ihavemadeahugemistak Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 As my title tells you, I have made a huge mistake. And I am looking for some non judgemental advice, I hope this is a place I can go to seek help for my problem. I will make it as short as needs be. I am married and I had a stupid drunken one night stand with a work colleague. I have been beating myself up about this, so no need to tell me how wrong it is. The advice I am looking for is contraceptive advice. the awful thing is I may be pregnant this month with my husbands baby, and when I had this one night stand with the other man, I think I was safe in my cycle, but one cannot be sure, although it only went in for about 2 second (sorry for the tmi), I freaked when I realised he was inside of me, and pulled him out and left well stormed out but I have no one to blame but myself I know. Anyway I was paranoid about this so I went to get the morning after pill, which I took within 72 hrs, I was advised if already pregnant it would not affect the pregnancy...I guess what I am asking, if by some chance I was already pregnant, do you think I have eradicated any chances of it being his??? please help I am freaked out over this. Thanks
Love is Tragic Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I seriously doubt you are pregnant with OM's child. You said he was only inside you for a brief moment and didnt ejaculate, right? There is a slight chance that if he had any precum that went inside you that you could get pregnant, but not if you were already pregnant prior to the incident. Had you already missed a period before your encounter with OM? If you did, then it is unlikely that OM is the father. I wouldnt worry about it, and if you already were pregnant, the emergency contraceptive wont do any damage to the baby. Hope this eases your mind a bit!
Cobra_X30 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I am married and I had a stupid drunken one night stand with a work colleague. I have been beating myself up about this, so no need to tell me how wrong it is. The advice I am looking for is contraceptive advice. the awful thing is I may be pregnant this month with my husbands baby, and when I had this one night stand with the other man, I think I was safe in my cycle, but one cannot be sure, although it only went in for about 2 second (sorry for the tmi), I freaked when I realised he was inside of me, and pulled him out and left well stormed out but I have no one to blame but myself I know. Anyway I was paranoid about this so I went to get the morning after pill, which I took within 72 hrs, I was advised if already pregnant it would not affect the pregnancy...I guess what I am asking, if by some chance I was already pregnant, do you think I have eradicated any chances of it being his??? please help I am freaked out over this. Thanks If you used Plan B, it reduces your chances of pregnancy to about 1%. This really sounds like your conscience is going crazy on you! I would suggest having a chat with your Husband about what happened. He does deserve to know.
bestadvisor Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Yes, the above poster is right. This is going to eat you up alive, if not tomorrow, maybe a year or 5 year down the line. Come clean and start fresh. Pluse, your H deserves to know the truth.
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 What about STD's, pregnancy isn't the only thing to worry about. Think about coming clean with your husband.
Bryanp Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 I agree a key point is the fact that he was inside you which means you now have to be checked for STD's. Would you wish to give an STD to your husband? I agree you need to come clean. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect your husband to be upfront and honest with you?
Author ihavemadeahugemistak Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Thank you all for replying, I have read back over my post and its a little bit muddled . I have been checked for STD's so I am waiting for the results for the big ones, the little ones are clear. With regard to coming clean, I am seeing a counsellor regarding this as of course I want to come clean, but at the moment I feel and have been advised by her is to tackle this whole pregnancy thing and then I will talk to my husband. So for now I am just waiting for my period to come. Please don't judge me on this I didn't come onto the forum to be admonished, I came on for advice, please understand like everything its not black and white. Love is tragic, thanks for your post. Yes he was only inside for a second, and he was no where near too excited. I haven't missed a period this has all happened within the last month I am due this weekend, the incident happened with the om late last week. If I was pregnant with h then I would already be a week pregnant and the morning after pill would be too late. If I wasnt pregnant with H then I should have eradicated any chance of a pregnancy with the morning after pill. I am just scared that if I got pregnant A. even though there is hardly any chance it was the om's I would always wonder and B/ How could I even think of concieving a child under such horrendous circumstances
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 What about STD's, pregnancy isn't the only thing to worry about. Think about coming clean with your husband. Or get tested. They morning after pill is pretty good so I think on the preggers side you are safe but do a home test if you wanna be sure. But get tested.
Author ihavemadeahugemistak Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Or get tested. They morning after pill is pretty good so I think on the preggers side you are safe but do a home test if you wanna be sure. But get tested. But if it was positive...Can I be pretty much sure it is husbands?
Cobra_X30 Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 But if it was positive...Can I be pretty much sure it is husbands? I would wait until you find out if you are pregnant to tackle that issue. There is a very high chance you wont have to worry about it. Now if you are pregnant, then you will have to do a paternity test. They can be preformed before the birth of the baby. In all likelyhood it will be your husbands, at which point your pregnant, and you have to trust him enough that he wont walk out on you. You should realize at this point how hard that would be on him! Why did you cheat in the firstplace?
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 That's what I want to know. Why did you place yourself in that position to destroy your marriage? What was you thinking! You need to go NC with this other man, tell your husband the truth! You owe him that! Do not keep him in the dark, because if he finds out another way, there will be hell to pay! He doesnt deserve what you did to him. There is no excuse for cheating. You arent even saying your sorry about it. Now you wonder why dudes these days dont even want to get married. It's because of stuff like this I know I wont. That's the truth.
Author ihavemadeahugemistak Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 That's what I want to know. Why did you place yourself in that position to destroy your marriage? What was you thinking! You need to go NC with this other man, tell your husband the truth! You owe him that! Do not keep him in the dark, because if he finds out another way, there will be hell to pay! He doesnt deserve what you did to him. There is no excuse for cheating. You arent even saying your sorry about it. Now you wonder why dudes these days dont even want to get married. It's because of stuff like this I know I wont. That's the truth. Why on earth would I say sorry to people on a chat forum I havent done anything to you. No, there is no excuse for cheating, and thank god I dont have a history of this it was a once off, and drink was the reason why it happened.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 Noboddy is saying for you to apologize to us. No one said that. I dont see any remorse from you. I dont feel it in your words. maybe your an emotional wreck right now. I dont know. But you cant blame cheating on getting drunk. If that's the case we need to keep all married spouses away from the open bar in the clubs. You need to understand there's alot of betrayed spouses and people that were hurt from affairs. They damage your soul. You need to understand that. I dont think you truly grasp what you have done. Why did you put yourself in that position to even be in a sexual situation. Drinking is no excuse. And why wont you tell your husband what are you waiting for. What I am amd about is that your making plans to cover your own ass. That is what I'm mad about. Tell him the truth and whether he accepts it ya'll go to councling and work it out or he dumps you, leaves and disappears then that should be his choice. Often times it's not the cheating that kills the relationship, it's the lies and deceit that accompanies it.
Sal Paradise Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Alcohol only enables you to do what you want to do and lack the courage to do sober. Don't blame the booze, blame yourself. It's no excuse for reckless behavior. Your husband has the right to know. He needs to get tested himself. If you have any respect for him you will let him know what you did so he can "decide" whether or not he wants to remain with you.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Or get tested. They morning after pill is pretty good so I think on the preggers side you are safe but do a home test if you wanna be sure. But get tested. The morning after pill is not fool-proof...I know because I became pregnant after I took it and thought everything would be ok...I took it within 36 hours and I still became pregnant...But my experience wasn't two seconds either and it was with my steady partner... If you were already pregnant, you need to talk to your doctor about that...because the high-dose of hormones found in Plan B may have affected the baby...I ended up losing my baby right before 12 weeks...I'm not trying to freak you out, just want to caution you and make sure you seek your health care professionals advice...
Author ihavemadeahugemistak Posted November 6, 2007 Author Posted November 6, 2007 Thanks Greeneyed lady, I will keep in touch and let you all know x
JustBreathe Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 No, drinking is not why you allowed yourself to cheat on your husband. You need to dig deep and figure out what your feelings are, what the real reason is that you did it and then address the real underlying issue. Drinking isn't it.
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 What an unfortunate situation. The hard part is waiting out the entire 9 months just to know for sure. Hope everything turns out alright. If you are not pregnant, I think time should be spent in reflection and coming clean with your husband. Then he can decide whether he wants to bring a child into this world with you.
harleygirl92156 Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 if by some chance I was already pregnant, do you think I have eradicated any chances of it being his??? please help I am freaked out over this. Thanks HUH???? If you were already pregnant how in the world would there be a chance that it was his???? This is the most uneducated question I have ever seen on here. If you pregnant and have sex with someone else, the paternity of the baby can't be changed......oh my:confused:
Author ihavemadeahugemistak Posted November 8, 2007 Author Posted November 8, 2007 HUH???? If you were already pregnant how in the world would there be a chance that it was his???? This is the most uneducated question I have ever seen on here. If you pregnant and have sex with someone else, the paternity of the baby can't be changed......oh my:confused: It was the same month:mad:
Mickle Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Do not salve your conscience by telling him, If you are pregnant and unless you are white and the bloke is a different colour, keep quiet. Everyone makes stupid decision, most wives have had a one night stand Drunk or Sober they keep quiet about it why hurt someone, unless you plan to be unfaithful regularly
Cobra_X30 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 It was the same month:mad: So are you pregnant? Do you know yet?
Cobra_X30 Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 Do not salve your conscience by telling him, If you are pregnant and unless you are white and the bloke is a different colour, keep quiet. Everyone makes stupid decision, most wives have had a one night stand Drunk or Sober they keep quiet about it why hurt someone, unless you plan to be unfaithful regularly Sure thing there tiger! You get my vote for worst advice ever!
PoshPrincess Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Do not salve your conscience by telling him, If you are pregnant and unless you are white and the bloke is a different colour, keep quiet. Bl**dy hell, are you having a laugh?!!!! why hurt someone, unless you plan to be unfaithful regularly I have to say I agree with this under normal circumstances (ie where there isn't a chance of pregnancy). If a one night stand/fling/whatever, is really a one-off then there is no point whatsoever in hurting someone who truly loves you to ease your own conscience. I wouldn't worry about anything at the moment, however, until you find out if you ARE pregnant or not. If you aren't then thank God and learn by this mistake. If you are, then it's something you're going to have to deal with when the time comes. It sounds pretty unlikely that you ARE pregnant by this other man but never say never! Best of luck and keep us posted!
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