BetrayedMM Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Well, to make a(very) long story short, I caught my wife cheating...again... and she's giving me the old "just friends" line... again... I asked her if she's willing to take a polygraph, and she said yes. I have more evidence on her than they had on OJ! I can't for the life of me imagine how she could pass one, or why she would agree to it. Any thoughts?
whichwayisup Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 If you actually have the evidence and you've caught her again, why bother? Oh, just to let you know, you're a betrayed husband (or betrayed spouse) not a betrayedMM. MM means you're a MM cheating on your spouse.. Anyway, if you are prepared to go through with it, do it but it seems you know the truth - Unless you're looking to prove a point to her.
Bryanp Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I think she is calling your bluff. What are her options? 1) she says no and you will know for sure. 2) she says yes. She probably feels if she said yes then you would not pursue the polygraph. 3) she says yes and hopes the results are inconclusive. Many times right up to the point of taking the polygraph they will then admit it. The fact that she has cheated on you previously begs the question what do you want to do. You have forgiven her and she probably perceived it as a sign of weakness on your part and felt she could get away with it again. She probably thinks you were foolish enough to accept it the first time so why not a second time? She apparently has little respect for you and your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
Author BetrayedMM Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Oh, just to let you know, you're a betrayed husband (or betrayed spouse) not a betrayedMM. MM means you're a MM cheating on your spouse.. Aw crap, I can't edit my handle... Anyway, Thanks for the replies... I'm not sure exactly what I want to do just yet... I'd like to save the marriage if possible, but that won't happen without trust, and that hinges on truth. I've built a life around this woman and our kids... and as sick and disgusted as I am with her, I love her. Go figure. Maybe I have no self respect... maybe I need to 'man up' , get a goddamn divorce, and learn to live without love (after all, who CAN you trust?) Yeah, I think she's calling my bluff... she has a LOT to lose if this gets out, I've told nobody but you guys yet... but, if she admits the truth and I don't forgive her this time, well... she loses a whole lot more than just me. So that's the pattern? fess up just before taking the test? I really don't know much about these things... But, I'm not bluffing. If nothing else, I'll just have further proof of adultery come court time, and I guess it won't hurt to have overwhelming evidence... But, I'd rather not get a divorce... if possible... I guess what I want is for her to be honest. Maybe that's just dreaming...
Author BetrayedMM Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Oh, I forgot to add the ONLY reason I didn't end it immediately- when I confronted her with overwhelming evidence, she IMMEDIATELY ended all contact with him without my even needing to suggest it. And, yes, I have the means to discover any contact... However, it appears the A was just sorta petering out on its own anyway, so I'm not sure how much credit I should give her for that... I can't prove that... but she did say she'd been wanting to end their secret 'friendship' for quite a while, because it was 'wrong'. Yeah, I know, if it's just a friendship, what's wrong with that, and why a secret? Bah...
Cobra_X30 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Well, what kind of evidence do you have at this point? I dont think many courts take polygraph tests as evidence. I could be wrong. And you said this is the second time... and you have kids? Maybe you should put the hurt on her this time. Some poeple only respect consequences!
Ocean-Blue Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Well, to make a(very) long story short, I caught my wife cheating...again... and she's giving me the old "just friends" line... again... I asked her if she's willing to take a polygraph, and she said yes. I have more evidence on her than they had on OJ! I can't for the life of me imagine how she could pass one, or why she would agree to it. Any thoughts? If you have "evidence", why the need for a polygraph? If you have conclusive proof that she has engaged in adultery, why not just hit her with all of that and see what she says? Or do you want to see her sweat and squirm?
Author BetrayedMM Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I dont think many courts take polygraph tests as evidence. I could be wrong.I have heard that about criminal cases... I'm not sure about civil cases, where the preponderance of evidence wins out, as opposed to the "beyond a reasonable doubt" of criminal conviction requirements... I guess I'll find out if and when I talk to a lawyer. As I said before, I did confront her with overwhelming evidence. She tried to lie and squirm for a few minutes, until it became obvious that denying a relationship at all was insane- hundreds of phone calls and thousands of text messages within 6 months establish a relationship. What she's still denying is the nature of the relationship, and frankly, I don't have the patience to keep playing 20 questions until she eventually admits the truth. A polygraph would clear that up, and then I can get on with things(still not sure which direction to go). Forcing the truth out does nothing to help me rebuild trust, but the truth is reality and I need a reality check for sure after being gaslighted for so long. The gaslighting has made me seriously doubt my own sanity and observations... I want to believe her, but I can't.
Author BetrayedMM Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 And you said this is the second time... and you have kids? I hear ya... but the kids are the same race as we are, and the A was after they were born, so...
LifesontheUp Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I have heard that about criminal cases... I'm not sure about civil cases, where the preponderance of evidence wins out, as opposed to the "beyond a reasonable doubt" of criminal conviction requirements... I guess I'll find out if and when I talk to a lawyer. As I said before, I did confront her with overwhelming evidence. She tried to lie and squirm for a few minutes, until it became obvious that denying a relationship at all was insane- hundreds of phone calls and thousands of text messages within 6 months establish a relationship. What she's still denying is the nature of the relationship, and frankly, I don't have the patience to keep playing 20 questions until she eventually admits the truth. A polygraph would clear that up, and then I can get on with things(still not sure which direction to go). Forcing the truth out does nothing to help me rebuild trust, but the truth is reality and I need a reality check for sure after being gaslighted for so long. The gaslighting has made me seriously doubt my own sanity and observations... I want to believe her, but I can't. So she cheated again and is trying to get away with the same lies. Its obvious she never felt the consequences the first time so felt free to do it again. Where does it stop? Do you want continue through life like this, finding affair after affair? She's disrespectful to you and of course she's a liar. I'm all for giving people chances but there comes a point when enough is enough. The saying fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me springs to mind. When is it enough for you?
LifesontheUp Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Oh, I forgot to add the ONLY reason I didn't end it immediately- when I confronted her with overwhelming evidence, she IMMEDIATELY ended all contact with him without my even needing to suggest it. And, yes, I have the means to discover any contact... However, it appears the A was just sorta petering out on its own anyway, so I'm not sure how much credit I should give her for that... I can't prove that... but she did say she'd been wanting to end their secret 'friendship' for quite a while, because it was 'wrong'. Yeah, I know, if it's just a friendship, what's wrong with that, and why a secret? Bah... Sorry, don't want to make it worse but this isn't your wifes first affair and she could already be onto the next. Who knows? Whats to stop her? You finding out about the first one never did! She needs to feel the consequences of her actions. At the very least counselling is needed. and YOU DERSERVE BETTER THAN THIS
seibert253 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 If she's cheated before, this is the 2nd go around and she continues to lie, I can't understand why this is even an issue. She should be out the door looking for another place to live, and served with divorce papers. Clean out your checking and savings accounts, then give her the boot. You deserve better.
reboot Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Yeah, I can't imagine a 3rd chance. A lot of people here feel that a 2nd chance is too much, but I can't go along with that, mainly because I gave mine a 2nd chance. But that's the only one she gets. You have bigger cojones than me if you can do it a second time around.
Lyssa Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Giving her another chance will only show her that she can do it to you again - after a few months of keeping it low between her and OM. I don't think it's a good idea to give her another chance. Not after all these evidence that you have.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I hear ya... but the kids are the same race as we are, and the A was after they were born, so... LOL... I wasnt questioning the paternity of your children... sorry if it came across like that. There is a time for diplomacy and talking, and then there is a time for action. Sometimes you just have to punch them in the face. (metaphore)
reboot Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Sometimes you just have to punch them in the face.Please don't give me any ideas.
bish Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Well, to make a(very) long story short, I caught my wife cheating...again... and she's giving me the old "just friends" line... again... I asked her if she's willing to take a polygraph, and she said yes. I have more evidence on her than they had on OJ! I can't for the life of me imagine how she could pass one, or why she would agree to it. Any thoughts? She is probably calling your bluff thinking you won't actually make her take a poly. So....have one done.
Cobra_X30 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Please don't give me any ideas. LOL... I'm just going to share with you briefly that I DID punch him in the face, and I spent a night in jail for it. Best night of my life! Dad bailed me out, and OM dropped the charges. I was 16.
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