sstc123 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Hi, I've got some questions and need some advice.. Background: I'm in my mid 20's and never had a girlfriend. I'm a good but quiet guy and am a little introverted but it depends on the person I'm talking to. If they're really quiet, then I don't talk much and if they're outgoing I'm more outgoing too. I go to the bank on most weekdays to make deposits for work and I met a teller a few months ago that I'm interested in. She's friendly, outgoing, nice and has an amazing personality plus she's very pretty too. Unfortunately, she only works part-time and is only there 2 days a week and since she's not the only teller there I'd say we only get to talk to each other an average of 2 or 3 times a month. Situation: I realized it's going to take too long to get to know her based on the 20 minutes or so I get to talk to her each month so I decided I couldn't wait any more. I figured IF she's single and I patiently try to get to know her, someone else that works at the bank could ask her out since they spend more time interacting with her than I could and I'd be out of luck. If she does have a boyfriend, then at least she knows I'm interested and at least I won't have any regrets. So a few days ago, I was at her counter and only a few people were around so I told her there was a question I wanted to ask her and wrote her a note asking her if she'd like to go out for coffee sometime. I told her I didn't want to put her on the spot so maybe she could give me an answer next time we saw each other. Just then her supervisor started approaching and she hid the note under the keyboard and we said good bye to each other and I left. I know I should have asked her verbally but I didn't want to get her into trouble at work or embarass her and there wasn't a good time to ask her privately since it would have had to be after she gets off work and it would seem like I'm stalking her. I was at her counter again today and I could sense a bit of awkwardness but we both tried to act normally. It was really busy and the bank was full of people. When she was finished I paused a little bit and she asked if there was anything more. I hesitated a bit thinking maybe she would give me an answer or a note but when there wasn't I said "No" and she said "I'll see you Friday". So that's the story so far... Questions: What do you think of her reaction and will she give me an answer? I didn't want it to be a big deal or make her feel awkward. So what should I do? What should I have done differently? I'm thinking she's going to say no on friday. Which is disappointing but not the end of the world. If she says no then I'd like to tell her I wish I had a chance to get to know her cuz she's friendly & has a great personality but that's the way it is sometimes and at least I won't have any regrets. Should I do this? If she says yes then how do I ask her for her # without getting her into trouble at work? Sorry for the long post & thanks for bearing with me.
jcster Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 You should mention the note to her and see if she wants to go out. She might just be wondering when you were going to bring it up again.
brothermartin Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 This is so wierd! I gave a guy I know the same advice about making a move on a girl at a bank! He didnt do it, but I think the move was sound. I say go back one more time and ask her something like, "Do you remember that deposit I made last week? Have you looked into that for me?" That way it sounds like business, she wot get into trouble, and her answer will tell you what you need to know.
Author sstc123 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I think my post is too long so here's the quick version: I'm interested in a bank teller so I finally took a chance and wrote her a note asking if she'd like to go out for coffee sometime. As I gave her the note, I told her I didn't want to put her on the spot so she could give me an answer next time we saw each other. I was at her counter yesterday and I could sense a bit of awkwardness. When she was finished I paused a little bit and she asked if there was anything more. I hesitated a bit thinking maybe she would give me an answer or a note but when there wasn't, I said "No" and she said "I'll see you Friday". So is this a bad sign or was she worried about getting into trouble at work? It's probably awkward for her at work with other co-workers and customers there so should I give her my email or # so she can give me an answer in private or should I mention the note and see if I get an answer?
heatherd1201 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I agree with brothermartin! She might feel awkward if you just come out and say something pertaining to a date at her work. I would. Also, She may seem friendly to you, but that might be her "bank" personality. I worked reception at a car dealership and was very friendly with people who came in, but quite shy in my everyday life. Not trying to say that she was just being friendly to you and not interested....what i am saying is that you probably shouldnt wait for her to bring it up because she might be to shy to. I give you major kudos for having the guts to ask out a (somewhat) stranger like that! Good luck!!!
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 You should mention the note to her and see if she wants to go out. She might just be wondering when you were going to bring it up again. I agree with Jcster. I think she is waiting for you to bring it up again, since you made the first move. Ask her again on Friday and you will probably know your outcome.
Author sstc123 Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Thanks for the comments and suggestions everyone! I think she's more outgoing than I am but I hope it's because of the situation. For the girls out there, if something similar happened to you and you were interested, wouldn't you answer him the next time you saw him or would you wait for him to mention it?
BeautifulMusic Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 When she was finished I paused a little bit and she asked if there was anything more. Do you think when she said this, she could have been inviting you to bring it up again? I think, more than anything, it's an awkward situation for her, with work and everything. That doesn't mean she's not interested, but it might make her shy to bring it up again, even if she might normally be outgoing! Having already asked her out, you have nothing to lose at this point by bringing it back up. Why not?
Trimmer Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 I didn't want it to be a big deal or make her feel awkward. So what should I do? What should I have done differently? You know, I'm all for the "don't make them feel awkward" thing too, but I realize that I was overdoing it, and sending out "reject me" signals. I would say stuff like "if you don't want to, that's OK..." If she really doesn't want to, she won't, and she'll tell you. But don't pave the way for her to reject you. Go in there with confidence, still respecting that you should keep it on the down-low, but I agree with BeautifulMusic: Do you think when she said this [she asked if there was anything more] she could have been inviting you to bring it up again? That would have been the perfect time! She may think that you have chickened out, so just bring it up again with quiet confidence. If she says no, she says no, but you'll never know if you don't ask. I'm thinking she's going to say no on friday. Which is disappointing but not the end of the world. If she says no then I'd like to tell her I wish I had a chance to get to know her cuz she's friendly & has a great personality but that's the way it is sometimes and at least I won't have any regrets. Should I do this? I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'd leave this out... Be gracious and kind, etc. but don't go on about all that - if you are concerned about making her feel awkward, that might do it... If she says no, right at that moment, tell yourself in your head, 'bank policy - she's not allowed to..." just to keep from sinking, then give her your best, kindest, sparkling smile, make eye contact, and say: "Well, I'm glad I asked..." Confidence, but not arrogance... If she says yes then how do I ask her for her # without getting her into trouble at work? "I don't want to get you into trouble around here - how can we link up?" Maybe she'll offer her number, maybe she'll ask for yours (have it ready on a business card or something you can slip her.) Having already asked her out, you have nothing to lose at this point by bringing it back up. Why not? Yeah, you've already put yourself out there. Now just do the followup! I say go back one more time and ask her something like, "Do you remember that deposit I made last week? Have you looked into that for me?" That way it sounds like business, she wot get into trouble, and her answer will tell you what you need to know. Ack - be careful with this, though. If you aren't being overheard, then you might as well just be quiet and direct. Remember that bank procedures for handling money and financial information are pretty strict, and if someone is listening, then this might be something she is not authorized or trained to do. They might confront her later: "Why did you offer to check on a deposit? That's not procedure..." You could actually put her in a more awkward position this way... If you really need to put it into code, how about "Do you remember that question I asked last week?" That makes it general enough that she still has "plausible deniability" if anyone hears it... We're rooting for you! Keep us posted.
Author sstc123 Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 Do you think when she said this, she could have been inviting you to bring it up again? I think, more than anything, it's an awkward situation for her, with work and everything. That doesn't mean she's not interested, but it might make her shy to bring it up again, even if she might normally be outgoing! Having already asked her out, you have nothing to lose at this point by bringing it back up. Why not? Now that you guys mention it, maybe, but it was quite busy and quite a few people were still in line that day so I think it was more likely because of my pause. That would have been the perfect time! She may think that you have chickened out, so just bring it up again with quiet confidence. If she says no, she says no, but you'll never know if you don't ask. You guys are right, that was a good time to bring it up but there were so many people there at the time...plus I wasn't sure how to bring it up discreetly If she says no, right at that moment, tell yourself in your head, 'bank policy - she's not allowed to..." just to keep from sinking, then give her your best, kindest, sparkling smile, make eye contact, and say: "Well, I'm glad I asked..." Confidence, but not arrogance... Do you mean in this context: "Well, I'm glad I asked because I would have really regretted it if I didn't." Ok! I'm going to go for it. But what do I do if I get another teller? Should I let the person/people behind me go ahead until she's free? Or just say to the other free tellers I have a question for the particular teller? Thanks for all the suggestions! I really appreciate it!
latefragment Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 why not go at an "off-time" like at 11 am or 2 in the afternoon, and/or just slip her your # or email address... ???
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