Ima littleconfused Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 confused and looking for a little advice from some people that might actually have a clue. Ill try to be brief and than elaborate if needed, so any help that you can provide would be appreciated. So roughly 8 years ago i dated this girl for a while, the relationship was based mostly on sex and drinking, was a lot of fun at the time, but things changed and we "grew apart". there were no hard feelings either way, we didnt have a nasty break up or anything like that. it just ended. Now 8 years later, through modern technology, i happened across her again. (myspace). There was no particular plan but just doing a search one day ran across her. We started talking again and started to "catch up". both of our lives have changed for the better compared to before. we each have a couple more kids than we did. More to the point, we started hanging out on a more regular basis, than we started seeing each other exclusively. We have been dating for a whole 2 weeks now. She also informed me that i was "moving to fast" so i kinda backed off a bit. We had one stupid fight where i said something stupid and she got jealous about it, i apologized for it and allegedly everything was alright. Out of the blue tonight i get an odd text message from her stating that "she doesnt think that she is ready for a relationship yet", "its not me its her", and things like that, i called her to find out what was going on, and to briefly summarize the 1 1/2 conversation. She was breaking up with me. She is upset because we havent spent a lot of time together lately, and she doesnt think that i am that interested in her because there were 2 occasions where there was a potential to have sex and we didnt. And she didnt want to have a situation where she would feel guilty for going out with people that she wouldnt feel guilty about if we werent exclusive (we never had any issues in relation to this). Finally, we end the conversation with her saying that we should hang out tomorrow with her and her kids starting around noon. (So ultimately the whole day) She also wants for me to take her out on more dates so that we can get to know each other better. Any idea what this girl is trying to accomplish? I believe that she wants me to want her and take her out, but how am i supposed to know how to approach this. How do i not date her but take her out on dates and hang out with her more? I guess im a little more than confused. Any help would be great, thanks
Lauriebell82 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 It sounds like she feels things are moving too fast, and she wants to slow down. She doesn't want a relationship, she just wants to casually date. If this ok with you, then you should keep seeing her, but if you feel you can't give her the time she needs to feel comfortable then I would say cut your losses. Hey, it's only been two weeks and you guys are still getting to know each other again. My advice is to just back off and go by her schedule of how things are going to progress..if you want to keep her that is.
Author Ima littleconfused Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Well heres the thing, i dont have an issue with time, or slowing down. i am in no hurry and there is plenty of time in the world What confuses me though, is how do you in one breath say, we need to slow down and the next breath say lets hang out all day tomorrow and go on a date this weekend? Further more, now that we are not dating anymore how do i know when she wants to date again, i am obviously going to be a little gun shy so im not going to ask again any time soon. BTW, The date was already planned for this weekend, but now i dont know whether to alter the evening or not. It ended getting physical, but idk anymore if thats appropriate,
Lauriebell82 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Well heres the thing, i dont have an issue with time, or slowing down. i am in no hurry and there is plenty of time in the world What confuses me though, is how do you in one breath say, we need to slow down and the next breath say lets hang out all day tomorrow and go on a date this weekend? Further more, now that we are not dating anymore how do i know when she wants to date again, i am obviously going to be a little gun shy so im not going to ask again any time soon. BTW, The date was already planned for this weekend, but now i dont know whether to alter the evening or not. It ended getting physical, but idk anymore if thats appropriate, Okay sorry I misunderstood what you wrote. Well, did you try to talk her out of breaking up with you? That's probably why she changed her mind to just going on dates instead of not seeing each other at all. Maybe you could just have a conversation and just ask her what she wants out of this. Ask if she wishes to continue a physical relationship, and tell her that when she decides to bump things up to the next level then she should let you know. Reassure her that you are comfortable taking things slow, and will support her decision. I guess that's all you can really do right now.
Author Ima littleconfused Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Okay sorry I misunderstood what you wrote. Well, did you try to talk her out of breaking up with you? That's probably why she changed her mind to just going on dates instead of not seeing each other at all. Maybe you could just have a conversation and just ask her what she wants out of this. Ask if she wishes to continue a physical relationship, and tell her that when she decides to bump things up to the next level then she should let you know. Reassure her that you are comfortable taking things slow, and will support her decision. I guess that's all you can really do right now. I dont know if what i did was try to talk her out of it, i tried to share what i was feeling about the whole thing, a few times she asked me if i understood, and i told her i did not. I told her that i didnt have to understand, it was her decision and i respect her opinion whatever it is. She doesnt exactly know what she wants out of this, but "her gut" is telling her that something is not right so she is going to listen to it. I asked why she agreed to be exclusive a few weeks ago and she said she thought that she was ready and apparently not, but again the main issue that she had was that we didnt spend enough time together lately. Hard to spend lots of time with someone when they think things are going to fast, Should i just hang out with her everyday and pretend that im not interested in dating? as ghey as that sounds?
Author Ima littleconfused Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Am i wrong for thinking its weird that she wants to spend the day with me and her kids the day after she breaks up with me? Shouldnt she be trying to distance me from the kids at this point?
Lauriebell82 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Am i wrong for thinking its weird that she wants to spend the day with me and her kids the day after she breaks up with me? Shouldnt she be trying to distance me from the kids at this point? Um, maybe. It sounds like she wants to just try to get to know you a little better. What you guys have is in the past, and she probably just wants to get to know you as the person you are now. It doesn't sound like she broke up with you because she wanted to get away from you, or that she doesn't like you or anything. She probably just wants to hang out as like a friend "getting to know you" type thing. Honestly though, it doesn't sound like you are okay with this arrangement. If that's the case than you should tell her that maybe you should just give her some time for herself and when she is ready to date again to look you up. If your willing to just "be friends" and hang out than go for it, but you wouldn't be on her questioning her actions if it didn't bother you. Just my observation.
Author Ima littleconfused Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Honestly though, it doesn't sound like you are okay with this arrangement. If that's the case than you should tell her that maybe you should just give her some time for herself and when she is ready to date again to look you up. If your willing to just "be friends" and hang out than go for it, but you wouldn't be on her questioning her actions if it didn't bother you. Just my observation. I do appreciate all the advice that you have given, i really do. You have helped to settle my mind a bit. Yes, i am actually okay with it, it just doesnt make sense to me, and i am questioning it because of that. There are a lot of things that dont make sense to me tho. lol And in the end just wondering out loud if it confuses others as well. If that alone makes any sense.
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