Meaplus3 Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 answerplease37 - My wife and I have had many a sleepless night arguing about this issue...in those conversations she has repeatedly told me that there is nothing to worry about...I believe her I do, however, question the happiness of the other guy...he is always grumpy and I have a hunch that my wife, who is outgoing, has been unknowingly stroking his ego by trying to be one of the guys at the office. I am sure that this guy spends more time at the office than with his family I spoke to my wife on the phone a minute ago and told her that I would like for her to turn on the feature within her IMer that records all conversations...she said that she would do it but that it was wierd because the only reason for doing so was because I did not trust her and that she would also feel wierd about me occassioanally checking her computer to see what kind of instant messages had been created in the past week or so...Am I wrong to request this Not sure what to tell you about the IMer, I guess do what you feel is right. AP:)
Desperate HH Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Perhaps you should BOTH read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. She provides great insights into emotional affairs, particularly those that start in the workplace. http://www.shirleyglass.com/bookmain.htm It sounds to me that your wife is not doing anything wrong, and is trying hard to address your concerns. A discussion of the book, and working through some of the excercises, may help you both in communication your feelings and concerns. DHH Excerpt from the book: Seven Tips for Preventing Infidelity Maintain appropriate walls and windows. Keep the windows open at home. Put up privacy walls with others who could threaten your marriage.Recognize that work can be a danger zone. Don't lunch alone or take coffee breaks with the same person all the time. When you travel with a co-worker, meet in public rooms, not in a room with a bed.Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives to your committed relationship. Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you.Protect your marriage by discussing relationship issues at home. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of the marriage. If the friend disparages marriage, respond with something positive about your own relationship.Keep old flames from re-igniting. If a former lover is coming to the class reunion, invite your partner to come along. If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with an old flame.Don't go over the line when you're On-Line with Internet friends. Discuss your online friendships with your partner and show him/her your e-mail if he/she is interested. Invite your partner to join in your correspondence so your Internet friend won't get any wrong ideas. Don't exchange sexual fantasies online.Make sure your social network is supportive of your marriage. Surround yourself with friends who are happily married and who don't believe in fooling around.
Author Mister V Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Wow...thanks for the advice "Desperate HH" FYI...I told my wife that I feel like a part of me has been unearthed (jealousy, mistrust, etc...) which has not seen the light of day since my failed relationships of my high school days (25 yrs ago). Funny thing is my wife is willing to try and do whatever it takes to get my feelings back the way they were before I stumbled accross her instant message conversation history...so she called to let me know that if it makes me feel better to have her IMs recorded then she will do it...and as of now she will be turning the feature on...
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