hollaxatholly Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I'm just wondering if anyone on here HAS told the MM/MW's H or W?? What was the reaction? Did it help or hurt? and What was your relationship..or whatever it turned out to be..with the married partner after telling on them? Anyone's MM/MW forgiven them for that? I guess normally if you told on them, you probably didn't care or wish to talk to them anymore...but I'd just like to know anyones stories about telling the H or W....and the results...
TogetherForever Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 noone?? Holla, Are you thinking about telling? TF
whichwayisup Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Funny how those in affairs never even think of telling the BS at the start of the affair, during the affair when it's good. It's only when the A changes for the worse those thoughts of telling come to the foreground.
Lyssa Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I didn't even think about telling her. It wasn't my part. It was his responsibility to tell her. JMO.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 There were a couple on here who did tell, but it doesn't happen that often... I'd never do it...But I understand what would drive someone to...
Author hollaxatholly Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Holla, Are you thinking about telling? TF I already did... I sort of regret it now, I mean obviously she deserved to know what kind of a man she was dealing with, but I don't know...I guess I just felt so hurt and I tried to talk myself out of doing it and...I just did it. I think if I could go back and do it again...I wouldn't. I don't think it changed anything. She didn't leave him atleast...I probably just hurt her, caused a huge argument...and now MM...I haven't heard from him. Which, isn't what I wanted. I guess I was just being a little bit selfish when I told her, I acted with my hurt heart instead of my head. I couldn't watch him walk away and go back to her, wether they were happy or not. I had to know if it would change ANYTHING if she knew, without a doubt, that we were together....and...so far, it hasn't...but I haven't had contact with them so I don't know how things are going for sure...now I'm left with more questions than answers....still miserable...probably worse than I would have been if I hadn't told her. Not that I wouldn't suggest telling her, I don't know....just don't expect much from it, or much relief. Now, I just wish there was SOME way I could make it right...or better...and I don't think there is any way.
Author hollaxatholly Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 I didn't even think about telling her. It wasn't my part. It was his responsibility to tell her. JMO. I agree that it should be the WS place to tell, most of them won't though....I know for a fact that my MM would NEVER have admitted it....she basically knew about us...but we denied it over and over...SO I didn't really just shock her out of the blue or anything...I just confirmed what she already had an idea of....I think she was just hoping it wasn't true...
Meaplus3 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 I agree that it should be the WS place to tell, most of them won't though....I know for a fact that my MM would NEVER have admitted it....she basically knew about us...but we denied it over and over...SO I didn't really just shock her out of the blue or anything...I just confirmed what she already had an idea of....I think she was just hoping it wasn't true... I very much understand your reason's. I was almost there once there(telling that is) myself. But what did it get you? Sound's like more hurt to me than good. From what I now understand about a w who may be onto the a. It does not matter?? She will forgive because the W has a low sense of herself. I know that to be true for mm's W. Sound's like you wound up with the same type of mm. Good for you to do what you felt was right. AP:)
Impudent Oyster Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 You really ought to pay close attention to the outcome of telling the BS. Not that I want to help anyone have an affair or anything, but the surest way to kill the affair is to expose it. If a man wanted to end his marriage to be with another woman, he wouldn't be cheating on her with an OW who is happy to keep his secret, now would he? It's obvious that the only reason the affair exists is because you let it. Once his cover is blown, you'll find out your real value.
whichwayisup Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 haven't heard from him. Which, isn't what I wanted It's offically over and he isn't coming back. Ever. Now, I just wish there was SOME way I could make it right...or better...and I don't think there is any way. Move on and stay out of their marriage, out of their lives, forget him completely.
PoshPrincess Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I didn't even think about telling her. It wasn't my part. It was his responsibility to tell her. JMO. Ditto. She found out though and he STILL didn't admit the truth!
Lizzie60 Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I did...but it was by accident. I didn't know he was married... I called this number (he forgot to block it) and there she was... at the other end... So I confess... They are still together... I dumped him right away... I was pissed that he lied to me... more than the fact that he was married. He called me two years after... he wanted to see me again... yeah right... He will never stop... and she will never leave.... sad.
RecordProducer Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I don't think it changed anything. She didn't leave him atleast...I probably just hurt her, caused a huge argument...and now MM...I haven't heard from him. Which, isn't what I wanted. It changed everything! You hoped he would divorce, but he chose to stay with her. Good for you; it prevented you from wasting more time and energy on him. If he was ever going to leave his wife, he would leave her now. He gave YOU up easily in return for preserving the marriage. He wants you either as a mistress or as nothing. He can find another mistress, why leave his wife because of you? Well, now he can't easily find another mistress, cuz his wife is after him... You didn't do anything so wrong, although the selfish motives were wrong, but you're only human. You did yourself a favor. And you messed up his life. I feel sorry for the wife, but she also has a right to know information that pertain to her big time.
Lyssa Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I agree that it should be the WS place to tell, most of them won't though....I know for a fact that my MM would NEVER have admitted it....she basically knew about us...but we denied it over and over...SO I didn't really just shock her out of the blue or anything...I just confirmed what she already had an idea of....I think she was just hoping it wasn't true... The first time my MM's W found out, he denied it. Well, he just said the number was an overseas number so must have been a wrong number . I wasn't hurt that he denied us because at that time, I didn't think we would have anything more than what we had. I told him not to admit to anything just yet because he might lose his kids etc. Some BS find it hard to accept that their WS are actually in love with someone else so it's no surprise that she was hoping it wasn't true. Actually, any type of A would hurt a BS. Some would rather not know about it at all! Ditto. She found out though and he STILL didn't admit the truth! Did she found out on her own? My brother didn't admit it in the beginning but the OW was psychotic. Came looking for him at his house, it was horrible!! It wasn't even EA and no promises were made!
TogetherForever Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 The first time my MM's W found out, he denied it. Well, he just said the number was an overseas number so must have been a wrong number . I wasn't hurt that he denied us because at that time, I didn't think we would have anything more than what we had. I told him not to admit to anything just yet because he might lose his kids etc. Some BS find it hard to accept that their WS are actually in love with someone else so it's no surprise that she was hoping it wasn't true. Actually, any type of A would hurt a BS. Some would rather not know about it at all! Did she found out on her own? My brother didn't admit it in the beginning but the OW was psychotic. Came looking for him at his house, it was horrible!! It wasn't even EA and no promises were made! ThreadJack - Love your avatar Lyssa!!!!! It's quite McSteamy!!!! TF
Gwyneth Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I wouldn't unless I really hated the person I was in the affair with, or the spouse was a relative of mine or a friend and I owed it to them. In my situation, I do not owe her an explanation. I do not feel it's my place to tell her, but his place to tell her. It's his marriage, not mine, so he should tell her. I feel that he Should tell her instead of creating lie after lie becuase let's face it, he cannot lie for anything. I am sure she isn't buying his lies because he's pretty bad at it. Follow your heart, though. If it's guiding you to tell the spouse, then do it. If not, then do not make a bad situation even worse.
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