Marx76 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Background, we started dating 7 years ago and got married 4 years ago, we have 2 beautiful daughters ages 2 and 4 as of this december coming. May 24th my wife left me and went to live with her parents, and filed for separation right away, that being done, we sold our house and i bought a new one as she stayed at her parents. She really closed me out after she left, saying "we don't complete each other" and "I love you but not enough to be married to you". thats what i had to go on for the last 6 months. anyhow we kept a great friendship even through all of that, we respected each other as co-parents, nothing more, except i missed her everyday, till september i met up with a old GF and we started dating, and i started ignoring my ex completely, pick up the kids and drop them off with just minimal chat about the kids.. then i started bringing my new GF to our old friends houses for dinner and stuff. which was wierd for me but i did it to start my new relationship. Then 2 weeks ago my ex called me crying saying she has feelings she didn't think she had for me. and is confussed and scared and misses me. then she went on to tell her parents she will regret letting me go, and she doesn't understand why anymore why she left in the first place. She then tells me i've been a bestfriend to her through our separation and that she thinks im the strongest and most amazing person she knows and wants to give us a second chance with Marriage therapy. So i agreed to it and put my life on hold again, and had our first session only 2 days after that call, and she was completely into it and ready to confess all her feelings and worries. we agreed to take it slow because of the kids. The therapist said we need to spend time together to work things out. Well time is an issue as the kids are young and they need lots of attention and are on a schedule. dinner, bath, bed(sometimes take 1.5h) then lunches laundry and so forth. and by that time is 8:30-9 o'clock. and shes tired and has work to do for school. (teacher) no time to spend together which gives her doubts again. after one week of trying, shes feeling that shes only giving me 75% of her heart and 25% is scared and doubtful. And she feels she doesn't meet my needs, and its not fair i put in 110% while she puts in 75%. but we just started 75% is a good starting point don't you think? now i feel terrible. I kept asking her if its because shes lonely she said no, was it because of my new GF, she also said no, she said the feeling occured before she found out about her but just made her rush through certain feeling because my new GF was around. Is this just a power thing, that she doesn't want me to move on? or is it more? Do you all think we should continue to do this or should i just pack it in?? as i don't want to i would really like to work through all this and be happy with my family again. any suggestions? Thanks Scared Guy.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Dude, I wouldnt take her back. She left you when you need her the most and now she wants you back? What do you want? What does your girlfriend want? How does your GF treat you? This seperation was her idea let her stew in it.
cj1988 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 My H did the same thing to me....he moved in with his mom, I was devistated and 4 months after that he found out I moved on (we were not married , but lived together 8 years) and was hanging out with someone and had slept with him and he all the sudden wanted to come home. Cried and told me how much he loved me and missed me and then has called me a cheating b---- ever since, that was over 5 years ago. Yes, she is only doing this because of the new GF and it will end badly ! Do not take her back YET, make her prove herself to you now and take YOUR time and see what she does.
Phateless Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I think you should continue to see your gf and just talk to your wife. If she wants you back, make her earn it. This was her screw-up, and you don't owe her anything.
cj1988 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Phateless, you are adorable. Sorry to be so forward, but looks like I will be single soon and need to broaden my friends. I am not hitting on you, I AM NOT A CHEATER, I just need to start making myself feel better !
Phateless Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Phateless, you are adorable. Sorry to be so forward, but looks like I will be single soon and need to broaden my friends. I am not hitting on you, I AM NOT A CHEATER, I just need to start making myself feel better ! Haha, thanks. Actually in this kind of situation similar to yours and the OP there's nothing wrong with making new friends. When my ex left me I had virtually no friends and it was devastating.
Lyssa Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 You're not Richard Marx, are you?! If I were you, I wouldn't take her back. She's clearly very confused with this whole situation. She doesn't want you this minute then the next minute, she wants you back and to herself.. then thought it wasn't such a good idea... she's pushing and pulling... it's just wrong of her to do that.
cj1988 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I agree, the woman sounds like she needs some time to REALLY think without you taking her back right away. I know it takes a blow so to speak sometimes to wake people up, maybe this is the one. Phateless, if you are ever in ATLANTA let me know !
jmargel Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 In these types of situations you don't need to make a decision 'right now', I would give it a few more sessions of counseling for her to sort through her emotions. Now on the other hand your new GF, you need to be honest with her and good chance all of this is going to make her either leave or back off. I would hope that you wife gets individual counseling as well. If you don't deal with the 'root' of the problem this weed will return.
Phateless Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 In these types of situations you don't need to make a decision 'right now', I would give it a few more sessions of counseling for her to sort through her emotions. Now on the other hand your new GF, you need to be honest with her and good chance all of this is going to make her either leave or back off. I would hope that you wife gets individual counseling as well. If you don't deal with the 'root' of the problem this weed will return. Agreed!!!! Send the wife to individual counseling for quite a while. I would not get involved with her again until she has been doing that for at least a month or two. That will give her a chance to realize that a lot of your problems are HER fault and not yours. As for the current GF... if she knows what's good for her she'll probably bounce asap. You just have to decide if you're willing to give her up on the off-chance your wife comes around. Honestly... my instincts tell me your wife is going to do the same to you again. Sorry bud... we're here for you if you need us.
Phateless Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I agree, the woman sounds like she needs some time to REALLY think without you taking her back right away. I know it takes a blow so to speak sometimes to wake people up, maybe this is the one. Phateless, if you are ever in ATLANTA let me know ! My ex has recently been trying to get back in contact with me. Perhaps after being with another guy for a year, she realizes how good she had it with me and just how much of the problems were her fault... I can only dream. Check my profile, there's a link to my myspace if you want.
Woggle Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Believe me if you take her back she will leave again. She wanted to be on her own so she can be on her own from now on. It sounds like it is all emotion with her and when her emotions swing again you will get the same I love you but not in love with you. If you do decide to take her back though demand counseling and tell her she has to earn her way back into your heart.
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