Curious: Why do girls/women/females do this?

[analyseThis]

I have a serious question; I have noticed several times over the past few girls I have dated they keep telling me this guy tried to pick her up here; this guy tried to pick her up there...etc..etc...my current girl (if she is that) does this to me as well. They all seem to try to make me believe they are the hottest stuff in the world and everyones chasing after em.

 

My question is to what end? Ok so some one tried to pick u up? :$ Are you trying to make me jealous? The thing is I don't get jealous easy; something with the way I was conditioned i guess. It takes a lot to feel jealousy within me,

 

why even bother talking like that and half of the time i feel like they just lie their hats off. So why do women do this?

[Krytie TV]

People (just as many men as women) do this due to their own insecurities. If someone tried to pick them up, it didn't really happen until they make sure someone else knows. Then they get their little ego boost when they tell someone else. Hey, if its what they need to feel whole, so be it. But it says a lot about the emotional state of your partner.

[Citizen Erased]

Sometimes if I'm out and this happens I will tell my bf. Not to make him feel like I'm wanted by half of the male population, but because if he asks me about the night and I don't tell him, what happens if someone says "oh this guy tried to pick her up" and he thinks I'm hiding it from him?

 

It has happened before, and rather then waste time with the explanation I just tell him straight up.

[shadowplay]

It has happened fairly often that when I'm out with my bf another guy will try to pick me up. Like if we're at a bar and he goes to the bathroom or I get up from the table for a minute. I usually tell him in these cases because it feels weird for me not to...like I'm hiding something. I also find it really irritating that guys will do this when I'm clearly with somebody else (like they saw me with him at a table). But it feels gratuitous to tell him about some random guy hitting on me when he's not around.

[Lyssa]

It's not about trying to make the BF jealous, it's about letting him know what other men are doing to his woman. I don't have to do that to make my BF jealous. Like D_C and Shadowplay, it's better to let it out straight rather than it becoming an issue later on.

[analyseThis]

I guess my main confusion point stems from the fact that I caught some of my Xs lying about stuff like this.

[Lyssa]

I guess my main confusion point stems from the fact that I caught some of my Xs lying about stuff like this.

 

You found out that she made it all up?

[oppath]

I've dated some girls and they always bring up "this person used to crush on me, that person used to crush on me" and it sucked. I was like "you aren't that hot." But if they are telling you it in case you think there may have been some history, it is a different intention.

[shadowplay]

I've dated some girls and they always bring up "this person used to crush on me, that person used to crush on me" and it sucked. I was like "you aren't that hot." But if they are telling you it in case you think there may have been some history, it is a different intention.

 

If you really thought that why were you even dating them?

[oppath]

You know what I mean shadowplay. I took a girl to homecoming in high school and every guy she looked at "used to like her" etc. It was a big turn off. Why was I with her if she weren't that hot? Her behavior made me think "why aren't all these guys that liked you with you? What is up with you?"

 

A similar situation happened a year ago. "This guy, that guy, yadayadayada." It did not endear me to her at all.

 

Now, when I have a gf, I want her to tell me "a guy asked me out and I told him I was already dating someone incredible...so I pawned him off on my friends "

[Phateless]

I told my ex to stop telling me about it. I told her "look, I know how beautiful you are, I tell you all the damn time. I know that other guys hit on you and I trust you to reject them. What's the purpose of telling me about it every time? I don't tell you about all the girls that hit on me. If I did you'd get pissed off and jealous."

 

I agree with the OP, this is a stupid habit and it's annoying. Every once in a while if it's a funny or interesting story, I don't mind and we can laugh about it together. Otherwise... what's the point?

[Ocean-Blue]

I believe in full and complete disclosure (or as well as humanly possible anyway). I tell my bf quite a bit b/c I want him to get where I'm coming from. I happen to be friends with some of the guys who've crushed on me in the past, so I tell him (in case it ever comes up).

 

And of course it's an ego boost! But I don't really need to tell my bf that...he's dating me for a reason, no? He does not need convincing (at least I hope not). I will admit however that I get a giggle out of telling my bf such things. It's like "tehe" other boys like me too! I guess that makes me insecure? I dunno... I like sharing.

 

If you two have been dating for a while and she's telling you all of this, she probably just wants you to know...nothing more than that. It's different however if you're just beginning to get to know her and she's constantly telling you about who has been hitting on her.

[Krytie TV]

It's not about trying to make the BF jealous, it's about letting him know what other men are doing to his woman. I don't have to do that to make my BF jealous. Like D_C and Shadowplay, it's better to let it out straight rather than it becoming an issue later on.

 

I'm really having a hard time understanding how this is the benefit of the guy and not yourself. If I'm dating a girl, I would expect that she would get hit on. I would be surprised if she doesn't. What exactly makes you need to "be up front about it"? Do your bfs quiz you about these things often?

 

I think you should ask your guy if he wants to hear it, because I will bet most guys could really care less about you being hit on. I still believe it's for selfish reasons that you would bring it up. Maybe because you think you need to let him know that he has competition? Come on now.

[Phateless]

I believe in full and complete disclosure (or as well as humanly possible anyway). I tell my bf quite a bit b/c I want him to get where I'm coming from. I happen to be friends with some of the guys who've crushed on me in the past, so I tell him (in case it ever comes up).

 

And of course it's an ego boost! But I don't really need to tell my bf that...he's dating me for a reason, no? He does not need convincing (at least I hope not). I will admit however that I get a giggle out of telling my bf such things. It's like "tehe" other boys like me too! I guess that makes me insecure? I dunno... I like sharing.

 

If you two have been dating for a while and she's telling you all of this, she probably just wants you to know...nothing more than that. It's different however if you're just beginning to get to know her and she's constantly telling you about who has been hitting on her.

 

With my ex, she told me the reason was because she wanted to be honest with me, and I told her that I appreciated her intent. But just as you "get a giggle" out of it, so did she. One time I realized she was enjoying reliving it to me and that's when I got pissed and called her on that. You admitted it yourself right there... he thinks you're pretty and he knows that other guys think you're pretty too. He also knows that other guys will hit on you. He might tolerate hearing about it, but I can guarantee he doesn't like it.

 

WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SERVE?

 

Do you want him to tell you about all the girls who make eyes at him or who linger in conversation because they're waiting for him to ask for her number? Does he tell you about the girls he could have picked up on but didn't because of you? NO!!!

 

sorry if I seem harsh but this is one of things girls do that just pisses me off. Just admit it, you like the attention and you want him to know that he always has competition.

[Ocean-Blue]

With my ex, she told me the reason was because she wanted to be honest with me, and I told her that I appreciated her intent. But just as you "get a giggle" out of it, so did she. One time I realized she was enjoying reliving it to me and that's when I got pissed and called her on that. You admitted it yourself right there... he thinks you're pretty and he knows that other guys think you're pretty too. He also knows that other guys will hit on you. He might tolerate hearing about it, but I can guarantee he doesn't like it.

WHAT PURPOSE DOES IT SERVE?

 

Do you want him to tell you about all the girls who make eyes at him or who linger in conversation because they're waiting for him to ask for her number? Does he tell you about the girls he could have picked up on but didn't because of you? NO!!!

 

sorry if I seem harsh but this is one of things girls do that just pisses me off. Just admit it, you like the attention and you want him to know that he always has competition.

 

Generally speaking, it really doesn't "bother" my bf that guys hit on me. It's not like they attack me in droves. It happens here and there, and when it does, I tell him. Usually the stuff I tell him is related to the past (i.e. this guy friend liked me, he'll be at this event)...that sort of thing. But even when I do tell him about some random guy, he really doesn't get upset over it. If anything, he's interested in hearing about it. I guess he's the exception.

 

And I must be the exception too, because I love hearing about him getting checked out. It's not like he's dating them or wants to get with them. It's nice to know that he gets his share of looks...I don't see the problem.

 

I sincerely do not tell him such things to remind him that he has competition. He is well aware that there is NO competition. For me, it's about sharing my day with my bf. I certainly don't view it as competition when he tells me some girl checked him out. If anything, I ask him if she's hot.

 

You shouldn't generalize so much...

[Phateless]

Well that's different if it's someone we already know likes you, I like her to tell me that stuff. And it only made me jealous when I realized that was liking it one time. I know she gets hit on and I don't care unless it's in front of me. It's different if she's all "I was talking to this guy at the bus station and we had this interesting convo about......"

 

but when it's like "so this guy tried to hit on me today and..." unless it's funny, i don't particularly want to hear about it. Oh, and if I talked about other girls, even if I didn't mention at all that I thought they liked me, she would get jealous.

[Ocean-Blue]

Well that's different if it's someone we already know likes you, I like her to tell me that stuff. And it only made me jealous when I realized that was liking it one time. I know she gets hit on and I don't care unless it's in front of me. It's different if she's all "I was talking to this guy at the bus station and we had this interesting convo about......"

 

but when it's like "so this guy tried to hit on me today and..." unless it's funny, i don't particularly want to hear about it. Oh, and if I talked about other girls, even if I didn't mention at all that I thought they liked me, she would get jealous.

 

Your post is a little confusing. So you're talking about two people who are just starting to get to know each other. In which case, such mentions of getting hit on are merely to boast?

[Phateless]

Your post is a little confusing. So you're talking about two people who are just starting to get to know each other. In which case, such mentions of getting hit on are merely to boast?

 

No I'm talking about my ex and I who were together for 5 years. If she was telling me about someone she met and the interesting conversation that's one thing, but telling me about guys specifically for the purpose of letting me know she was hit on that day.... I just don't see the point.

[Ocean-Blue]

No I'm talking about my ex and I who were together for 5 years. If she was telling me about someone she met and the interesting conversation that's one thing, but telling me about guys specifically for the purpose of letting me know she was hit on that day.... I just don't see the point.

 

I don't understand why that should irk you as much as it does. UNLESS you two had a history of jealousy and insecurity. For example, she had a history of attention seeking behaviour. Otherwise, I don't see the problem.

 

Like I said, some couples like sharing stories about their day. Maybe b/c I'm in a LDR, I feel the need to tell my bf all about my day...which includes possibly getting hit on (or stared at)...but that's all it is, a review of my day.

 

Usually, these things become an issue because there is a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with.

[Phateless]

I don't understand why that should irk you as much as it does. UNLESS you two had a history of jealousy and insecurity. For example, she had a history of attention seeking behaviour. Otherwise, I don't see the problem.

 

Like I said, some couples like sharing stories about their day. Maybe b/c I'm in a LDR, I feel the need to tell my bf all about my day...which includes possibly getting hit on (or stared at)...but that's all it is, a review of my day.

 

Usually, these things become an issue because there is a deeper issue that needs to be dealt with.

 

It just seems like an irrelevant detail whose only function could be to provoke jealousy. Unless it's an extremely significant event... and if it was, why would that be? You see where I'm going with this? I'm not a jealous guy, nor insecure, and I'm all for sharing stories about my day, but I just don't see the reason to mention it every time it happens. I like hearing about my girl's day, but I just don't see the point of including details like that. Do you tell your bf every single detail of your whole day? No, you omit certain things that are either boring or irrelevant. Well if being hit on is neither boring nor irrelevant to you, why is that?

 

My point? You're telling him that detail of your day for a specific reason, not simply because it happened. I don't even tell my best friend Milena about every girl's number that I get because it happens often enough that I know she's not interested in every one, nor is it relevant.

[Ocean-Blue]

It just seems like an irrelevant detail whose only function could be to provoke jealousy. Unless it's an extremely significant event... and if it was, why would that be? You see where I'm going with this? I'm not a jealous guy, nor insecure, and I'm all for sharing stories about my day, but I just don't see the reason to mention it every time it happens. I like hearing about my girl's day, but I just don't see the point of including details like that. Do you tell your bf every single detail of your whole day? No, you omit certain things that are either boring or irrelevant. Well if being hit on is neither boring nor irrelevant to you, why is that?

 

My point? You're telling him that detail of your day for a specific reason, not simply because it happened. I don't even tell my best friend Milena about every girl's number that I get because it happens often enough that I know she's not interested in every one, nor is it relevant.

 

I'm a student. I live in an apartment full of grad students. I rarely venture out anywhere. So when a guy looks my way, I notice and tell my bf b/c it caught my attention. That is all. Now if I was ALWAYS getting hit on, then I'd probably not tell him every time, because it would start to get boring.

 

Sigh...if only we were all so beautiful.

[Phateless]

I'm a student. I live in an apartment full of grad students. I rarely venture out anywhere. So when a guy looks my way, I notice and tell my bf b/c it caught my attention. That is all. Now if I was ALWAYS getting hit on, then I'd probably not tell him every time, because it would start to get boring.

 

Sigh...if only we were all so beautiful.

 

lol, i know what you mean. Originally, her telling me this started as "i love you and i want to be as faithful and truthful as possible" and i really appreciated that, i thought it was sweet. If that's what you're describing it's fine. I met a girl at salsa lessons who wouldn't dance closed position because she was trying to be committed to her boyfriend and I admire her for that. Same thing.

 

After a while, I just didn't think it was relevant. She's not being unfaithful to me by getting hit on. She's a pretty girl and it happens. After 5 years, it was boring to hear about it again, especially when I told her she didn't need to mention it.

 

What I want to know is, why did it catch your attention? Sounds like it was a small ego boost to you, as it would be to anyone... is that why you're telling him? I love it when I get hit on, and sometimes I tell my friends, but usually I just enjoy it for the ego boost that it is.

 

You still haven't told me why you think it's worth telling him, or why it catches your attention, you only keep telling me that it does.

 

I'm not trying to flame you, I'm just trying to boil this down to what's REALLY going on.

[Ocean-Blue]

lol, i know what you mean. Originally, her telling me this started as "i love you and i want to be as faithful and truthful as possible" and i really appreciated that, i thought it was sweet. If that's what you're describing it's fine. After a while, I just didn't think it was relevant. She's not being unfaithful to me by getting hit on. She's a pretty girl and it happens. After 5 years, it was boring to hear about it again, especially when I told her she didn't need to mention it.

 

What I want to know is, why did it catch your attention? Sounds like it was a small ego boost to you, as it would be to anyone... is that why you're telling him? I love it when I get hit on, and sometimes I tell my friends, but usually I just enjoy it for the ego boost that it is.

 

You still haven't told me why you think it's worth telling him, or why it catches your attention, you only keep telling me that it does.

 

I'm not trying to flame you, I'm just trying to boil this down to what's REALLY going on.

 

Hey, I like an ego boost just as much as the next girl. I guess for me, it's sharing my excitement with my bf. In some ways, I treat him like I would treat a gf. Actually, I wouldn't go around blabbing to my gfs about getting hit on...for whatever reason, women react much differently I find. There are a few gfs with whom I'd share such stuff (b/c they're cool about it).

 

What do I tell my bf? Like I said, it's exciting. I also tell him other trivial stuff, like what the lady at some store told me or what the guy who was sitting next to me did... I'm weird like that. I've always been very descriptive about my day. Don't get me wrong, I don't do this ALL THE TIME. But if he and I are chatting, I tend to narrate quite a bit and he loves listening to it (one of the things he likes about me, he says).

 

And why does it catch my attention? Well, it's nice to be noticed, no? Sometimes it's unwanted attention (like if he were staring at a particular part of your body) or if the pick up line is delivered in a particularly lewd manner...but on the whole, it's just "nice". Simple as that.

 

Is that clear?

[Phateless]

Yeah that's clear, and that's what I was getting at all along, is that you're sharing the excitement of the ego boost with your bf. Maybe he's excited that his gf is so pretty that she gets hit on by other guys and she's with only him. That's how it was for me too at first. After awhile, how much she obviously liked the attention made me a little nervous. Most guys don't like to watch or think about their girl being hit on by another guy, especially if she seems into it. Why don't you ask him point-blank if he sometimes gets jealous when you talk about being hit on? His answer might surprise you...

[Ocean-Blue]

Yeah that's clear, and that's what I was getting at all along, is that you're sharing the excitement of the ego boost with your bf. Maybe he's excited that his gf is so pretty that she gets hit on by other guys and she's with only him. That's how it was for me too at first. After awhile, how much she obviously liked the attention made me a little nervous. Most guys don't like to watch or think about their girl being hit on by another guy, especially if she seems into it. Why don't you ask him point-blank if he sometimes gets jealous when you talk about being hit on? His answer might surprise you...

 

Being the pest that I am, I've already asked him that.

 

And his answer "hell no". That may be a bit hard to believe...but knowing him as well as I do, I believe him. He's the kind of guy that doesn't mind it when I go out with my gfs to a club and end up dancing with a guy. So long as there is no real touching, he's cool with it. The one time he did get "weird" was when he saw a pic from a friend's bachelorette party where I was dancing with some guy at a club and our hands were intertwined. He told me that was a bit surprising (he found it to be a little too intimate). Other than that, I can honestly say the guy has never gotten jealous. I'm really trying to think of another time...but I can't come up with anything.

 

My point is that he really doesn't mind. Any attention I get/have gotten, he thinks is a testament to my hotness or whatever. He is proud of it even.

 

But again, remember, I'm not one of those girls that gets hit on every time she leaves the house. It doesn't happen on a regular day (I wake up, go to class, home home). Only occurs when I go out to a club or something...which I haven't done in a long time.