scaredinnj Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I am writing this here because I have no one to talk to. My wife and I have been maried for about 7 years, together for 12 this month. I am 36, she is 34. We have no children. Both of us had been overweight for almost all of that time. After the marriage, we both gained quite a bit. This past year, we both have started to go to the gym and eat better. God bless her, she has lost a lot of weight and is now smaller than when we first met. for me, it has been tough, but I am feeling better physically and have lost some weight. With the weight loss, my wife has been looking at all areas of her life. For the past few weeks, it has been really tough for me. She has told me that every aspect of her life is great, except for our relationship. We have had many conversations about it, and I am really scared. She has gone so far as to say that the thing that is missing, has been missing from the beginning. That she stayed with me because I was safe. Basically that there is no spark for her when it comes to me. I feel that there has always been a spark. I believe that it is set to low right now. my definition of romance, passion and initimacy are obviuously very different from what she needs now. Everything that I thought I was doing right, I have been told was wrong. I love this woman with all of being. I would do or say anything to not lose her. We have created a life that I really truly love. We both have jobs that we like, a house that we own. I have had issues in the past with travelling, but have resolved to correct them and have been planning and taking trips with her. We went on a cruise this summer which I thought to be very fun and romantic. I felt the closest I have been to her in a long time. When I asked her about how she felt, she told me that it wasnt romantic at all. I asked her flat out if I have ever done anything to hurt her, and I was told that I have not. I have never cheated on her and could not begin to fathom even thinking about it. I feel guilty just talking to the women I work with. She has said that lately it has crossed her mind and is afraid she may act on it. A few years ago it almost did happen and i was devastated. I have done my best to get over it, but it is something that will never go away. It has played a part in my not being as affectionate and romantic and intimate with her as I would like to. This in turn has pushed her away even more from being that way towards me. I do not want to lose her, and she has said that she does not want to lose me; that she does not want to leave what we do have. But I am scared that this is not so. We have both gone to the same LCSW in the past, most often seperately, but sometimes together. I have made a list of local marriage counselors which I have given to my wife. She has agreed to go to one and see how it goes. She has also promised me that if she does not like the first one we see, she will try it again with someone else. For the record, I am on antidepressants, as I have struggled with depression. I just recently started to go off of one of them, that did a real number on me. It prevented me from having any real emotions. Now tht I have stopped taking it, I am overwhelmed with sadness and cannot stop crying in front of her. She stayed with family this past weekend. I hated that she wasnt here in our bed in the morning. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her.
notspiritual Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Losing her or not losing her is not for you to decide, so stop worrying about it. Most women are flakey like your wife, so don’t blame yourself too much. All you can do is to take care of yourself. Lose that big belly! Be the best husband you can be. But if it does not work, it does not work, that’s life! Don’t base all your happiness on a woman, most of the time they are not worth it. I see no reason to be scared. Worst case, you lose a woman who had no spark for you and only married for safety. You are a man, you don’t need a woman in your life, women need you! This is an opportunity for you to become stronger. Don’t settle for a life full of lies. It is tough now but you will be fine.
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