Starry-eyed Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I am wondering if any other LSers have ever had or dealt with someone else who had an eating disorder. Anyone? I recently came out of denial a little bit about my having an eating disorder. I have an appointment on Tuesday with a (another) counselor and hopefully she can help me with this. My insurance doesn't have any specific eating disorder treatment. About 15 years ago I was anorexic and bulimic for about a year but I got over it. Then, earlier this year I lost weight by restricting calories and being fairly rigid in my eating. I then began to ocassionally purge. Now, for the past two weeks, I've been binging and purging a lot. I'm not exactly sure why it's so out of control right now, but I can guess at some factors. So, I'm just looking for support and to see if anyone else has an eating disorder he/she is dealing with or has had someone close to them who had one and how it affected him/her (the poster). Thanks.
JamesM Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Based on the fact that you have had a lot of changes in your life recently of which the greatest is probably the divorce, I think it is fairly easy to see the causes for your regression. My wife dealt with bulimia during her late teens into her thirties. She seems to have put it behind her for the past ten years or more. Having read quite a few books and having been her listener while she resolved the many issues, yes, I think I can understand what you are going through. She had two counselors, but the last one was the one who seemed to help her the most. And for her, motherhood also was a big factor in helping her see that she was more than her weight and past sex abuse. If I can be of help, I would be glad to try. And based on what I have read here in the past, I know there are other women who can sympathize and empathize with your situation.
Author Starry-eyed Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Gosh, James, thank you so much. Kinda brings a tear to my eye and I'm not kidding! I kinda think that once I started realizing how "easy" it could be to purge again, then it just became an outlet for so many things: lack of control (because so much of eating disorders are about control), insecurity, fear, stress. Before I started throwing up so much, I was trying to not be so rigid in my eating and trying to let myself gain a little weight back so I could be at a "natural" weight for my body. But, gaining a few pounds made me feel fat and unsure of what I wanted to do. Even now, I don't know what to do, to keep restricting my calories or try to eat "normally" or what. I want to be perfect and thin and beautiful for my boyfriend. Is that how your wife felt for you? Was she afraid that you would find her fat and therefore unattractive?
JamesM Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Gosh, James, thank you so much. Kinda brings a tear to my eye and I'm not kidding! I want to be perfect and thin and beautiful for my boyfriend. Is that how your wife felt for you? Was she afraid that you would find her fat and therefore unattractive? You are welcome. Those times WERE full of emotions for both of us. No, her bulimia was directly connected to the fact that she was sexually, physically, and verbally abused for much of her childhood. Shortly before I met her, she had begun to face her demons. So, while we dated these issues were much apart of our lives. It continued for about five or six years of our marriage. Although she had much of her problems resolved, her weight is still a big issue to her. And while I don't think she has become bulimic for the past ten years, I still am a little wary of pushing her when it comes to her weight. It is rare that I make a comment about her weight, and if I do, I try to follow it up with how much I love her. I also have no problem telling her who sexy she looks no matter what her weight is. She knows that I love her as she is, but she also knows that I know that she is happier when she is closer to her ideal weight. I would and could never make weight a condition of love from my side, but I am afraid that she thinks that if she is fat that I will not be as attracted to her. Why? Because SHE does not feel as attractive. And maybe that is the issue that you deal with. Your boyfriend will love your for who you are (if he truly loves you) not for what you look like. But the issue may simply be that if you are not at your ideal weight, you cannot accept his love for you. Something tells you that love is conditional based on weight, maybe? Did your past husband, boyfriends, or even father criticize your weight?
Author Starry-eyed Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Wow, your wife has gone through an awful lot of crap! How wonderful that you guys found each other and that you are so supportive. I still am a little wary of pushing her when it comes to her weight. It is rare that I make a comment about her weight, and if I do, I try to follow it up with how much I love her. I also have no problem telling her who sexy she looks no matter what her weight is. Yeah, that's kinda how my bf is - very wary of making any comments about my size or weight or weight in general. Today I was feeling kinda fat and asked him if he thought I was fat and then asked him if he'd tell me if I started to get fat. He is really hesitant to do that because of how potentially upsetting it could be to me for him to tell me I'm getting too heavy (that is, after all, my fear). Part of me knows that I shouldn't care what he thinks of my weight - it's my body and my life and if he doesn't like it, too bad for him and goodbye. Then another part of me thinks it would be helpful and reassuring for me to know what my window of weight fluctuation is, at least to be attractive to him. If that make any sense. Because SHE does not feel as attractive. And maybe that is the issue that you deal with. Your boyfriend will love your for who you are (if he truly loves you) not for what you look like. But the issue may simply be that if you are not at your ideal weight, you cannot accept his love for you. Something tells you that love is conditional based on weight, maybe? Did your past husband, boyfriends, or even father criticize your weight? Interesting. Yes, it's us, our eating disorder sicknes, that tells us WE are not attractive and therefore cannot believe others would find us so. Do you think your wife is comfortable and relaxed at her current weight? Is it a natural weight for her? I'm kinda scared to try to "find" my natural weight. I know I need to trust my body, but I'm afraid my natural weight will be heavier than I am now and my bf will be repulsed. Looks are important to him and he is naturally very tall and slender and hot. And you're right that I do, inside, believe that attraction/love/desire is based on weight. I got a few negative comments about my weight during my teen years, and I've always wanted to be thin like the girls in movies and magazines. Not blaming the media, just acknowledging a source of input into my sponge-like brain!
amaysngrace Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I am a former anorexic and bulimic. I am over it now, sort of, but I still have a warped body image I'm sure. Some days I feel fat when in reality my clothes still fit fine so how can I be fat? I think the very first thing you need to do is throw away your scale. If you are like me you weigh yourself multiple times a day and it dictates how you feel about yourself. It sets your mood on if you feel worthy or like a piece of crap. Get rid of it. And you will take away it's power. And man does that thing have power. So what method do you use to purge? Puke or correct-alls? Or both?
heatherd1201 Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I am a former anorexic and bulimic. I am over it now, sort of, but I still have a warped body image I'm sure. Some days I feel fat when in reality my clothes still fit fine so how can I be fat? I completely agree with this. I was about 132 pounds and my boyfriend (at the time) told me that he was leaving me for someone skinnier. Now I am about 5'7, so 132 pounds was not bad! I lost approximately 40 pounds in less than a month. I could barely walk, even function. I had dealt with so much abuse in my life that him leaving me for someone thinner just pushed me over the edge. I still "deal" with it now. Im back up to around 140 and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I want to be at at least 115 again. But I am strong enough now to know that 140 is ok, and I dont need to be 115 pounds to be seen as beautiful by my future husband. He loves me exactly the way I am. I try not to look in the mirror too much, and I definitely got rid of the scale. It is something that you have to think about every day. Starry eyed- you are right- eating disorders are to a degree about control. But I have learned that NOT giving in to that again takes even more. Now I control my health in such a positive way. Purging and staying at a certain weight IS control, but before you know it, your eating disorder takes control of you. You are no longer in control. So take the control back and tell youself that you are stronger than that. You are stronger than any negative body image you have of yourself. You are beautiful.
JamesM Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Remember, weight is a number not a look. As an example, my wife is 5 ft 6 inches. The weight that she looks "the best at" in my and her opinion is around 140#. Yet for some/many women this would be fat. For her, she looks good. Now she is around 165#. She thinks this is too much (and I agree). Recently, she joined a health club and is trying to go as often as possible. In the past, when she did this, she lost weight. I am not sure if she is lower than the 165# yet, but she has not changed in size yet...as I see it. Today I was feeling kinda fat and asked him if he thought I was fat and then asked him if he'd tell me if I started to get fat. This is a loaded question for ANY guy...let alone for one who has a gf who is weight conscious. We learn to avoid answering that question. And do you think you could accept it if he told you that you are getting fat? Or would you translate it to mean he is losing his love for you? Truthfully, I am guessing that an honest opinion from him may not be what you want...unless you are completely secure in knowing that he loves you for much more than your looks. Part of me knows that I shouldn't care what he thinks of my weight - it's my body and my life and if he doesn't like it, too bad for him and goodbye. Then another part of me thinks it would be helpful and reassuring for me to know what my window of weight fluctuation is, at least to be attractive to him. Does he tell you that he loves you? Do you believe him? Or is his proclamation of love filtered through your own opinion of yourself? He should be telling you that he loves you often, but if you do not accept his comments about the beauty of your body, then it is you that needs to learn to love yourself first. No amount of reassurance from him will compensate for your insecurity in your own image. Do you think your wife is comfortable and relaxed at her current weight? Is it a natural weight for her? No. No. I know I need to trust my body, but I'm afraid my natural weight will be heavier than I am now and my bf will be repulsed. Looks are important to him and he is naturally very tall and slender and hot. As we age, we can increase weight and lose our "perfect" physique. Love goes much deeper than outward appearance. Will you still love HIM if he gains weight and looks fat? If it is a result of depression and laziness, then you may, but that makes weight a secondary issue. And I am guessing that he also would feel the same. I do not know your age, but in time we all age. Growing old together means loving each other for much more than looks. But if looks are more important to him than personality, then you will need to find someone else who loves you unconditionally. My wife was as high as 217# when she was pregnant (once) with our child. We had four. And with each pregnancy, she gained weight and had to lose it. Should my love for her have gone up and down based on her weight? No, and it did not. Have you gone to counseling for your eating disorder?
amaysngrace Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I think it's important to know that the eating disorder is secondary to a deeper issue. You take it on because some other part of your life is out of balance. It's like the alcoholic who reaches for alcohol for a fix. Most times if you go deeper you will see that there is another issue causing the alcoholic to drink. Eating disorders are the same. They are usually a band aid for a bigger problem. James asks a good question....have you been to counseling?
Author Starry-eyed Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I am a former anorexic and bulimic. I am over it now, sort of, but I still have a warped body image I'm sure. Some days I feel fat when in reality my clothes still fit fine so how can I be fat? I think the very first thing you need to do is throw away your scale. If you are like me you weigh yourself multiple times a day and it dictates how you feel about yourself. It sets your mood on if you feel worthy or like a piece of crap. Get rid of it. And you will take away it's power. And man does that thing have power. So what method do you use to purge? Puke or correct-alls? Or both? Hi amaysngrace, it's nice to know there is another sufferer, or former sufferer, here. I've cut back a lot on weighing myself because you're right, it can totally be a mood-setter. I still want to weigh myself occasionally, though. How did you get over your ED (eating disorder, not erectile dysfunction!)? I still "deal" with it now. Im back up to around 140 and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I want to be at at least 115 again. But I am strong enough now to know that 140 is ok, and I dont need to be 115 pounds to be seen as beautiful by my future husband. He loves me exactly the way I am. I try not to look in the mirror too much, and I definitely got rid of the scale. It is something that you have to think about every day. Starry eyed- you are right- eating disorders are to a degree about control. But I have learned that NOT giving in to that again takes even more. Now I control my health in such a positive way. Purging and staying at a certain weight IS control, but before you know it, your eating disorder takes control of you. You are no longer in control. So take the control back and tell youself that you are stronger than that. You are stronger than any negative body image you have of yourself. You are beautiful. heatherd, that's wonderful that you found someone who loves no matter your outside shape. To know that he accepts you must be reassuring. I can't imagine losing he weight you did in such a rapid manner - yikes! And I know that I really need to take control of my ED before it fully controls me. Thank you for your kind words! And good for you for trying to stay at your body's weight, not the weight you think you should be in your mind. That is what I need to do.
Author Starry-eyed Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Remember, weight is a number not a look. As an example, my wife is 5 ft 6 inches. The weight that she looks "the best at" in my and her opinion is around 140#. Yet for some/many women this would be fat. For her, she looks good. Now she is around 165#. She thinks this is too much (and I agree). Recently, she joined a health club and is trying to go as often as possible. In the past, when she did this, she lost weight. I am not sure if she is lower than the 165# yet, but she has not changed in size yet...as I see it. That's great that you are understanding, and honest, with your wife. I'm sure it helps her to know that you are rooting for her. Good for her, also, for not falling back into old eating disorder habits. Sometimes that can happen when you lose weight. It becomes motivating unto itself to keep losing more and can be very difficult to stop. This is a loaded question for ANY guy...let alone for one who has a gf who is weight conscious. We learn to avoid answering that question. And do you think you could accept it if he told you that you are getting fat? Or would you translate it to mean he is losing his love for you? Truthfully, I am guessing that an honest opinion from him may not be what you want...unless you are completely secure in knowing that he loves you for much more than your looks. Yeah, I know it's a loaded question. It just came out of my mouth! I don't know how I would truly handle an honest opinion from him. I hope that it would just give me information so that I make take whatever course of action I see fit, if any at all. He has already told me that when we first started dating, I was heavier than he liked (he didn't know how whacked out I was about food and weight at that time and now, of course, he wishes he'd never said it!). But if he said, like, "Honey, ummm", well, I can't think of a way to say it but I'm sure he could. He told me that he would tell me if I started to get fat, or too heavy, as long as, until that time, I had to trust that he did not think I was fat. I agreed to that. Does he tell you that he loves you? Do you believe him? Or is his proclamation of love filtered through your own opinion of yourself? He should be telling you that he loves you often, but if you do not accept his comments about the beauty of your body, then it is you that needs to learn to love yourself first. No amount of reassurance from him will compensate for your insecurity in your own image. No, he doesn't tell me he loves me. We've never exchanged those words. However, I believe he cares about me and likes me a lot. Just this past weekend he gave me his spare garage door opener, which is basically the key to his house. But you're right, James, that I have to love myself first and that is where it starts. We cannot rely on others to validate us. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comments and feedback. As we age, we can increase weight and lose our "perfect" physique. Love goes much deeper than outward appearance. Will you still love HIM if he gains weight and looks fat? If it is a result of depression and laziness, then you may, but that makes weight a secondary issue. And I am guessing that he also would feel the same. I do not know your age, but in time we all age. Growing old together means loving each other for much more than looks. But if looks are more important to him than personality, then you will need to find someone else who loves you unconditionally. My wife was as high as 217# when she was pregnant (once) with our child. We had four. And with each pregnancy, she gained weight and had to lose it. Should my love for her have gone up and down based on her weight? No, and it did not. If he became obese, that would probably be a deal-breaker for me since my ex-H was obese and it's just not attractive. But if he was just overweight, or had a belly, that is totally fine. In fact, I like a guy with some meat on him, not skin and bones or with a 6-pack abs - yuck. And, I don't know that we are "in love," so maybe there is more leeway for lack of acceptance from him or from me. I can only imagine what four pregnancies would do to a woman's body! Wow! I sorry that she does not feel relaxed about herself right now. I understand that your love did not go up and down with her weight, but did your attraction to her? Have you gone to counseling for your eating disorder? Almost forgot to answer this! I've been through a lot of counseling this year, and I have an appt tomorrow (Tues) with a counselor that I specifically made for my ED, although it's not an exclusive ED treatment or anything. I have Kaiser insurance and I'm seeing a basic counselor, but hopefully she can help me.
allina Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 My mom was first hospitalized with anorexia when she was 11, at the time she was in very bad shape. Though she is at a survivable weight (I hope) now at 47 she never really recovered. It's pretty hard for me to talk about, I sort of tried on a thread I posted a few months ago but I felt like people didn't get it
Author Starry-eyed Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I'm sorry, allina. That must be very hard on you. Her ED probably really affected your growing up and perhaps even how you view yourself. And for her to be in serious enough crisis to be hospitalized, that would be scary for a child and so disruptive to living. Do you still worry about her? Does she live alone? I live alone and that is partly why my bulimia is in like hyper-mode these past few weeks. When I had an ED before, I lived with my Mom and so didn't have the privacy I have now.
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Allina I'm sorry too. I sometimes think I'm doing an improper job at giving my children a healthy relationship with food because I don't really know what that is. I no longer have an eating disorder per se, but I definitely do have 'disordered eating'. Starry I know what you mean too about the privacy thing. I first became anorexic in my parents' summer house. I was up on the third floor with a bathroom of my very own. I guess I was bulimic too because I ate a salad with no dressing and then threw it up. And after that I decided not to eat for a while. I really think it'd be good for you to talk to someone about this. I went to a psychotherapist who also held a degree in nutrition. She herself once had eating disorders. She is the one who snapped me out of it. She made some very good points and her words somehow scared me into sense. I lapsed a few times here and there but I haven't purged in years. I don't even have a desire to purge anymore. Even now, after I've eaten my share of treats from Halloween. And it's just me and my kids now here in the house. Like I said before, sometimes eating disorders are brought on because some other issue is too much to deal with. People who get them tend to feel as though there is some part of their world that they can't control. And this difficult thing stirs up so much emotion that rather than confront it eating disorders develop. A lot of times I don't even think we are tuned in enough to even know what to look for. We don't know what that big thing is that is causing us to feel so bad. That's why talking to someone helps. They know what questions to ask to try and help you figure it out.
JamesM Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I can only imagine what four pregnancies would do to a woman's body! Wow! I sorry that she does not feel relaxed about herself right now. I understand that your love did not go up and down with her weight, but did your attraction to her? Truthfully, I never "liked" my wife as well when she was pregnant. Please don't take that wrong, but she was not the same person. Her weight was not the only reason, but she had many mood changes and pains. She had back pains, knee pains, etc. And yes, because she did not like being overweight, this was a concern. During her first pregnancy, she did not like her picture taken. We have only a couple of her pregnant with our first child. This changed with the second child. However, I don't recall her ever posing for a picture BECAUSE she was pregnant. And we take a lot of pictures in our family. I hesitate to answer the next question, but while my love was the same, my attraction was not as high. Part of that was also due to her lack of interest in sex and her focus on herself and her pains. But yes, after she was over three to five months pregnant, I did find her less sexy. (Something about a baby sitting between us made me feel like someone was watching us. ) But back to you....equating physical attractiveness to love is only part of the picture. As we age, we do change. Love should go much deeper than just being physically attractive. Initially we are attracted based on looks and personality, but as we get to know one another, we actualy tend to become more attracted because of the other person's actions, attitudes, and personality. I have a saying that I keep in my mind..."This too shall pass." So we are having problems today? This too shall pass. So I am feeling depressed, sad, mad? This too shall pass. And so what if she is overweight? So what if YOU are overweight? This too shall pass. And you know...it has proven true. (Yes, the reverse is true if I become pessimistic. Today's happiness will become tomorrow's sadness. But hey, then it becomes happiness again. ) I wonder if some or alot of your sudden concern about weight is related to the fact that he has not told you that he loves you. And since this is a new relationship, then there is going to be more uncertainty. Could that be true? Personally, I doubt that he will suddenly leave you because you put on twenty or thirty pounds. Even if he mentions it to you, this does not mean he loves you less. (Besides, that is what dating is all about...finding out about the other person and finding out how committed he or she will be. ) In my case when I finally did mention to my wife recently, it was because it affected her moods and she kept complaining about all of her clothes being tight, too. And then I know that she has reached the point of too much weight. Do I love her less because of the extra weight? No. Do I think she is less sexy? Not really, but it affects her so that she feels less sexy, and SHE loves herself less. Continue the counseling and enjoy your relationship. Remember, this too shall pass. And since "this" is the not so happy times, then let it pass.
heatherd1201 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I am very lucky that I found him! I lost a lot of weight very very quickly. I was hospitalized at the end of it. It was during the winter so i was wearing very bulky sweatshirts and you could only tell if you really LOOKED at my face. But i lied my way through a lot of it- (as most people with eating disorders do) I am the kind of person that always lost weight during thw winter. Most people gain weight because of the holidays, but my whole life I lost weight during the winter. SO that winter I would just say "wow, i guess Im losing it from my face and arms this year!" Because nobody could see any other part of me... Towards the end of it I couldnt even get out of bed. I was so weak. One morning my mom told me that i wasnt going to miss another day of school and i got up and literally fell straight to the floor. I was in my nightgown so mom saw exactly what i really looked like. And it was straight to the hospital i went! Now I cant lie to you. I am currently trying to lose some weight. But not really- Im trying to get toned. Im doing it the right way though. I got a gym membership and Im getting a trained who will put me on the kind of eating schedule that is healthy for me. Cutting out the sodas and adding protein. Im getting married in April so i want to look toned for the wedding. I know that muscle weighs more than fat so I am not going to weigh myself during this process. A person who is 5' 2 and weighs 120 pounds is going to look very different than someone who is 5' 8 and 120 lbs. So no scale for me or I will get obsessive! Good luck at the dr today and let us know how it went for you..
allina Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I'm sorry, allina. That must be very hard on you. Her ED probably really affected your growing up and perhaps even how you view yourself. And for her to be in serious enough crisis to be hospitalized, that would be scary for a child and so disruptive to living. Do you still worry about her? Does she live alone? I live alone and that is partly why my bulimia is in like hyper-mode these past few weeks. When I had an ED before, I lived with my Mom and so didn't have the privacy I have now. Thanks Starry. Thankfully my mom does not live alone her and my father are happily married and live together. For a long time my dad was in denial about my mom's eating. He's a very trim marathon runner himself who thinks slim women are more attractive. Since she was like this long before meeting him he thought she was just a tiny woman who didn't eat much. A few years ago when we went to Europe to visit family my moms weight was getting really low again. When my grandmother saw this she was crushed but she knew it's a difficult thing t bring up. One day when my mom was out my grandma sat down with my dad and showed him hospital records and pictures of my mom's anorexic body. Seeing that made him realize that she does have a serious problem that's been ongoing her entire life. This was about 3 years ago and since then he is a little more aware of her eating. It makes me feel safer because though she's still at a very low weight I'm confident that he won't let her harm herself. Allina I'm sorry too. I sometimes think I'm doing an improper job at giving my children a healthy relationship with food because I don't really know what that is. I no longer have an eating disorder per se, but I definitely do have 'disordered eating'. I think giving children a healthy relationship with food is difficult for someone with an eating disorder. I love my mother dearly and admire her in many ways, she's brilliant, has a Ph.D. etc. but the ideas about weight and food she gave me are far from good. Till I was 19 I was a very thin size zero. I was active and genetically my family does not have weight issues but in part it was because she only kept really light food at home. In high school though I was really thin she would frown upon my eating unhealthy food (pizza, fast food) and when I did I did it behind her back. She would also comment on my friends weight, saying things like "oh she's so fat, she looks like a little bear." When I moved away to college she wasn't around and I was able to eat anything I wanted, and I did. I gained like 20 lbs in the first two years and kept it on throughout college. At first she was so cruel to me about it, though I wasn't even overweight. After a while I think a family member told her to cut it out with me. I also blew up at her once I said something like "I KNOW you've been hospitalized for starving yourself, I KNOW you've been a fan of vomiting up dinner, don't you dare comment on my body again!" The thing was I wasn't happy being heavier and really wanted to be a size 0 again, I still do. In part I think I kept some of the weight on as an FU to my mom (keep in mind I'm talking a size 6/7) About a year ago I let it go and started to lose some of it for me, I feel less motivated to me a 0 again, I can deal with a 2 I've really blabbed on longer than intended, I guess my point was that this is something that will impact your kids if you let it. I see weird things in myself at times when it comes to food. For example I have been really sick with a stomach flue since Sunday morning. It's Tuesday now and all I've eaten since Sun morning has been 3 crackers. This morning while getting ready I looked at myself and felt almost proud of that. These thoughts quickly pass but they're there.
goxcrazy19 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 My story is exactly like yours.I've had so many problems with eating.i had an/b 6 years ago,than i got over it..gained weight...but later i got something stuck in my head that im fat when i weighted only 110lb.i couldnt eat,noticed my bones started showing really bad,i could count my ribs! the only thing that helped me were therapies.I guess its just a sickness,and i dont know if it will ever go away for me.because recently i got this thing again thinking im fat, and not eating anything,cant even look at the food,started feeling weak,but somehow im fighting it i force myself to eat at least a little bit.it still makes me sick,but i know if i wont i will go back to my old ways. good luck to you hun.hope everything will be ok with you.
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 This is going to sound really bizarre but for me my eating disorder was like a friend. It was a very big part of who I was. And although I knew it was abnormal to have it and it was unhealthy to have it I still liked having it. Sound weird?
heatherd1201 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 This is going to sound really bizarre but for me my eating disorder was like a friend. It was a very big part of who I was. And although I knew it was abnormal to have it and it was unhealthy to have it I still liked having it. Sound weird? No, it doesnt sound weird at all. For me it was the secret. I hid it very well and it gave me this little grin inside to know that i had the ability to do that..
JamesM Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 No, it doesnt sound weird at all. For me it was the secret. I hid it very well and it gave me this little grin inside to know that i had the ability to do that.. Do you think that is because it was an area of your life that only you could control? Since the rest of your life seemed to be happening outside of your control, this is one area that you could enjoy and control?
amaysngrace Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Yeah cause Allina gave me a lightbulb. How it used to feel so good to limit my food. It was like a personal achievement in some way. Something I could be proud of myself about. Gosh I realize how very little I liked myself then. Actually I didn't even know who I was. I was pretty wrong to not like me without ever really trying to get to know me. It's like my eating disorder was who I was and it really left no room for me to actually get to know myself.
justwonderings Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 My cousin has had anorexia for 9 years straight, she is only 29. She still has it, and is trying to live a normal life. Her life seems normal, she has lots of boyfriends, pretty, smart, and nice to be around. Now let me tell you how this has affected her body, because looks are so deceiving. First off, all of her teeth rotted out from vomiting, (yeah, she does this sometimes too). My uncle is a dentist, so now she has all replacements, free of charge. If your dad is not a dentist, good luck paying for it. Secondly, she is always exhausted and sleeping, which sucks, because she has a mba in psychology, she is hilarious, and everyone wishes she was healthier and around more. Thirdly, she has a severe heart condition brought on by this abuse to her body. How did we find this out? Well we were at an engagement party for a family friend about 3 years ago. She got up from the table and started vomiting uncontrollably (it was horrible). Family rushed her to the hospital because she wouldn't stop. This turned out to be a heart condition directly related to anorexia. Our family has offered her endless amounts of support, and they have the money to get her any treatment she wants. The problem is that she doesn't want to stop. It's going to kill her, everyone knows this, but nobody can get her to see the reality of the matter. As long as she is cute and fits into her size 1 jeans, she's happy. But we all know it's only a matter of time. Now she is not as skinny as some as the women you see on dr. phil, but she's still thin, and barely eats. She thinks she has control because she is not the picture of death, but the picture of thin, and that is what is going to kill her. My point is that if you let this take control of you, it will only take a few years to really hurt your body. Even if she gained weight, the heart condition is permanent damage. Her looks aren't going to hold up for much longer, and she's going to fall behind her peers and slowly deteriorate while all of us live our lives. It's a lot to think about. I wish you luck and I hope anyone who reads this wants a better future for themselves.
Author Starry-eyed Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 I really think it'd be good for you to talk to someone about this. I went to a psychotherapist who also held a degree in nutrition. She herself once had eating disorders. She is the one who snapped me out of it. She made some very good points and her words somehow scared me into sense. I lapsed a few times here and there but I haven't purged in years. I don't even have a desire to purge anymore. Even now, after I've eaten my share of treats from Halloween. And it's just me and my kids now here in the house. Like I said before, sometimes eating disorders are brought on because some other issue is too much to deal with. People who get them tend to feel as though there is some part of their world that they can't control. And this difficult thing stirs up so much emotion that rather than confront it eating disorders develop. A lot of times I don't even think we are tuned in enough to even know what to look for. We don't know what that big thing is that is causing us to feel so bad. That's why talking to someone helps. They know what questions to ask to try and help you figure it out. Well, I just saw my new counselor today and she also used to have an ED and has run support groups for people with EDs and done one-on-one counseling with sufferers before, so that is really nice. It was nice just to talk to some who had been there, who knew what "the world" was like and could understand what I was saying. She gave me some good feedback and a couple of new thoughts and plan to work on for next week. So, that's good. I'm a little ambivalent about getting help and stopping my ED, but this session made me less ambivalent. That's great that you don't feel the urge to purge anymore, amay. I didn't feel it for a long time, either, like all the years I was married. I think it was because I had this level of emotional security and comfort and was not physically sexually attracted to my H, so I really didn't worry too much about what I ate and never actually binged or purged. It's a good place to be, isn't it? You must enjoy a higher level of self-acceptance.
Author Starry-eyed Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Truthfully, I never "liked" my wife as well when she was pregnant. Please I have a saying that I keep in my mind..."This too shall pass." So we are having problems today? This too shall pass. So I am feeling depressed, sad, mad? This too shall pass. And so what if she is overweight? So what if YOU are overweight? This too shall pass. And you know...it has proven true. (Yes, the reverse is true if I become pessimistic. Today's happiness will become tomorrow's sadness. But hey, then it becomes happiness again. ) I wonder if some or alot of your sudden concern about weight is related to the fact that he has not told you that he loves you. And since this is a new relationship, then there is going to be more uncertainty. Could that be true? Personally, I doubt that he will suddenly leave you because you put on twenty or thirty pounds. Even if he mentions it to you, this does not mean he loves you less. (Besides, that is what dating is all about...finding out about the other person and finding out how committed he or she will be. ) In my case when I finally did mention to my wife recently, it was because it affected her moods and she kept complaining about all of her clothes being tight, too. And then I know that she has reached the point of too much weight. Do I love her less because of the extra weight? No. Do I think she is less sexy? Not really, but it affects her so that she feels less sexy, and SHE loves herself less. Continue the counseling and enjoy your relationship. Remember, this too shall pass. And since "this" is the not so happy times, then let it pass. Hah, yeah, I could see it being weird to have sex with a pregnant woman who's more than a few months along, considering the living little person in there! She probably (hopefully?) appreciates your patience and tolerance with her, at least enough to go through it three more times! I don't really think I have any issues with him not telling me that he loves me. It's only been about 6 months - maybe 7? - and I actually kinda suspect that he may actually love me, but just not admitted it to himself or just to me. I think that because of his actions and how they speak to me. And yet, I do have a certain level of insecurity just because I think he is so awesome and foxy and cool and just amazing. I think if he said, "I will still like you and care about you no matter your weight," that would be reassuring to me, but it would not be a healthy reassuring because I have to like myself no matter my weight. His liking of me is really secondary (this is rational thought; emotionally that is not how it is for me). Anyhoo, I don't mean to drag on with my problems. I just really appreciate everyone's time and feedback and encouragement. James, it's funny because one of my favorite sayings is, "This, too, shall pass." It's one of my mottos and has helped me many times. I hadn't thought about applying it to my current ED issues, so thanks for connecting that for me.
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