spooty Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 my bf of 5 years was mia for the weekend.then when we came back to college, from being with our families over the weekend, i couldn't contact him until monday night (usually we talk or hang out sunday night). i call and im him a few times, and now monday night he calls back and is flustered because he has relatives that were arrested in pakistan. now to the point, i was worried about him. he has some health problems and will disappear to the hospital once or twice a year, so i was just worried and called! though when he called back he was very short with me like i should have know exactly what was going on and i should have left him alone. he also seems to resent when i don't understand how he feels or what he's going through, but doesn't like to clue me in. and he also thinks i'm checking up on him, though i only "Check up" when i think he's sick or something is really wrong! he has a lot of pride and i wish that he would let himself lean on me (or anyone) when problems come up, instead of acting like it's nothing or that he has to take time out of his life to maintain me. when he called back he said why he was missing, then he talked about mundane stuff with me to "act normal" (his words). so frankly i don't know what i should do. i know he wants to deal with things on his own, but i wish i could support him somehow. all i can think to do is cook to make sure he eats! he's not the type to spill feelings or cuddle when he's stressed, so how else could i show him i'm there if he needs me and be a supporting girlfriend while giving him the time and space he needs to deal with his family issues?
jcster Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 so how else could i show him i'm there if he needs me and be a supporting girlfriend while giving him the time and space he needs to deal with his family issues? You just said it yourself! Tell him that you are there if he needs you, and that you care what he and his family are going through. Then, give him some space - don't get mad if he disappears for a couple of days. It's ok to call and check in on him, but don't give him the 3rd degree. You could offer to cook him dinner and watch some tv. He wasn't insulting you when he mentioned talking to you to "act normal." When your life is chaotic or stressful -normal is a fabulous thing to experience. Don't feel put down because he comes to you for normality - it's a complement.
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