ugly once the affair is exposed.

 

I think this is soooo crass... anyone can write notes like that or even 'posts' about this on a public place.. but it is soooo wrong.... especially for the kids involved. I would take that s of a b*tch to court... or at least send her a formal letter from a lawyer.. She has no rights to do what she did.... what if she was wrong ... and even if she was right... she is just as bad, if not worst than her cheating husband.

[marlena]

Now, I'm not saying it would be representative of my finest moment, or that I wouldn't rein it in enough to keep myself out of jail... but I know myself well enough to know that I'd be reactive.

 

 

The fact that you acknowledge that it wouldn't be your finest moment says it all. Yes, when push comes to shove, we are, in the fianl analysis, human beings and as such are not impervious to the baser elements that may surface and take over our more logical proclivities.

 

I too was a BS and believe you me, I too wanted wanted to take a ball bat not to her buck teeth but her big arse. But then I realized the bigger arse was my husband of fifteen long years and father to my child. So instead, realizing he and I were not compatible, I divorced his arse the very next day!

 

 

This is my point... right or wrong, it's possible to push people too far, to the point where they become reactive

 

Agreed. Anybody can go off the bend. It is human. In time, we learn to control our baser impulses and heed more to our intellect. When I was younger, sure as hell, I had more fiery temper. With time, I learned to "temper" my temper and let the finer qualities in myself surface. It made me a better and more undersatnding person.

 

 

As far as 'returning to the days of the Scarlet A'... I don't foresee that ever happening. But then again, here in the west, we don't have arranged or forced marriages

 

If I'm not mistaken, this is a novel by Hawthorne and it describes events that took place in the Massachusetts (my home town) in the middle of the 19th century. She refused to name the father of her child which I think demonstrates her moral fibre.

 

 

But these days, I think social condemnation is just another possible consequence of an otherwise unnecessary action. It's a risk you take when you cheat.

 

 

This is exactly what I am speaking out against. To revert to those morally "upright" times, is tantamount to hypocrisy.

 

Anyone, I think, could one day find himself in a situation similar to that of the protaganist. It only takes a set of unfortunate circumstances. In my opinion, no one is up above and beyond this as Somerset Maughm describes "the human predicament" .

[sally4sara]

That woman (the OW) was free to f whoever she pleased, yet she chose a married man whose wife does not subscribe to her and her husband's way of thinking. Dumb b--ch. What the f did she think would happen? Why couldn't she have chosen someone who didn't have another party involved who could be hurt and thus want to lash out? And though she should not have involved the kids, I totally agree on that, the OW deserves any backlash SHE gets out of this. Again, dumb b--ch.

 

Too right! If her and her spouse agree to dabble outside of their vows......whatever works for them. But it isn't a common set-up and getting involved with someone else who has vows is really irresponsible. Maybe their agreement also included no one who would want more from them or expect them to leave their marriage and she figured another married person would be less likely to want more.

I guess they will be redefining the limits of who to seek out however too late.

[Ladyjane14]

In my opinion, no one is up above and beyond this as Somerset Maughm describes "the human predicament" .

 

As you and I both know though... the insensate rage of the betrayed is also quite a "predicament". Both behaviors are thus human, and in a perfect world neither would exist. But doesn't it stand to reason that if we reject antagonistic behavior, such as sh*tting up someone else's marital bed... then we'd be eliminating the reactive rage that follows it?

 

People are 100% responsible for their own actions. The married cheater's actions are separate from his/her accomplice's. And both elicit risk for reprisals.

[marlena]

As you and I both know though... the insensate rage of the betrayed is also quite a "predicament". Both behaviors are thus human, and in a perfect world neither would exist.

 

Agreed! Rage is a violent emotion that can send ANYONE over the deep end. It is not an emotion exclusive to only one party involved. Anybody can feel enraged regardless of marital status.

 

But doesn't it stand to reason that if we reject antagonistic behavior, such as sh*tting up someone else's marital bed... then we'd be eliminating the reactive rage that follows it?

 

 

Ah, but my sweet Lady Jane (beautiful song) it is not, for the most part, a question of deliberate and malicious intent but rather, as I see it, a succumbing to our imperfect human nature! I do not think that the majority of women who get involved with a married man are deliberately out to become homebreakers due to an antagonistic impulse (unless they know the wife and hate her guts and want to willfully hurt her). Rather, I am inclined to view the majority of them as victims of their own vulnerabilities, weaknesses and yes, even, foolish ignorance. Most don't have a clue what they are getting themselves into.

 

Personally, having been on both sides of the fence, I strive to keep an open frame of mind regarding the inherent aptitude for all human beings to err. This refrains me from being morally judgemental. Instead, I strive to understand what motivates human behavior and in so doing feel empathy for all. Even a murderer has his tale to tell.

[JustBreathe]

These are the things you risk when you screw somebody's husband. At some point, a cheater thinks about their spouse and what it might do to their marriage, and they do it anyway. Adultery isn't an accident. It takes alot of covering up and planning to execute an affair. They proceed with their affair knowing the possible consequences of their actions, intent on only their serving their own selves. In the process, they often wind up hurting many people besides their spouse, extended family, even their own children. This is the risk they willingly choose to take. Sometimes it backfires in a big way.

 

I understand her motivation, but it isn't something I would do or alot of other people would do. Actually, I feel a little sorry for her because I remember how much I wanted to do the same kind of thing. She acted rashly and stupidly. She will regret it.

[Lizzie60]

These are the things you risk when you screw somebody's husband. At some point, a cheater thinks about their spouse and what it might do to their marriage, and they do it anyway. Adultery isn't an accident. It takes alot of covering up and planning to execute an affair. They proceed with their affair knowing the possible consequences of their actions, intent on only their serving their own selves. In the process, they often wind up hurting many people besides their spouse, extended family, even their own children. This is the risk they willingly choose to take. Sometimes it backfires in a big way.

 

I understand her motivation, but it isn't something I would do or alot of other people would do. Actually, I feel a little sorry for her because I remember how much I wanted to do the same kind of thing. She acted rashly and stupidly. She will regret it.

 

This reminded me of the MM I saw 2 days ago... this guy constantly talk while we have sex.. and this week for the first time he said: 'I feel sooo guilty being here with you but I just can't stop... I love this soooo much.'

 

Sex outside the M... could be soo addictive that even if they know it's wrong and deep inside they wish they would stop.. they just don't. They are constantly fighting this guilt...

 

It is sad that some people do not think straight when they get hurt.

[luvmy2ns]

This is exactly what I am speaking out against. To revert to those morally "upright" times, is tantamount to hypocrisy.

 

Anyone, I think, could one day find himself in a situation similar to that of the protaganist. It only takes a set of unfortunate circumstances. In my opinion, no one is up above and beyond this as Somerset Maughm describes "the human predicament" .

 

Morals? I don't think anyone said anything about the morality involved in a woman seeking sex with a married person. It's about being a part of hurting the innocent party and not giving a flying rat's ass. My honey knows a woman who is in an "open marriage," and she goes about constantly bragging how beautiful she is and she can get any guy. I'm sure she f's the married ones mostly because they're not likely to follow her about like a puppydog afterwards lest they get in trouble. My man finds her behavior quite disgusting, and not because of the "open marriage" thing. That's completely between her and her husband. Nor is it about the numbers of men she sleeps with. It's her predating on people's marriages that he finds reprehensible, as well as her "I'm so wonderful" attitude. As for "unfortunate circumstances," it's not like this woman fell into a well, for cryin' in the rain. She was f'ing a married man! She knew exactly what she was doing. On the other hand, the BS is blindsided in most cases and is working from a very emotional state of mind, as, I suspect, was this BS.

[marlena]

LOvemy 2ns,

 

Sorry I meant to encase the word morals in quotes. "morals".

[DazedandConfused66]

Interesting posts....I'm not sure where I would fall if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak. But I believe that the BS's actions were pretty heinous....although justifiably hurt and angry, she owns HER actions just like the (alleged) OW owned HER own actions. Really, I don't see either party as behaving like an adult here. The OW (my neighbor) allegedly screwed around with a married family man. That was immature on her part and showed little concern for the welfare of his family. The BS then lashed out in a destructive frenzy to try and retaliate. The OM here, the husband of the BS, also owns a big part of this and I've no idea where things sit with him right now...as I mentioned, he's a fairly prominent man in the community.

 

I don't condone cheating of any kind in a marriage. I think it ultimately is a sign of someone who wants to take the easier route of feeling good for selfish reasons rather than take the more difficult and challenging route of trying to fix the problems in the current Marriage. And this is coming from a man who has been tempted to cheat before in my life...and caught myself behaving selfishly and did what I believe was the right thing. So I know all too well how easy and tempting it can be to rationalize infidelity as "necessary" or "socially acceptable."

 

But what we have now are the consequences of SEVERAL individuals' actions and they are very public and very hurtful to completely innocent bystanders. And that, ladies and gents, just ain't right. No way to get around it. Mom screwed another man and in the process screwed her kids. BS lashed out at the OW and in the process screwed HER kids out of a sense of pride.

 

WhiteFlower: I really don't know if they are 'swingers.' All the H told me was they had an arrangement. My wife seemed to believe the 'arrangement' was that they would maintain a 'marriage front,' but were free to see other people independently and as long as things remained off the radar. Honestly....I don't WANT to know anything else. The "not again" comment from their youngest was that Mom apparently has a thing for married men and this happened a few years ago as well with yet another angry BS.

 

Which leads me to my final point. My wife knows more about this than she's ever told me before. I'm proud of her for knowing this kind of gossip and never actively involving herself in it. As one of the few SAHM's in the neighborhood, she's hears and see's a lot. But she doesn't talk about it with me or anyone else as it's not her style to spread or contribute to gossip. She has wonderful values...but in this case, she told me a bit more as the last thing I want to worry about is some crazed BS coming over and shooting up the neighborhood.

 

And LJ you are right....looking at the evening news, this could have been MUCH worse. I wish it didn't happen at all, but could have been worse.

[Cobra_X30]

And LJ you are right....looking at the evening news, this could have been MUCH worse. I wish it didn't happen at all, but could have been worse.

 

Dazed, this is tough advice to give, but keep your kids away from thier kids for a while!

 

Serious... protect your own first.

[sally4sara]

The "not again" comment from their youngest was that Mom apparently has a thing for married men and this happened a few years ago as well with yet another angry BS.

 

 

Actually, it sounds to me like the husband has cheated in the past and the daughter became aware of it. I interpret it this was because the daughter said "not again...dad YOU PROMISED"

 

How is he expected to promise something he can't control such as his wife's actions? He could only promise to check his own actions. If her comment was in reference to her mother's past actions, I would think she would say "not again....SHE PROMISED"

[sally4sara]

Dazed, this is tough advice to give, but keep your kids away from thier kids for a while!

 

Serious... protect your own first.

 

Yeah, because they really need to feel shunned by EVERYONE right now.

[Ladyjane14]

My wife seemed to believe the 'arrangement' was that they would maintain a 'marriage front,' but were free to see other people independently and as long as things remained off the radar.

 

That's a pretty crappy plan if you ask me.

The kids are observing a faulty marriage model in that case, because their parent's coping mechanism is to seek outside the marriage rather than resolve problems within it. And all that would be okay, I think, if they were owning it, so the kids go into their own marriages understanding that they don't have a "traditional" base to rely on.

 

I don't understand WHY it's such a hardship for people to be honest with their children. If traditional marriage isn't your thing, why lie and say it is?

Isn't it better to admit that you don't really care about having a monogamous relationship, rather than let the kids catch you "cheating"? Isn't it better to let your kids seek out information on a more traditional arrangement rather than enter into one believing erroneously that they already know what it looks like? Shouldn't they have a CHOICE to model the marriage they actually observed and not enter into a traditional one at all?

 

All these folks who believe they're pulling the wool over their children's eyes are only fooling themselves anyway. Kids aren't stupid. I mean seriously, how many adults do you know who were totally clueless of what was going on in their home as a child.

They see us warts and all. But if we're problem-solving within the home, if we're honest people... they see that too.

 

Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't keep the information that we pass to children age-appropriate, we should. But let's not allow them to be completely blind-sided. That little girl's devastation, "Not again, Daddy", would have been prevented if she knew that her parent's marriage was a non-traditional one. (Although I don't know HOW they'd explain her mother's involvement in somebody else's marriage. )

 

Adultery isn't an accident, I agree with JustBreathe on that. This cheating mom's actions, her interference in the betrayed wife's family, ended up having direct consequences for own. And while I find Marlena's POV that there isn't malicious intent on the part of the OW/OM to be likely, still... there IS deliberation of action. In this respect, the cheating mom threw the first punch, and she's lucky, IMO, that the fallout wasn't worse than what it was.

[Curmudgeon]

LJ,

I am great admirer of yours but I beg to differ! If this were the case, then we should all go back to the Scarlet Letter days when an adulteress was paraded around town with a big A on her busom! To me, this type of thinking is too primitive and not at all conducive to understanding of the human condition. Reducing human frailities to common gossip is a recession to medieval times.

 

A BS who respects herself will not resort to these cheap tactics, although I fully understand what you mean about human emotions and how uncontrollable they can become. Still, if we want to consider ourselves as being above the animal kingdom, a civilised race of people, we will do all that we can to curb our primal instincts.

 

This woman, if she had any quality, would have confronted her husband and then herself. She would have either in a dignified way either tried to resolve her problems with him or just have filed for a divorce. Stalking, intimidating or being just plain vindictive, disregardless of children, is not something that any woman/person with a shred of education would do.

 

Since when does "understanding of the human condition," whatever that is, encompass turning a blind eye to immoral, thoughtless, selfish and self-serving behavior? If everyone did that we'd not have a society at all.

 

Granted, the betrayed spouse took it a bit too far but her motives seem very "human" to me.

 

Educated or not, ANY human being can react swiftly and aggressively out of hurt, anger, pain, betrayal, challenge, danger, etc., and most will. Remember, we ARE members of the animal kingdom in the final analysis. As a former combat soldier and former cop I can tell you that it's those primal instincts that can often mean the difference between life and death, sometimes your own.

[White Flower]

That's a pretty crappy plan if you ask me.

The kids are observing a faulty marriage model in that case, because their parent's coping mechanism is to seek outside the marriage rather than resolve problems within it. And all that would be okay, I think, if they were owning it, so the kids go into their own marriages understanding that they don't have a "traditional" base to rely on.

Why do you think their plan is "crappy and faulty"? Who said by seeking outside the marriage that they were "coping"? And look at the "traditional" base today: with a 50% divorce rate in the US (60% in CA), traditional marriages are themselves proven to be faulty. People such as this couple are creating a new tradition that must iron out its wrinkles. They know what they see in their future, yet the rest of society has not caught up yet; hence the BW in this case.

 

It wasn't traditional either when we hid slaves during the Civil War. But eventually slavery ended and we opened our minds to a new truth. I'm not saying there is a huge movement that is going to change our society very soon, but I feel as if your posts were coming straight from the mid-seventeen hundreds.

 

I don't understand WHY it's such a hardship for people to be honest with their children. If traditional marriage isn't your thing, why lie and say it is?

Do we really know what their children were told?

Isn't it better to admit that you don't really care about having a monogamous relationship, rather than let the kids catch you "cheating"? Isn't it better to let your kids seek out information on a more traditional arrangement rather than enter into one believing erroneously that they already know what it looks like? Shouldn't they have a CHOICE to model the marriage they actually observed and not enter into a traditional one at all?

Not sure what your point is here.

All these folks who believe they're pulling the wool over their children's eyes are only fooling themselves anyway. Kids aren't stupid. I mean seriously, how many adults do you know who were totally clueless of what was going on in their home as a child.

They see us warts and all. But if we're problem-solving within the home, if we're honest people... they see that too.

They did problem-solve in the home and they were honest about it. She just chose the wrong partner this time. I'm sure she has learned a very important lesson here, but not the kind you suggest.

 

Now, I'm not saying that we shouldn't keep the information that we pass to children age-appropriate, we should. But let's not allow them to be completely blind-sided. That little girl's devastation, "Not again, Daddy", would have been prevented if she knew that her parent's marriage was a non-traditional one. (Although I don't know HOW they'd explain her mother's involvement in somebody else's marriage. )

 

Adultery isn't an accident, I agree with JustBreathe on that. This cheating mom's actions, her interference in the betrayed wife's family, ended up having direct consequences for own. And while I find Marlena's POV that there isn't malicious intent on the part of the OW/OM to be likely, still... there IS deliberation of action. In this respect, the cheating mom threw the first punch, and she's lucky, IMO, that the fallout wasn't worse than what it was.

You've got a lot of passion where this subject is concerned which is understandable, yet, you need to be careful with the details.

[DazedandConfused66]

I called down to their house last night to ask if they'd like their youngest to spend the night with us Friday night to give them some time to talk or whatever. He was appreciative and said they'd like that. He then asked me if his youngest had ever talked about their 'relationship' with my daughters. I said that, honestly, no I don't think so (I've asked my daughters and they said the youngest just said mom and dad used to fight a lot but now neither were together that often). In fact, I said she seldom talked about her parents at all because they were hardly ever home. This girl hangs out at our house a LOT. She's very close to my youngest, but her parents are hardly ever home and when one is, the other never is. We only see them together at social events...otherwise, she comes home, makes her own dinner, often puts herself to bed. We've always kept an eye out on her as have other neighbors as it was apparent that something wasn't kosher over there.

 

He told me that their "arrangement" was that each was free to pursue romantic relationships outside of the marriage just as long as the kids never were exposed to it. Unfortunately, and he admits this, what that "arrangement" forces is that both he and she spend a LOT of time outside of the home with their OM/OW. So much so that the kids are pretty much just left alone to fend for themselves. Basically, since they don't get along as a couple, and since they want to fill their needs with people in a discreet manner, they've chosen to leave the house and just show up for the most basic of parental tasks. He said this was wrong and he wanted to change it. Unfortunately, it took something like "this" (referring to the incident) for them to realize that they were basically pursuing their own needs as a higher calling than their childrens' needs.

 

Long and short, and this is the most judgemental thing I'll say on here likely (well, it's only 8A....maybe not).....it's about freakin' time to hear him say that his kids needs have value over a roll in the hay with his own OW. I was actually starting to feel angry for their girls' sake. She deserves a happy home. Obviously, she's not going to get one. But this "arrangement" only served to pull both parents out of the home more and more frequently, abandoning their responsibilities towards HER just because they CHOSE to pursue affairs in a discreet manner in a vain attempt to keep up a "fake marriage front." They basically put their kids thru hell and all the insecurities that go with never being around all so they could maintain the social illusion that everything was fine. That's bogus. I'd rather the erected a circus tent in the front yard for massive orgies than this mess.

 

The "not again daddy, you promised" comment? I asked him what that meant since he was being so open with me. He said it's because his wife had an affair with another married man several years ago and that man committed suicide when his wife found out about it (sounds like he may have had other issues as well, not entirely blaming the affair). But in the ensuing investigation about his death, her affair with him came to light and she was, temporarily, a suspect and was taken away by police with a warrant for questioning. She was cleared, but it was embarrassing to her and the family and terrifying for their youngest girl who was only 7 at the time.

 

Deception is never the answer. All it does it poisons everything you touch. If the issues in the marriage are so bad that you can't find the strength to deal with them, then just divorce already. There's no reason to hide affairs unless there is something you are ashamed about in the process. So eliminate the shame before you bring it to someone else's door.

 

This hit way too close to home. I try very hard to keep my family inside of this shield, this bubble of protection. Obviously, that's an illusion also. But I hate watching a slow-moving train wreck. And that's exactly what this looks like from my vantage point.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I feel so bad for those kids.