Author Steffie575 Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 How long have you two ladies been out of these relationships? I got out of a 5 year relationship just over a year ago so I know where your head is... We were together 6 years......and its only been about 2 months since we broke up
Author Steffie575 Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Yes, it is. In fact, I was having feelings of deep grief and loss after this as if he had died....without consciously deciding to. It just made me long for him more. I had decided he was gone, that was it, it's over this time, he doesn't deserve to have me back. Then at the end of one stressful day I found myself automatically thinking "we should go rent a movie tonight..." and then it hit me. He's GONE. Really gone. Then a huge wave of grief and sadness came over me and I just wanted him back. He became that much more precious and irreplaceable to me. I don't really know....but I think in some cases it may be a little easier to hang onto a tiny bit of hope. Kinda like someone quitting smoking....it's easier when you tell yourself you can start up any time you want, but when it's taken away completely....you just want it more. An eventually the pain...like the cravings....dimishes over time. Or at least...I hope. I get what you're saying though. For now I'm telling myself "anything is possible, but he probably won't come back" Still hurts though. I actually TOLD my ex that in our last conversation on the phone...that I felt like he had died. It sucks...having someone you love with all your heart essentially gone from your life...
Author Steffie575 Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Oh man, I know just how you feel. The thing that has made this so difficult for me is that we have broken up a total of 4 times now (yeah..). And I told myself that every time....."he'll be back, he just needs time"...and this time it's kicked me in the ass. A part of me is still hanging on, thinking, maybe he just needs to get something out of his system.....but I know that's crap. I know he's not coming back. I felt exactly the same way about letting go and moving on until I finally realized for sure that he's onto someone new. It's still hard, but I realize I have to force myself. I STILL can't throw away little things he's given me, books and things of his that got mixed up in the move, I can't even delete his name off of my phone! I still can't fully accept that I'll never sit next to him on the couch and play video games or laugh w/ him about the cats rolling around on the floor. But I know I have to start letting go and stop expecting him to come back. It sucks. My heart still isn't totally ready either. I'm about to be 25 and I've known him since I was 16. We started dating when I was 20. I feel like he is so much a part of my past...ingrained in my soul. I feel almost like I've grown up w/ him....and maybe in a sense I have. I'm terrified too that I'll never get over him. I just hope there are new happy memories, and nostalgia, and history to come. And maybe some of the new memories will actually remain happy until the day I die. Omg....go read my 2nd to last post in my thread "Should I call him?". It was EXACTLY the same for me.....I still am blaming myself, making excuses for his behavior. Even after he dumped me the last time and (here I go again) went out and screwed our neighbor, posted a blog all about it, bragged about dumping me and trashed my name (which he did include), left pictures of her all over MY computer......who calls up crying and apologizing for leaving town....b/c I had found out his lies? He claimed "I left him" and blamed ME for the break up. I only left town (and told him "I'm leaving town" as I often did when things got messy and he refused to talk..). Yet he boasted in his blog post about how HE dumped ME. Which he did--he sent me an email after I left town telling me to move all my stuff out of the apartment. Still...I apologize for leaving. I insisted I wasn't leaving him. He insisted that I did. I'm the one who cried and begged and banged my head against the wall for not 'handling things correctly'. Wtf. He still hasn't apologized for all the lies and I still beat myself up for leaving that night. Seems he and I were both full of excuses only he was the only one getting any benefit from them. I think our exes were both just looking for a way out and didn't have the balls to take any sort of responsibility. Yes, just call me Dr. Kittens. Heres the sad part...i know for a FACT he is with someone else and I am still holding out hope that he will come back to me. I know I have to leave him alone and get on with my life or he will never even have a chance to miss me, but its hard. Everyday i almost call him; everyday I visit his myspace, everyday I write texts to him that I delete so I dont send them. Ugh. I was with him since I was 16...Im 23 now. I grew up with him, too. I recently quit blaming myself. Right after he left me I blamed myself so much. I could have been sweeter to him, more myself in the last few months. But ive had a rough year and he obviously couldnt hack it with me in the hard times. I have been trying to pound myself in the head with the thoght, "He left ME! I didnt leave him. Hes the one who chose another woman over me, when it comes right down to it." That helps me see that it wasnt all my fault, but at the same time, it makes me so sad to know he has someone else. Wanna know something weird? I picture him breaking up with her often, but the part I think about is the feelings. Like, if he broke up with her and came back to me I think Id feel great, because he didnt want her, he wants me. But if she broke up with HIM and he came back to me? It would hurt me so much to see if his feelings were hurt by her. You know what I mean? I HATE thinking that he could be affected emotionally by another woman. I wish he would come to his senses and leave her for me now so he doesnt have a chance to build feelings for someone else. Ugh, sorry that didnt make much sense. Wow! On and on again, lol.
cant let go Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 Ugh, sorry that didnt make much sense. No...it made much more sense then you realize. I talked to my ex on the phone for almost 40 mins today. It was great. He texted me after my exam to ask how it went. Our mutual friend had a bit of a crisis at his test center so my ex was also texting me to ask if I had heard what happened. I responded briefly but didn't elaborate much. After checking my answers on my exam against others who took it I came up with what I think my score might be. So I texted it to my ex. He called me shortly after that to congratulate me on doing so well and we talked for a while. We really just talked about the exam but we were laughing and it was easy between us. Like friends. I wanted to hold on to the conversation as long as possible so I just kept it flowing. We talked about leaving our job and the dilemma that we are both in because we can leave now or wait it out a few months til we get profit sharing checks. He also told me that he came into the apt today to pick some things up. I feel a little weird that he was here. Finally he let me go because he said he is going to buy furniture for his room in the house where he lives now. Man...I love him but being "the friend" SUCKS!!!
MattyTee Posted November 6, 2007 Posted November 6, 2007 I hear ya! I'm not able to do the friend thing it just hurts too much. In some ways I wish I was stronger (she did say at one point the only way things could work out is if we were friends first) and could just do it, but I know I would be dragging myself through it.
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