Mary3 Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I have a friend who met a guy. On the first date they hit it off. After the first date he was telling her she was the one he could spend the rest of his life with. On the second date he discussed her moving in with him. He is really into her. My question . Is this way too fast ? Shouldn't they get to know eachother before moving in ?
amaysngrace Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I'd say if the love is true then it will be there a month from now, three months from now, or six. Why rush? It's nice to have someone so into you but it shouldn't cloud your judgment. What if he has a criminal past? She barely knows this guy. What's wrong with your friend?
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Way way too fast, have been in similar situation but mine was about 3weeks in, I didn't see the red flags at the time its only since we split and reading so much about situations like this I understand alot of the time, its because of one or more of these reasons 1. Rebound 2. Insecurity 3. Cannot bare to be alone/single 4. Is a messer I think your friend should tell him, that he should not be thinking this way and its way too soon and back off and get too know each other. What does he know about her from one date? not much certainly not enough to consider moving in and spending the rest of their lives with your friend. I'm sure she is lovely but there are red flags here she needs to be careful of and not be totally taken in by them, as "sigh" I was.
Author Mary3 Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 I'd say if the love is true then it will be there a month from now, three months from now, or six. Why rush? It's nice to have someone so into you but it shouldn't cloud your judgment. What if he has a criminal past? She barely knows this guy. What's wrong with your friend? I think my friend is one of the those Romantic kind of girls. She gets swooned easily. I told her he is moving too fast. I told her when he makes a step forward to just slow him down. I told her I did not want her to get hurt. This happened to me 3 years ago. Everything was very fast. Then marraige question popped up ! I learned a valuable lesson from that....Nice and Slowwwwwwww is how you get to know someone.
pollywag Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Dear Mary, Unless you are the "timing police", in which case you should have a booklet filled with ticket infractions to hand out to all those who commit poor timing acts, you really can't expect everyone to display the same rules for themselves when it comes to their personal relationships. As a general rule yes you are correct that getting to know someone slowly is better than jumping into things, but some relationships have been known to work out even at hyper speed. Everyone is different and you should let your friend find out what is best for her in her own way even if it means she might be dissapointed in the end. Sometimes people have to hit a wall in order to learn a lesson, and no matter how much we warn others not to do something they will do things their own way anyway. Other times people hit their heads on the wall just for kicks, like Sister Hertrudis we always find her hitting her head on the wall and talking to herself....I suppose she's not well.
Author Mary3 Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I just want you to know that I don't tell her all my feelings about this. Thats why I came to the forum. You are right poly that she needs to make her own decisions. The only real comment I made was *wow this is happening fast to her and that I dont want her to get hurt . They after one week are talking children and marraige. I hope that everything works out for her. I only make these comments because I had a guy after 2 weeks talking love and marraige and then later he broke my heart. Very painful to rush so fast because its hurts even more. Now I take my time with men
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 But to be fair Mary, I would hope my friend would be able to come to me and say hun I think this is way too quick etc etc, I would listen to what my friend has to say and take it into consideration even if still went with what I thought. (and being totally honest with you this is exactly what happened my lovely best friend, told me to leave my ex etc etc flagged up warning signs that I could not see for my lovey dovey vision at the time) Boy wish I had listened more to her now and taken her sensible advice, because I was the one dumped because of commitement issues, all sorts of things and he was the one talking love, marriage, babies within 3 weeks remember. So not that disimilar situation. It caused me a lot of heartbreak in the end.
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