chill chic Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I would literally kick my own ass if I could for what I did lastnight. For those of who who read my other threads, I had posted in the past about this guy that joked about having a threesome with me & his cousin. Well we remained friends but that was just it, I never mess around with him since that incident. (I had once before he mentioned that) Anyway, my friend had a big party at this lounge, had bottle service which is bad news! I drank wayyyy too much & while I was standing outside with my friends so they could smoke and so I could get fresh air (well not really the freshest air ) I noticed that guy's cousin's roommate standing behind me, he noticed, so it got kinda awkard, but I didn't say anything. Then when we went inside, we crossed paths & started talking, then left to get back up in the vip area. Then I saw him again across the way looking in my direction, so I went over to him & invited him up with me. We drank a lil more, then we all left, I was pretty much hammered by that point, then the 2 of us went to another lounge where I just got water. He kept holding me close to him as we flirted, he's actually pretty hot so I just got too caught up in the moment, then since I didn't want to drive home intoxicated I went with him because I knew my friend's cousin who I'm also friends with was there so I'd feel at least it's not some strangers house. Anyway, one thing lead to another & we ended up hooking up, me and the roommate that I'd been hanging out with all night. Then I felt bad about doing that because of my friend, I had them dial his number since my phone was dead, and I told him to come over. He did, kinda out of his way, and umm...we hooked up Then he left because he had to get home to get up early and I ended up sleeping in bed with the roommate. I honestly don't know why I act like this but I'm seriously going to stop partying and drinking because it gets the best of me, at least not crazy like that. So....this morning the roommate left to go to some charitable event, and then his friend that was also there was telling the cousin about us hooking up, then found out from me that I hooked up with his cousin. Anyway, I know the word is going to get around fast, and I know this guy & I aren't bf/gf but I feel the need to be honest with him and tell him that I hooked up with his cousin's roommate right before I hooked up w/him. There is pretty much no way of getting out of this, he'll most likely believe it happened, but should I tell him or just leave it alone??? I want to continue being friends and our familes are friends. Please help!!
Cobra_X30 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Well look on the bright side. At least it wasnt both at once! Nothing here you cant bounce back from... Just be honest, dont give any explanation.
Star Gazer Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I disagree with Cobra. There is nothing here you CAN bounce back from WITH THESE GUYS. You don't need to explain to your friend - I bet you good money he already knew what you were up to with the roommate. Why else would you be there? Again, you presented yourself in a bad way, and these two guys just took you up on your offer. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? It's like sabotage to the extreme. CC, you do NOT want or need these people in your life. You need a clean, fresh start, with new, awesome dudes who are actually worthy of your time. Move on. Delete these people from your life in every way imaginable.
whichwayisup Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I agree. Just be honest. And maybe slow down on the drinking so much. Afew drinks is cool, but if you're putting yourself in situations where dumb things can happen, then later you regret it all, it's time to take a step back...I mean, you can still have fun, just minus the being drunk.
Kamille Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I'm speechless. What I don't understand and I've asked this before, is your relationship to sexuality. I'm starting to believe you really enjoy sex but then are brought to feel guilty afterwards because you also want to be perceived as 'potential girlfriend material'. I just sometimes worry that you use sex as a substitute for intimacy. You know CC, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with being promiscuous. If what you want right now is to explore your sexuality and make the best of it (think Samantha in S&C) then just go for it. You just need to start distinguishing sex from intimacy. You don't owe any of these guys an explanation. Believe me, they knew perfectly well what was up.
Star Gazer Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I just sometimes worry that you use sex as a substitute for intimacy. You know CC, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with being promiscuous. If what you want right now is to explore your sexuality and make the best of it (think Samantha in S&C) then just go for it. You just need to start distinguishing sex from intimacy. I agree. The problem here is that CC isn't exploring her sexuality. She's exploring how to cultivate a relationship and gain respect from men, and she's doing exactly the opposite of what she should be doing if that's really her goal.
oppath Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 CC, there are good guys out there. I agree with SG that you need a fresh start. I'd recommend you find 3 passions, 2 of which are new, meaning take a photography class at your local community college, join a softball team, and start going to films at your contemporary art museum on thursday nights. Do them alone if need be; you will meet people. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do something. Tell the people you meet "I really want to meet some new people." That is one of the most awesome reasons to do anything. I am always impressed when someone joins an activity that I do and that is their reason. You need a clean slate. I would agree with Kamille, except from your posts, I infer that what you crave is intimacy. Usually, when people say "sex is a need" they are referring to intimacy, maybe not romantic, but intimacy nonetheless. You aren't going to find that unless you look someplace new, perhaps radically new.
Kamille Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 CC, there are good guys out there. I agree with SG that you need a fresh start. I'd recommend you find 3 passions, 2 of which are new, meaning take a photography class at your local community college, join a softball team, and start going to films at your contemporary art museum on Thursday nights. Do them alone if need be; you will meet people. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do something. Tell the people you meet "I really want to meet some new people." That is one of the most awesome reasons to do anything. I am always impressed when someone joins an activity that I do and that is their reason. You need a clean slate. I would agree with Kamille, except from your posts, I infer that what you crave is intimacy. Usually, when people say "sex is a need" they are referring to intimacy, maybe not romantic, but intimacy nonetheless. You aren't going to find that unless you look someplace new, perhaps radically new. I think Oppath is right. It's clear from most of your post that what you crave the most is intimacy. But then I just want to bang my head against the wall because the one thing that remains obscure to me is, if you know that what you want is a healthy relationship and intimacy, why you are struggling so much with establishing yourself a girlfriend material. Why are you compelled to hook up with any cutie that pays attention to you?
Briggs55 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Don't get so drunk and you won't do things that you will regret, it's not rocket science.
jcster Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 You know CC, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with being promiscuous. If what you want right now is to explore your sexuality and make the best of it (think Samantha in S&C) then just go for it. You just need to start distinguishing sex from intimacy. The only problem I see is that you are getting absolutely trashed before you hook up with these guys. Do you think you might be getting drunk in order to feel that it's ok to hook up with them? Really, the only reason to feel bad about what you are doing is the fact that you feel bad afterward. Getting trashed before hooking up is a bad idea - be safe and have fun.
Author chill chic Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I agree with everyone here that I use sex as an intimacy tool and I admit that I do enjoy it, to some degree. Of course, when I do get too drunk I turn into a freak for sex and I feel like I'm up on a pedestal, like this rush of adrenaline and it feeds my ego. So it is like a drug to me, and it's weird because I've never had a one night stand where the guy never talks to me again, so it's all people that I'm friends with or friends with their friends and I'm thinking that's not such a great idea. I can pretty much figure that he did know I was hooking up with the roommate because he probably saw me come out of his room, and walk into his room when he left, yah how stupid. And while I was doing that, I felt that I was getting back at him for some reason because he had surprised me when he said he wanted to have a threesome with me, so that's when I lost respect for him. I don't what he thinks of me hooking with his friend's roommate the same night I was with him, but he is still talked to me the next day, so I don't know. Anyway, bottom line, I'm just REALLY confused if I still want to have fun before I start a new relationship OR if I want to have a meaningful relationship right now, so I get torn between the two. It's as if I'm acting out what my life might have been like if I didn't have a bf of 5 years from when I was 18-23 when I probably should've been acting a fool instead of while I'm 26. And I also get a high from being with guys that are above average attractiveness, like hot hot and it just blows my mind for some reason that I'm so superficial about it too.
oppath Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I turn some heads myself, CC, but I certainly would not treat you, or want you to feel like you are a piece of meat, so do not treat yourself that way. Don't feel bad about hooking up. It happens and there is a double standard. I admit it: I text my friends and give them high fives when it happens. It is nothing to be proud of, but it is nothing to be embarrassed about, either. We give you a hard time because we know that you WANT a boyfriend, but you make some bad choices and allow men to objectify you. Nothing is wrong with being objectified a bit in the bedroom within the context of a relationship, but men seem to treat you that way without commitment. You therefore have responsibility, because you make your choices in men. Nothing is wrong with the occassional hookup. Nothing. Good for you. High five. I hope it was hot. But if you want a boyfriend, you need to not do those things with men you are interested in being more. We give you crap because you allow yourself to be treated that way by most men, not just in a hookup situation. What happened to "nice guy"? I'll give you an opinion: it has been since May since your first date, right? You should be exclusive and seeing each other a couple times a week by now. If you are not, move on so you are free to find someone who can give you the relationship you deserve. Nothing is wrong with hooking up. I'll assert that indefinitely. But there have been guys you want more from, but you settle for or allow them to treat you like a piece of meat. That is the problem.
Author chill chic Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 I do look too deeply into just hookups, I have fun when I do it, so why not, but then again I just wish sometimes I had a stable relationship, and I believe the reason is that I've never been single for too long so it makes me kinda anxious. Anyway, I haven't told him as I'm sure he already knows, and the other guy that night had asked me if he was better than the other guy and I didn't say anything or I don't remember what I said, and I don't know what he's thinking that HE probably knows that I hooked up with the other guy. All I know is it was fun while it lasted and I might hit them up again I wonder if either one would be up for it again? If those guys knew that about me, would they possibly consider it again?
Cobra_X30 Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 All I know is it was fun while it lasted and I might hit them up again I wonder if either one would be up for it again? If those guys knew that about me, would they possibly consider it again? Are you thinking at the same time... or seperately? What you need to ask yourself is what do you really want? Not what makes you happy for 8 hours, or a day! Value the poeple that value you, and dont chase ephemeral highs!
Author chill chic Posted November 7, 2007 Author Posted November 7, 2007 Are you thinking at the same time... or seperately? What you need to ask yourself is what do you really want? Not what makes you happy for 8 hours, or a day! Value the poeple that value you, and dont chase ephemeral highs! well seperately. yah I understand about not chasing those thrills, because I can tell if the one I likes talks to a girl or I see a recent pic of him kissing another girl, even if it's a fun kiss, I get sorta jealous. so I know he's playing the field, so now I don't feel as bad sleeping with his friend. I'd like to just sleep with his friend again lol. but anyway, I know it just brings drama and I know when this happened to me last time when I slept with 2 guys that knew each other they both called me sluts, well these 2 guys might say it under their breath, never have said it to my face but we remain friends, so I don't know why it's different this time.
JCD Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Have some self respect for yourself. Don't play the childish revenge head games especially with sex.
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