Twirley Girl Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Its bad news guys. This man has been my best friend, my biggest supporter, my biggest challenger and my greatest companion for the last three years. We have shared every aspect of our lives together. We have done everything together. True, there has been no commitment and we have both dating others here and there but noone else ever measured up. Of course, he lives three doors down from me on my block, so he is also a convenient friendship. We do our errands together, we cook together, we eat together and we see each other 5-6 times a week. I have recently chosen (finally) to accept that he isn't interested in dating me because he has started dating the woman who lives across the street from me. And I am a mess. It has been a month and my stomach is in knots. I don't like seeing them together, I don't like forcing myself no to look out the window. I don't like feeling trapped in my own home behind the closed curtains. But what makes it worse is him telling me how terrible it is not to talk to me. He tells me that the whole "shutting him out" thing (me inserting space so I can grieve him) is torture and he hates ending the day without hearing my voice and when I do see him he hangs on to me so hard. He clings to me. So I just need to help myself return to this strong woman that I know I am . And I need to figure out how I can maintain any relationship with this man who tells me with every breath that he both cannot stand not having me in his life, but who is not interested in having me there forever. Any great ideas?
Ursula Coyote Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I absolutely, 100%, unequivocally feel your pain. This is almost the exact position I am in and I’m being torn apart. How can someone ‘say’ that they care so much about you, but then turn around and sleep with someone else? If you have any coping strategies that I don’t know about then I would love to hear them. All I can think of is that they just don’t know what a good thing they have in front of them. UC
Ashbash11 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Yes! I am in the same situation. My best friend, lives 10 minutes away, we do everything together.. have an amazing connection. BUT, he's not interested in dating me/having a relationship with me. It really hurts, doesn't it? I don't think there's an easy solution to this one, because some people might say "just stop talking to him, cut off the friendship, etc" but it's a bit more complicated than that, I think. I would have to say, the only solution I see is if you meet someone new and start dating them, just like he's doing. OR, tell him how you feel. Have you done this yet? Nothing may come of it, but there's always a slight possibility that the feelings will be returned.
Ursula Coyote Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 In my situation he says he has too much baggage and doesn't want to expose me to it. All I want to say is "I don't care, can't we try anyway"? I have to agree with the idea of finding a new partner and dating.....but for me that's not easy. I don't find that I like enough men to want to have a relationship with them. It can be years in between relationships for me. I don't look forward getting back out there and looking again.....especially when there is something right in front of me.
kirby89 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Suprise! another person who is in a VERY similar situation! I HIGHLY suggest doing this. talk to him! Tell him how you feel! Find out how he feels for you. Even if he doesnt feel the same way, it feels SOOO good just to know and get it off your chest! I did it and it helped me cope SO much! Just be sure to make it clear that you really want to stay friends. If you do, i promise that you will feel better. If your friendship is as good as you make it seem, this cant end badly! trust me on this!
Timberlane Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 I'm very sorry to hear about your story. My closest friend in town is a very attractive woman. We do a lot of things together as well. But in our case, we actively encourage each other to date. She's the best wing(man) I've ever had when I go out. Ha ha ha. We really aren't attracted to each other and this makes the friendship much stronger. It sounds like you really had more than a friendship there. Do talk to him and let him know about your feelings. You may have to cut down on some of the things you do together. Again, sorry this is hurting so much. I know what it's like to not be able to be close to someone in your life in the way you would like.
Author Twirley Girl Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Thank you so much guys! It really is nice to know I'm not alone. You're right, its hard when people say "just stop talking to him!" because it isn't like a normal dating relationship where I've been wronged and need to go in search of happiness. He is my go to guy. He is my first call, the keeper of my secrets and my greatest companion. We talk every day, even if its him calling before bed to say "Sweet Dreams". The worst thing he has ever done has been to not love me enough to want to date me. And this was never a surprise. He was always honest with me so I know that me choosing to ignore those words (when his actions were opposite) meant that I brought this on myself. This does not make it easier. Yes, I have told him how I feel. And I sobbed all the way through it. I was sitting on the steps inside my house and he was standing in front of me. This man who was squeezing my hand to be supportive soon started sobbing and let his tears just fall down on me. He knows I'm in love with him. He knows I really just want to be with him forever. And this man who is not one to process such information quickly just clung to me. But somehow this didn't spook him at all. He called me the very next day to tell me he was grilling steak for us and when would I be home from work? I tell him I'm surprised he called and he says "Why? Friends are forever!" I don't want to make excuses and I don't want to be that stupid girl who just sees PAIN at her doorstep and says "Sure, I can handle some more, come on in!" But I am totally that girl right now. And I really hate it because I am totally stronger than this. I know I am. Really, really deep down.
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