budd98 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I had been dating a gal for 2.5 years and yes it had been rocky here and there. She is very insecure. Anyways, we had a little argument a few days before halloween over nothing. She would'nt answer my calls, but would text me. I asked if we could hang out on halloween and she said "we'll see, but I'm not going to pretend everything is ok when its not." So Halloween comes and she doesn't want to hang with me, instead says she is going to watch movies with her g/f's. So I did'nt have anything to do so I called my buddies and we hung out at the bar for 2 hours and went home. The next day was my b-day and she text me saying "have a good b-day and hope she was worth it." She always assumes I am with a girl everytime. Then asked if I went to the bar. I said yes and her last text was "We are done, have a good b-day, take care." That was 3 days ago. She has'nt tried to contact since then. It really hurt to know someone could be like this on your b-day over nothing. Did she expect me to just sit at home and do nothing when she didn't even want to hang out with me? Thats selfish. So my question is, why do you think someone can act this way? I know everyone will say to run, but thats not what I want to do at this point. What do you think I should do to be back where we use to be? Do you really think she wants it to be over? Any advice will help, thanks.
Tyra Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Well, has she always been insecure for these 2.5 years? Because if this is just starting, and she always thinking that you are with another female, then she really want to deal with someone else. And in this case, she's looked for an excuse to cut you off. And also the two of you had an argument about nothing, as you say. So that was an easier way for her to want to end it with you.
Author budd98 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 She has always been insecure. Just a few weeks ago, she wanted me to buy a house for her to live in with me. Her mind changes by the minute, she is so hard to figure out what she is thinking next.
Amy22 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I would say if she isn't willing to get help regarding her insecurities then either now or down the road her insecurities will ruin your relationship. So if she isn't willing to get help I would get out now. If you could have a calm conversation with her and she realizes her insecurities are ruining your relationship and she is willing to get help then I would try and stay and help her. But she has to stop being so insecure or it will be like this forever. Do you want to always be with someone who will second guess what you are doing and what you are telling her? Do you want to be with someone who is so selfish? You need to look at the long term picutre of your relationship and what it will be like if you stay together and decide if you want that. Good Luck and let us know what you decide.
Phateless Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 hear me one time, loud and clear... SHE... IS... A... ***CING... PSYCHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! edit - my ex was like this, only not quite to that degree. i wasted 5 years with her... now i'm 27, been single for a year, and having a blast, but you cannot replace the wasted time, the missed opportunities, or the people you might have met had you not been busy with this crazy girl.
Author budd98 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 So why do some girls act that way? She is almost 26 and I figured she would grow out of it. Do you think she is playing games to keep getting a reaction from me? We broke up for a month in August and during that time, she apologized to me, went to get depression pills, thought about suicide, and fainted a work. She sat in her apartment and wouldn't leave she said. It was her idea to break up too. She has always wanted me to marry her and kept talking about it wondering why. But I wanted her to be stable before I even thought of that. We could be having the best night ever, and then if a girl says hi to me or a girls name is brought up, she flips out and calls a cab or friends to get home. I wonder if her breaking up with me all the time is what even keeps me hanging on. The thought of winning her back all of the time. I don't know, but it is emotionally exhausting. I just wish she would snap out of it and be normal.
Amy22 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Usually if someone is insecure it is because of something that happened in there life. I could be wrong but that is the only situation I can think of. Maybe from something that happened in her childhood or a previous relationship. I don't know her so I can't say if she is playing games or if she truly feels this way. Has she been taking the depression pills? Her freaking out at a girl saying hi or mentioning a girls name is pretty extreme. It also makes me wonder if she is so insecure why did she break up with you? If she is insecure with herself wouldn't she think she would never find anyone else. After reading what you wrote and thinking about it I think I have to agree with phatless.
Jasmine777 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I am sorry that you have to go through that. I am also going through a break-up right now. My boyfriend of six years is so on and off again with me, I do not get it either. I think that your girlfriend is very afraid of being left by you. Was her father a cheater? Had she ever been cheated on before? I know that if she has had a bad expierience with a cheater in the past, she may be very afraid that you will leave her.
funkybassplayer Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Mate i had this very thing, always doughting, you cant do anything right, always has to be the center of attention, and always wanting but not giving. is this her? if the answer is yes, i would suggest, get shot, as your life will get worse, she will make plans and expect you to fit around her life, but you try it, hang out with mates......forget it, auguments etc. you glimps at another woman, hell breaks lose, she will pick fights, you cant please her, and your life becomes about her. Not only is it inscre, but very controling. These women are like a drug they get into your head. Just be careful, they are not right, and need real help, but will not look for it.
Author budd98 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Her dad cheated on her mom and they are divorced. She always says she hates her family most of the time. Her mom hangs on her for entertainment and it is annoying. Her dad is an alcaholic. She says she has never had a one night stand, but she has been in 3 long term relationships. From what I hear, they have been good guys. One of them cheated on her though. She has kept the letters they had wrote her, and I did read a few of them once. I read them only to figure out if there was a pattern so I could fix the problem. The guys were writing the exact same stuff I had been writing to her. They all talked about her not trusting them and not letting them hang out with women friends. She also seems to talk alot about suicide and having nothing to live for. She says she always has suffered from depression and blames everything on her dad. She says she can't trust anyone in her life. She has never trusted me in 3 years and I have never did anything to make her wonder otherwise. She turns everything into my fault no matter what. I know she cares or she wouldn't flip out at me over dumb stuff, but its the wrong way to do that. I don't know why I have put so much effort into the relationship since she is so wishy-washy, her family is really messed up, and her friends seem to be going no where also. She depends on the guy to pay for everything. What really bothers me and has eaten away at me is the fact that so many women have thought I am a great catch or try to make passes at me, but she constantly tells me I'm not that great. Her argument to that is she says she can't give me compliments or she thinks my head would explode. I think I am ok, I have a bachelors degree, my own business, no debts, am in great shape, lots of friends, great family, and am always posative and funny. When things are going really good for me, she says that I have had everything handed to me and brings me down. Everyone who reads this will now think I am crazy for even dating her, I know. Does anyone see any chance for this to ever work? Do you think I am just triing to save her from the bad life she grew up with? Thanks for reading.
funkybassplayer Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Shes as said above. Your life will not get better. She has a damaging problem, and it sounds like she may mess your head up if your not careful. Choice is yours, but in the long run, ask yourself if you need this.
Jasmine777 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Okay, well it makes sense now why she is insecure. She has had bad expierences of being cheated on and her dad is a cheater. If I were you I would not try and rescue her anymore. You sound like a great guy and you deserve better! I know that it is sad but she will just end up hurting you in the long run. I have seen this happen before, I had a friend who became so messed up from having really abusive parents and her boyfriend wanted to save her and he was the one who got burned. He was a great catch, just like you and she put him down and treated him like he was less then her. She also started cheating on him and she had been a very good, Christian girl. Abuse can do strange things to people, but I would find a nice girl who has a nice family because I hate to say it, as much as you love her, she may really hurt you in the long run.
Amy22 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Do you want to be with someone who puts you down. Some of those things she has said to you are very rude. You could probably make it work if you want to live like this. With her being insecure and bringing you down. You do sound like a good guy and that you have a lot to offer. You don't deserve the way she treats you. Only you can decide if you want to make it work and put up with it or if you want a better partner who will not talk down to you about your accomplishments but be proud of one, one who will trust you. Good Luck
Author budd98 Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Her last text of the break-up was on Thursday morning, my b-day. I e-mailed her the following morning asking a few questions and such. That was almost 3 days ago. Why hasn't she responded with anything? How long will it take for a girl like her to react? I am just curious.
thrustrebel Posted November 8, 2007 Posted November 8, 2007 The S.S. Relationship is sinking. The ship simply had too many holes in the hull. So you have two choices. Stay on board until you have no choice but to look for the driftwood of recovery... or make a move now for one of the life-rafts of singleness. Trust me, the life raft is much more comfortable then the driftwood, but the chances of getting one decrease the longer you leave it. I wanted to suggest some things you could say to her, or things you could do to make her appreciate you. Even offer some thoughts on what I think she might be thinking... But by the time I got to the end of the thread... well... you got to go get picked up by the next passing luxury cruise ship ;-)
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