DazedandConfused66 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Wow! I just came home from the office early today to check in on my wife. I grabbed the mail and on top of the stack was a folded piece of colored paper. Thinking it was one of those lawn care junk mail things, I just threw it into the recycling bin. My wife is ALWAYS upset with me when I pitch stuff without reading it so she grabs it back out of the hopper. The note was a letter written by an obviously angry betrayed wife regarding a neighbor of ours. Allegedly, this neighbor of ours was having an affair with this womans' husband. The letter makes all kinds of accusations with lurid details and basically is just a full page rant of finger pointing towards our neighbor. Now, she's married and they have 3 kids. I play golf with her husband on occasion, they have a rather strained relationship, always seemed a bit "permissive" with one another to me. They take seperate vacations, one is never home when the other is, etc. None of my beeswax, they are civil to one another and active in the community, just not really giving off the appearance that they were happily married. Now I'm in a bit of a quandry. We've read this letter and have heard all these one-sided accusations. It's none of our business but, obviously, this betrayed wife wants to make it our business. The thing is....there are kids involved here. My kids and theirs are buds and play together. We've had their daughter over for slumber parties countless of times. If we got this letter, I'm betting half the neighborhood did as well. While I don't condone any of the alleged behaviors...it's just gossip and hearsay right now. But I somewhat feel I owe this to her and her husband to let them know that this kind of material is being distributed. The affair may or may not be a surprise to him (the husband), but the distribution of this letter certainly WILL be. I'm the only one home right now...my wife is one of the few SAHM's here in the neighborhood. So I've got this information likely before anyone else. If you were me....would you just ignore this or would you call them (maybe her since it was written about and obviously to hurt her) and let them know about the existence of it? Their kids will be home in a few hours....I'd hate for them to grab the mail and get this themselves. I kind of have my mind made up just in the time it took to write this. But cheaters beware.....things can get quite ugly once the affair is exposed.
JustBreathe Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I would call him and tell him just what you wrote here. That you found this note in your garbage and it looked like someone wanted you to find it. Don't know if anyone else in the neighborhood got it but want to make sure he gets the mail before his kids come home. Then butt out and leave it to him and his wife to figure things out. I don't know about calling he wife as if she is cheating, this gives her time to come up with all kinds of excuses as to why the note was written.
underpants Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Maybe I am bad. However, I think what she did is awesome. I second your warning to cheaters. You can't keep that dirty laundry piled up. Eventually it is going to get aired. She probably discovered his affair and this is an attempt to regain some control by letting everybody know. It is a sad, but like you said, 'hell hath no fury'. It might be best for you and your wife to distance yourselves from all parties if possible. It is going to be a little tense for some time and you don't want to find yourself embroiled in a messy situation. Who needs desperate housewives when you can watch it from your porch? Oh my.
Author DazedandConfused66 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Yeah, just called him and my wife just called her. So we notified them both. He asked me to go down to his house and check his mailbox so I did....letter was in there also, although it was a bit more personal and addressed like a normal card. No stamps on the envelope (nor on my letter) which means the lady must've driven around the neighborhood stuffing mailboxes with the things. At any rate, I got it so at least his kids won't see it first. Oh and it was addressed to their oldest daughter who is a senior in HS right now. She babysits for us on occasion. I've no idea of the contents of the card/letter/envelope, but that seems inappropriate to bring a minor into the mess. And yes...up to them on how they fix this mess.
whichwayisup Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 That's all that counts right now, keeping this crap away from the kids. It's sad though because some of the other kids will find out, either by hearing their folks about it or if one opens the letter in their mailbox, so I really hope it doesn't get back to your neighbours little ones.
marlena Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Ouch! What a terrible position to be put in! Honestly, I don't know what I'd do if this had happened to me! I don't in any way condone the lady's making the rounds with this piece of mud - slinging. I think what she did is reprehensible to the extreme!! I don't care how hurt and betrayed one may feel. It's not dignified and shows a very low level of intellect in my opinion. Of course they do have to know that this is making the neighborhood rounds!!! Like Under said, who needs Desperate Housewives? Bad, bad situation. Sorry you were put in this terrible dilemma!
marlena Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 And, yes, I feel very bad for the kids if this reaches their ears. Children can be very cruel! What was this woman thinking?
Kasan Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 [quote=DazedandConfused66;1394937 Oh and it was addressed to their oldest daughter who is a senior in HS right now. She babysits for us on occasion. I've no idea of the contents of the card/letter/envelope, but that seems inappropriate to bring a minor into the mess. And yes...up to them on how they fix this mess. Very inappropriate--I wonder if this will be the end of it or will she start to ramp things up when she doesn't get the expected responses from the neighbors?
whichwayisup Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 What was this woman thinking? Nothing but revenge. Sick, very sick..
Author DazedandConfused66 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 The tone of the betrayed wives' email was mostly a rant of accusations about how this neighbor had seduced her husband. Having read several posts from spouses who tend to blame only the OW/OM, it actually looked very similar to some of what I've seen around here. Hubby was just a poor victim to her conniving ways, or you'd think so having read this letter. Of course, this is just one side of things...no idea whether or not she did the same to HER neighbors but this time about her husband. Somehow, however, I don't think so. The whole thing is sad. I'll likely have to talk to my kids about the importance of not spreading/contributing to gossip. They are sure to hear about this from other friends in the neighborhood and, right now, they need to be supportive of their girlfriend who is the neighbors kids. Really heartbreaking. The husband I called wasn't the least bit surprised but simply asked me to go check his mail and remove it to my house until he could pick up later. My wife said the neighbor woman was in tears and said she had "made a mistake" and that this mans' wife was crazy and dangerous. My heart goes out to all of them. It sounds like there is some truth behind the letter but the affair is obviously going to negatively impact several lives here. Nobody is in the right.....
underpants Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 The whole thing is sad. I'll likely have to talk to my kids about the importance of not spreading/contributing to gossip. They are sure to hear about this from other friends in the neighborhood and, right now, they need to be supportive of their girlfriend who is the neighbors kids. I started to write a post addressing this. Then I realized I am not a parent and I may not know what I am talking about. I agree with you and also that your kids will very likely hear about this. It would be better coming from you and your wife first. Then some good validation as to your love for your family. Reassuring everyone that they are a priority and being open to any concerns or questions they may have. The whole situation is very sad. Affairs effect alot more then the two people engaging in one. In this case a whole neighborhood is rocked. I wish you and your family the best. (my dark and evil side would be sitting on the porch drinking a beer)
Author DazedandConfused66 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I met my youngest daughter (12) at the bus stop and casually invited the neighbors youngest (also 12) over to the house to play some video games...told her she could call her mom and ask if it was ok to have dinner with us also. They are upstairs doing homework together now. Neither of my neighbors are home yet (both work downtown...quite a ways away with traffic) and I can't bear the thought of the youngest being home alone and one of her friends springing this on them. At least this way, I can control access to her until her parents get home. I'm too much of a busybody for my own good sometimes, but I hate seeing kids involved in adult-level issues.
pollywag Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I've heard of some screwball things in my life but this takes the cake. This poor woman has completely lost her marbles. Not only will she look like a complete whack job for doing this but the neighbours might even read into it and find an excuse for her husband cheating on her. I don't think she realises it but she made her husband's infidelity look, well...not that bad in comparisson.
reboot Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I'm too much of a busybody for my own good sometimesBleh, you're a kind and decent man. I would be proud to have you as a neighbor.
White Flower Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 DazedandConfused66 wrote> I'm too much of a busybody for my own good sometimes I wouldn't call you a busy body:) With all that is on your plate, both you and your wife's, it is amazing you find the time to help others in this most considerate and loving way. Surely your rewards will be great in the afterlife. And I agree with Pollywag, this BS is causing herself and her husband a great deal of humiliation. Too bad she couldn't think of this and all the children involved. How is your wife doing, Dazed?
sally4sara Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 And, yes, I feel very bad for the kids if this reaches their ears. Children can be very cruel! What was this woman thinking? Probably to make the OW home life as painful as the BS's. It is STILL very low for her to do. I guess she isn't a big fan of the whole "rising above things" doctrine.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 The BS made it your business by sending that letter out (as you mentioned). So now, the neighbourly thing to do is to contact this neighbour of yours and let them know that such a letter is floating around. This is especially courteous considering there are kids involved in this (like you said, what if one of the kids were to read this). No doubt, others have gotten this letter too. So it's bound to reach the couple sooner or later. If everyone stays quiet and pretends...well that's just fake. You rec'd it and now you need to do something about it. Too often, people shy away from being considerate in fear that they'll appear to be nosy. You seem to care and you are friendly with the H, I think it's appropriate to put in a phone call and let them know that you rec'd such a letter.
Author DazedandConfused66 Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 I spoke briefly to my neighbor (the H) when he picked up his daughter. Gave him the letter. He looked like he'd been gut shot with a shotgun. He simply said that his wife and he had an "understanding" but that she was supposed to remain discreet and that, unfortunately, she chose the wrong man to be "discreet" with. I don't even want to know what that means, but I think the word "unfortunate" is an understatement. I really don't know what to say. I've suspected for some time that the two of them were married just for appearances. My wife isn't a gossip but even she says she's heard that they had some kind of an arrangement. I feel for his kids, I feel for him given how he looked, I haven't seen her yet but I feel for her also. And, although I don't know her and she's obviously flipped out, I feel for the other family here too. This woman happens to be the wife of one of our city civic leaders. So it's gonna get very public now. But who I really feel for is their daughter. I haven't seen the two older girls yet, but the younger one took one look at her dad and started crying saying "Not again Daddy, you promised." I don't know what that means, but it was enough to break my heart. I'm not sure how some of you handle the pain of infidelity once it's out. I'm just catching shrapnel from a nearby explosion and it hurts. This must be awful for you to endure. I have a newfound empathy for the pain you must endure.
marlena Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 And I agree with Pollywag, this BS is causing herself and her husband a great deal of humiliation. Too bad she couldn't think of this and all the children involved. If she were a responsible adult and really cared for her family, she would have thought about the repercussions and not exposed her family to such public humiliation. Obviously, she is not mature and all the fury in hell and beyond do not justify her selfish actions. If she had any class at all, she would have dealt with things differently. Actually, she should have done everything in her power to protect her family, not to mention that if she were a decent human being, she would have thought of all the children involved in this mess. To me, she is a mean and spiteful woman, nothing more, nothing less. And yes, I agree, I would even start thinking that I don't blame her husband one bit for looking outside of the marriage for some intimate connection. I hope this boomerangs on her and she becomes the laughing stock of the whole neighborhood. Sorry to be so harsh, but there is NO excuse for such behavior.
marlena Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Dazed, You did a very kind and thoughtful thing to take that 12 year - old girl into your house until her parents came home. You are a wonderful parson, it is easy to see. If there were more people like you, the world would surely be a better place. Seeing that this man is a public figure, could this mess possibly come out in the local gossipy news channels? I sincerely hope not. For if it does, all the children's lives will become a living hell, including the children of this inane, to say the least, woman.
boshemia Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Why can't people keep the grown-up business with the grow-ups where it belongs. I've been on the betrayed spouse side of things, but damn... From a legal standpoint, the woman is just looking to get sued. You don't go around printing stuff like that... and unless every single word she printed was a true and provable fact... libel will be hard to deny. I wouldn't be suprised if the injured parties sued and won! However, you are awesome for remembering the kids and doing your best to help them out. I would be honored to have a friend like you.
Author DazedandConfused66 Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Thanks all for the kind words of encouragement. It's a new crisp (and cold!) fall morning here so maybe things will look a little more reasonable by the light of day. I don't envy any of the neighbors this morning. I know that my neighbors opted to take the day off as I can see both their cars still in the driveway...they would have had to leave for work an hour ago to make it thru downtown rush hour. So that's a good sign that they are at least circling the wagons to protect their family. I wish them well....thanks for the advice everyone.
marlena Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Sounds like a good neighbourhood with the exception of one bad apple! Love those crisp autumn days!
outofdarkness Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Wow! I just came home from the office early today to check in on my wife. I grabbed the mail and on top of the stack was a folded piece of colored paper. Thinking it was one of those lawn care junk mail things, I just threw it into the recycling bin. My wife is ALWAYS upset with me when I pitch stuff without reading it so she grabs it back out of the hopper. The note was a letter written by an obviously angry betrayed wife regarding a neighbor of ours. Allegedly, this neighbor of ours was having an affair with this womans' husband. The letter makes all kinds of accusations with lurid details and basically is just a full page rant of finger pointing towards our neighbor. Now, she's married and they have 3 kids. I play golf with her husband on occasion, they have a rather strained relationship, always seemed a bit "permissive" with one another to me. They take seperate vacations, one is never home when the other is, etc. None of my beeswax, they are civil to one another and active in the community, just not really giving off the appearance that they were happily married. Now I'm in a bit of a quandry. We've read this letter and have heard all these one-sided accusations. It's none of our business but, obviously, this betrayed wife wants to make it our business. The thing is....there are kids involved here. My kids and theirs are buds and play together. We've had their daughter over for slumber parties countless of times. If we got this letter, I'm betting half the neighborhood did as well. While I don't condone any of the alleged behaviors...it's just gossip and hearsay right now. But I somewhat feel I owe this to her and her husband to let them know that this kind of material is being distributed. The affair may or may not be a surprise to him (the husband), but the distribution of this letter certainly WILL be. I'm the only one home right now...my wife is one of the few SAHM's here in the neighborhood. So I've got this information likely before anyone else. If you were me....would you just ignore this or would you call them (maybe her since it was written about and obviously to hurt her) and let them know about the existence of it? Their kids will be home in a few hours....I'd hate for them to grab the mail and get this themselves. I kind of have my mind made up just in the time it took to write this. But cheaters beware.....things can get quite ugly once the affair is exposed. For the love of God, please move if you can!!! How horrible. I really feel for you all. Good luck and blessings! ood
Ladyjane14 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Well, that's just sad for the kids. It would've been better for your neighbors just to be honest about the status of their marriage to begin with. If they're both comfortable in an "open marriage", why keep that a secret? Kids grow up in all sorts of families these days... traditional, blended, single-parent, gay, and even separated two-parent. There's no reason to LIE unless you think you're doing something wrong. I can't agree with attempting to contact the OW's children as the betrayed wife did... but I think adulterers sometimes forget that their actions have unpredictable consequences. Getting "outted" to your kids or to the entire community is just one of them. Your neighbors, Dazed, might have had "an arrangement", but clearly that same arrangement was non-existent in the betrayed wife's marriage. It was a time-bomb waiting to go off. There's no way to predict whether you'll be dealing with a "lion" or a "lamb" when you interfere in someone else's life. The rage of betrayal is STRONG ENERGY, sometimes "killing" energy. Heck, you see it all the time on the TV news where somebody goes off the deep end and does the unthinkable. In the grand scheme of things, when the worst case scenario is THAT BAD... this isn't the worst thing that could've happened. I'm not gonna lie about it, if some OW messed with my life, I might not commit it to writing and I surely wouldn't make a point of involving children, but said OW wouldn't be able to buy a cup of coffee at the local 7-11 without the clerk snickering behind her hands at her. If you get in somebody else's business, it's just good policy to be prepared to have them in yours. I think if your neighbors are open to advice though, their best bet is to dial down the energy on this thing. Hopefully, the betrayed wife will content herself with this little "pound of flesh" and mosey on along, people will gossip until the next big thing comes along and then it'll be over. Escalation can only result in further harm to the family. And it's not as if your neighbor's hands are clean in this. The actions of the betrayed wife, albeit unkind, were in response to the actions of the MOW. In a game of 'tit for tat', your neighbor already had her turn.
Recommended Posts