xejnsew Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 hi there, i'm new to this community as far as postings go. I'm going though some confusing times i wanted to see what a person "outside the box" could advise.. fist off a little history.. I'm 26 and currently single.. had been in a relationship for over 6 years with someone since age 18, she was 3 years younger than me. She ex broke up with me since we where still young (pls dont call me a perv etc i'm only being honest.. ) and she felt she settle down without experiencing being single, going out having fun with friends etc..6 months after that i'm with another person for 1 year.. almost to the day.. I broke up with her simply cos i was not happy.. we didn't click.. although i tried and in the begining i stuck through it thinking maybe it was too soon after the 1st break up.. it wasn't to be.. i just could never picture my future with her..or didn't want to.. but i was not happy with our differences, and the way we fought/had arguments it was more like trying to hurt each other with words then try to fix things..fights like these happen later not after few months into.. now i consider myself a fixer .. but i was tried of trying to fix this, i just had this gut feeling that it wasn't going to work out.. Anyway.. the issue here is..I went out with friends last friday.. and met up with a couple of her friends by chance.. one of whom i had found attractive but since i was with her friend (my ex) when we first where acquainted and she was taken.. u know.. u just appreciate and that's it.. well.. Friday night we can simply say one thing led to another and we ended up making out. the thing is i never wanted it to happen .. but things just happened.. on their own it seems.. Now I do feel bad for what's happened... her being with someone ... for 4 years mind u ... and she being a close friend with my ex.. but what i feel more is an attraction to her... she's got such a good personality and a cracking figure to go with it (i consider liking what u look at important in a relationship) and she apparently feels the same towards me.. it's something that got me puzzled cos i know how you should feel in a 4 year relationship.. and going mad over someone other than your partner is not good.. now during the kissmaking we made out in a "lovey dovey" way.. not the "raw passionate tear-your-clothes-of" way .. just felt better that way.. we've been texting each other continuously since then... and a few texts that stuck out contained something on the lines of "i love the way you kiss.. there's just something different about u.." and "i feel really guilty for what happened.. but i feel even worse that i don't regret what i did".. "now i know why (ex) didn't want to loose you" she also says that around him she's thinking about me all the time and is very confused at the moment.. Now i'm not about to start having an affair with her.. no one needs to tell me how wrong it is as i already know..although i have this gut feeling about her.. i seemed to have clicked more with her than anyone i've ever been with.. Although she says she loves him, she does have a history of having done this before... her bf knows nothing about these..I told her that from a neutral perspective, she will have to come clean one day.. and if it ends her relationship (good for me.. nah! j/k!) then it wasn't meant to be.. but if he was understanding and forgives it's another thing.. plus she shouldn't go snogging someone when she's bored with her bf and instead find other ways to kill the boredom and spicen up a relationship. I told her that she has to think long and hard... she's gona come to the conclusion that one thing was a mistake and is not what she wanted, either what happened with me or her long relationship with her bf... My ponderings i'm pondering about is; what if she does leave him... eventually to hook up with me... would she be ready for a long relationship with me from the get go? i'm not getting any younger, neither is she.. so relationships nowadays need to have a sense of direction .. Plus who's to say she won't do this to me 4 years down the line? on another topic, i have tried to seek advice via messenger from my 1st ex (we are still good friends, we stayed in contact cos we reconed we are the the only ppl that really understood each other best) about this and she seemed very P'ed off about it all.. like she was jealous.. now THAT's confusing... having told me she's over me a long time ago.. and like telling me now what a bad thing i did in a really angry tone (what i could pick up on via msn)... i was like.. erm.. why are you angry? and she's like "no i'm not! what do i care! u could've gone with (any person) for all i care!!"* does she still have romantic feelings for me? *actual exclamations from original text included
norajane Posted November 5, 2007 Posted November 5, 2007 My ponderings i'm pondering about is; what if she does leave him... eventually to hook up with me... would she be ready for a long relationship with me from the get go? i'm not getting any younger, neither is she.. so relationships nowadays need to have a sense of direction .. Plus who's to say she won't do this to me 4 years down the line? You seem to be well aware of the significant problems here. No, she's not likely to be ready for a new relationship right after she jumps directly out of the one she's in. And yes, there's a big question mark on whether she would cheat on you some time down the road. You aren't the first guy she's cheated on her bf with. Seems she chooses cheating over dealing with her relationship issues, or ending things. That's a sign of someone who does not handle conflict well, and does not have a strong grasp on integrity either. As for your ex, well, this girl is her friend. She may not have feelings for you, and she may not care at all if you date other women, but yes, she's likely to have a major problem with you dating one of her friends. It's not unusual - many women wouldn't be too happy about that.
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