asilisa Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Well hello to all, I've been reading the post for about a week now and so I figured I'd finally post one myself. I have actually been on this site before because my ex and I have broken up numerous times. Well it's too long of a story but we were together for four years but he broke up with me last Monday (I am 23 and he is 27). I'm so heartbroken, confused, lost and scared. This is actually like our 7th time breaking up but each breakup never lasted more than 2 weeks. With him only coming back once and the other times I had to approach him. Each time we broke up he would always leave a little note or card on my car just so I'd know he was thinking about me(who the hell does that?)...and this would make me go insane and I'd have to talk to him and we would get back together. Everytime we break up its because of the same thing: we are too different accoring to him. This break up is seriously killing me and I'm not sure I can make it thru the healing process...I'm so scared that I'll never get over him and I'll never get the thought out of my mind that he'll be back (because he has always come back). I know for sure that I will not be begging for him to return this time. Has anyone every had a relationship like this...where you keep getting back together and having a "normal" relationship only to be broken up with again and again? How did you get over the hope? When he broke up with me on Monday he said we didn't love eachother anymore but by the end of the conversation he loved the sh** outta me (i'm his girlfriend, we've been together for four years, blah, blah, blah) but I left him no other choice than to break up with me. He even went as far as to say that he didn't understand why I was acting the way i was and packing all my crap to leave his house. He only said he wanted a break. Are you serious? I sat for two hours and listened to him talk about how horriable it is going out with me and I'm supposed to think we are on a break (by the way he always says we are going on break). I told him no we aren't on a break we are broken up because I can't deal with wondering if he'll be back while i'm supposed to be student teaching. He told me I was being selfish. I just want to crawl in a big black hole. I actually did see him on Saturday because we had a wedding that we were both in. During the wedding he smiled at me a few times but at the reception he wasn't approaching to say hello. So I asked if I could talk to him and we did talk. I just basically told him I didnt want things to be weird between us while we were at the event and he said he was glad that I came to the wedding (because I told him I wasn't going to go). He also told me that he would still pay for the muffler on my car to get fixed and would set up an appointment for me to take my car somewhere. I brought up the idea of us getting back together and he was just like "Why would you bring that up?" So I said sorry. And he was just like "Of course I miss you, am sad and think about you but I don't know what you want me to say." He also commented that "I'm not out looking for girls that's not what this is about...all I'm doing is working." So basically we just ended that conversation with a good bye and a hug. While we were eating dinner I looked up at the bridal party and he had a big smile on his face and was waving a string bean at me (because he knows I love string beans). It was all going so nicely but later on he came over to my table to give me attitude about not saying hello to his uncle...which I didn't do on purpose. So I apologized to his uncle and told my ex that I did so and that I wasn't trying to ignore his uncle...and he was like "I don't care -- I need to go." I'm not sure what I expect to get out of posting this or what anyone will say but when you love someone and they say they still love you it is just so hard to move on. I know it's stupid...I'm going to call my doctor today to seek professional help. On top of it all I get to be doing my student teaching right now!! With graduation looming -- I know I'll make it cause I have no other choice. Thanks to those who read sorry that it's all over the place.
kittensmittens Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Hi asilisa, I'm having a crap time myself so I'm pretty much useless for advice, but your relationship sounds very similar to how mine went. We were together 4 years and broke up 4 times. However, he was the one who left me every time AND came back every time. Except for this last break up, we were never apart for more than 2 or 3 weeks though, just like yours. He has a new girlfriend now, so I know he's not coming back, but I have the same problem....I can't squash the illogical hope that he'll be back b/c it's happened so many times before. I think to myself, "no, this is not how it's supposed to go....he's supposed to come BACK, damn it!". Then I feel angry at him for coming back all those times before and getting my mind stuck in this pattern. Mine did the same thing too....back and forth, back and forth....saying one thing ("we're just incompatible people") then 2 sentences later something completely different ("Of course I still love you, I wake up crying b/c you're not here"). Wtf, is pretty much all I can say to that. I still blame myself, but as I'm writing this I'm beginning to conclude, as I have before, that these guys are simply full of sh*t. I want to believe I meant more than that to him, but some days it makes it easier to envision myself moving on when I realize I must not have---and that it was HIM, not me. And I don't need that. I can do better. And so can you. Mine also packed up all my stuff, sent me an email telling me to come get the boxes and find another place to live (we had lived together 2 1/2 yrs.).....and then tried to claim I was the one who left him b/c I had left town. He twisted it all around saying he "doesn't want this, but what's done is done now, this is how it has to be, YOU left ME". Funny how his blog post where he boasted about dumping me didn't seem to indicate any of this. I think you were right to say it's a break up. These guys want us to believe their intentions are something otherwise, but they aren't. And...I had to live with a lot of instability too. We had so many near break ups that I never knew from one week to the next if I would have to pack my things and go. It was always me who would have to leave too, not him...it was always him deciding whether or not he wanted to be w/ me. It was terrifying and nerve wracking. Even though he broke up with me again this last time, I was the one who ulitmately walked away from all the instability and uncertainty, as in your situation, so I think we should consider ourselves pretty f*cking strong. Because, obviously we loved them more than they ever loved us....as crappy as that is to face. Naturally it's going to be hell for us. Like I said, I don't have any magical advice to offer you....it's all I can do to get through the day each day, but I know far too well how you're feeling. I'm absolutely terrified I'll never move on either. So you're not alone. And it's not stupid seeking professional help...I actually called the Dr. RIGHT before I came on here and read your post. I'm not in class today b/c it's just getting to be too much for me to handle. Sometimes life throws more at us than we can handle on our own and I finally accepted that today. I thought "this is silly, you can do it, just get your butt out of bed and go to class"...and the result has been a lot of failing grades. If your roof fell in, you wouldn't expect to be able to fix it yourself.....you'd hire an expert. Sometimes other areas of our life require a little professional intervention as well. Anyway......I hope something helped in some small way....keep posting....
Author asilisa Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I had a bad day and it really isn't fair. i spent the day with my neice and this is something that used to bring me so much joy and all day all I could think about was him. I really can't take it I'm going out of my mind...i wish I would have stayed broken up with him one of the seven times. The pain is too much to bare I can't even imagine how it'll be when I find out he has another girlfriend. Anyway Kitten thank you so much for your post and I'm sorry that you too are going through this hard time. I guess we'll both make it through to the other side in our own time.
MattyTee Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Heya Asilisa, I actually did try to reply to this post earlier but I was at work and typing using a touchscreen keyboard is a nightmare. I managed somehow to go back on my browser and lost what I had written. I'm sorry you are going through this! *hugs*. I can sympathise a little, my ex broke up with me 3 times before finally leaving me. Each time she would say she didn't mean it and I shouldn't bring it up. Emotionally it was soul destroying and I each time I would be even more afraid, that this was it, the final time. It actually did turn out to be I'm glad you were strong enough to stand up and say no, something I could never do. I know it's horribly painful and I really feel for you. There are a lot of people going through the same feelings here and it's good to know you aren't alone. He sounds like he's going through a confusing time and he's lashing out at you. I know it's hard but maybe the best thing would be to take some distance for yourself. It's time to make you number one in your life right now. I've found a few things have helped me on my way: reading (Paulo Coehlo is a recommendation of mine), exercise (even if just going for walks), writing (a journal, a lot of people find this helps release feelings) and if you feel you need it, a good therapist / counselor can do wonders. Remember to pamper yourself, have some nice long baths and have a mug of cocoa. Try smiling at least 5 times a day - even if you don't feel like it. You know what they say "Fake it till you make it". I tried this one yesterday, I promised 10 smiles in the day. By the end of the day I realised I'd smiled like 4 times so I made up for it with some inane grins. That act in itself actually made me laugh at myself Take care, keep posting
Author asilisa Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Heya Asilisa, I actually did try to reply to this post earlier but I was at work and typing using a touchscreen keyboard is a nightmare. I managed somehow to go back on my browser and lost what I had written. I'm sorry you are going through this! *hugs*. I can sympathise a little, my ex broke up with me 3 times before finally leaving me. Each time she would say she didn't mean it and I shouldn't bring it up. Emotionally it was soul destroying and I each time I would be even more afraid, that this was it, the final time. It actually did turn out to be I'm glad you were strong enough to stand up and say no, something I could never do. I know it's horribly painful and I really feel for you. There are a lot of people going through the same feelings here and it's good to know you aren't alone. He sounds like he's going through a confusing time and he's lashing out at you. I know it's hard but maybe the best thing would be to take some distance for yourself. It's time to make you number one in your life right now. I've found a few things have helped me on my way: reading (Paulo Coehlo is a recommendation of mine), exercise (even if just going for walks), writing (a journal, a lot of people find this helps release feelings) and if you feel you need it, a good therapist / counselor can do wonders. Remember to pamper yourself, have some nice long baths and have a mug of cocoa. Try smiling at least 5 times a day - even if you don't feel like it. You know what they say "Fake it till you make it". I tried this one yesterday, I promised 10 smiles in the day. By the end of the day I realised I'd smiled like 4 times so I made up for it with some inane grins. That act in itself actually made me laugh at myself Take care, keep posting Hey matty thanks for the comment. I have been trying to keep busy and actually do smile during the day but my thoughts are still all about him. Being with the kids at school really helps but my time with them is up in december and i'm so scared that I'm going to go insane after that. Well anyway thanks again... I'm going to try to get some sleep because I'm so tired and have been sleeping like crap. Hope your healing is going well
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