Dynamo Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 First off I'd like to say hello to everyone. First time poster here, but I've been looking around here for a couple days now. Now, on to my predicament. I'm a sophmore in a very small highschool (400 students). There is this girl I've liked for awhile (about two years now), but all throughout the past in my life I've had major confidence issues up until this year so I've never really talked to her much. Over the summer before the schoolyear I really turned my life around - I have tons of friends, I ditched the glasses for contacts, I've been told I'm fun/funny/smart... I'm a playful guy at heart. I wouldn't call myself hot (I'm not arrogant enough to anyways ) but I do think I'm atleast semi-attractive. Now there is only one aspect of my life left that I'm trying to conquer: Getting with this girl. I've never talked to her all that much before this year but now we talk and hang out all the time, and it's only made me like her more and more - it's gotten to the point that I have to literally force myself to stop thinking about her. I've never felt this way about ANYONE - I know you all are thinking "he's young, it's just a crush," but I just feel it too powerfully.. I'd take a bullet to the heart to protect her. If someone hurt her I'd fight them, no matter if they were 7 feet tall and 350 pounds of muscle. I'd walk 10 miles just to see her smile. Now here is where the BIG problem comes in: I would have asked her out already, if it wasn't for the fact that my best friend of 15 years is already going out with her. This is what really kills me inside: He started to go out with her about a couple days before I was going to ask her out. They've sort of hit it off - I was at a party a couple days ago and had to leave it early after I saw them making out on the couch downstairs- I felt literally sick to the point of puking - my chest felt like it was being pummeled with a lead pipe, and my heart felt as if it was wrapped in barbed wire. So, this is where I stand. It's 11:00, and I'm in my room alone, pleading for help on an internet forum - I feel like I've hit the bottom of the barrel. I've never been romantically involved with anyone - infact, I still haven't really kissed a girl. I'm not interested in sex (well I am, but that's not the reason I like her so much).. I'm just so confused, and I feel betrayed in a sense - my friend didn't know I liked her, and still doesn't know, so it's not his fault. I can't tell if she likes me back - in classes I have with her, we sit together, and she always rests her head on my shoulder, and even grabs my hand and squeezes it a little - does this mean she likes me, or am I just over thinking this all? Once she asked me what I thought about her and my friend. It took me a minute to reply (my throat felt clogged) but I said they "made a cute couple". To which she replied "Yeah, I guess." I don't know. I'm sorry for bothering you all with this loooong rant from a teenager, but I just had to let this all out somewhere. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Do I pursue the girl of my dreams, or should I not risk my friendship over a girl? Her friends all like me a lot (as a friend), and I just don't know if that's all she sees me as, or if there could be something more. But I don't want to hurt my friend, either. Thanks.. If you need any more info feel free to ask.
The Loacker Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 You're not going to like what I have to say, but you need to hear it. You're not in love. Read that again. You don't even know this girl. You can't be in love with someone who you don't even know. You're attracted to her, that's it. You might try to convince yourself that you're in love, that you would do anything for her, that your feelings are pure, but that's all just fluff. You're attracted to her, maybe because of her looks, maybe because of something else. A lot of teenagers make the mistake of thinking they're "in love" when they first meet someone, when it's really just infatuation. You need to get yourself out of this mindset, because it's really unhealthy. I mean listen to yourself: I'd take a bullet to the heart to protect her. If someone hurt her I'd fight them, no matter if they were 7 feet tall and 350 pounds of muscle. I'd walk 10 miles just to see her smile. Really? For someone you barely know? Would you take a bullet to the heart to protect some pretty girl you saw at the mall? Would you fight a bouncer in the name of a hot chick you saw on the bus? No, you wouldn't, so stop kidding yourself that you "love" this girl. You don't love her. Hell, give it a month and you'll be over her. What you need to do is get out there and meet other people. Stop torturing yourself emotionally, it's not going to do you any good. If the opportunity presents itself, you can ask her out. Until then, there are a million fish in the sea.
Lyssa Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I don't think pursuing your best friend's GF is a good idea! You have been best friends for 15 years!! That's too long to let a girl come in between. I don't see how you feel betrayed. The guy who should feel betrayed would be your best friend if you chose to pursue her.
Stereogram Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Hey man. I sorry you are having a tough time but I can help. I graduated from High School 10 years ago and the high school dating scene has probably changed since I was roaming the halls...but I'll do my best. You are dealing with young love...and it's hard to look past that because high school IS your life right now. You know nothing else...I was there...we all were...we all know. My advice to you is to not interfere with your friend's relationship with this girl. Girls come and go but some friends are forever. I still keep in touch with one or two friends for high school....but I have never spoken to my exes since I graduated. It really is a whole new world once you leave the realm of high school. Go to college and see for yourself. There is so much tail...I can't even begin to describe it.
Author Dynamo Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Thanks for the replies guys and gals. The Loacker, as much as it hurt to read what you had to say, I can only agree with your words... I wrote that post when I was feeling rather emotional, and looking back it does seem a little silly. But still.. I don't know. I guess I'm afraid it'll become one of those things where I think back on what "could have been". I know it's wrong to be interested in my friend's girl, infact I feel angry at myself for feeling this way since he's been a great friend and I'd really hate to hurt him like that. And I think what Stereogram pointed out is certainly a part of the problem - I only know highschool.. It's hard to look past it all and think of the "other fishes in the sea" when thats all you really know.. It's especially difficult when you have a very small highschool (400 students), and none of them interest you in the slightest but one. So I've sort of come to the conclusion that, despite the emotional pain it causes, I'll just have to let it go.. But there is just one thing I want to know, about something I said in the first post (how she rests her head on my arm all the time, squeezes my hand, and sounded sort of distant when talking about her relationship with my friend), are those any indication of interest in me, or just friendship? Thanks again everyone.. I think I just needed to talk this over with someone, I felt fit to burst.
Stereogram Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 And I think what Stereogram pointed out is certainly a part of the problem - I only know highschool.. It's hard to look past it all and think of the "other fishes in the sea" when thats all you really know.. It's especially difficult when you have a very small highschool (400 students), and none of them interest you in the slightest but one. You have a good head on your shoulders. Don't get discouraged...things will get better for you. I had interest in only ONE girl my entire 4 years of high school...and she wasn't worth the pain (seeing how horribly she's aged in the past 10 years!!!! hahaha) I never saw it as my problem...but that the community failed to produce any worthy girls for me to date! If you personally look at it this way...you'll be in good shape. So I've sort of come to the conclusion that, despite the emotional pain it causes, I'll just have to let it go.. But there is just one thing I want to know, about something I said in the first post (how she rests her head on my arm all the time, squeezes my hand, and sounded sort of distant when talking about her relationship with my friend), are those any indication of interest in me, or just friendship? She might just be the touchy/feely type or she is craving attention and probably dealing with her hormones. It's pretty shady for her do that behind her boyfriend's back with you. Just think what she'll do behind your back if you guys ever date...
The Loacker Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 It's pretty shady for her do that behind her boyfriend's back with you. Just think what she'll do behind your back if you guys ever date... Booya! Listen to this guy.
Author Dynamo Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 It sounds sort of iffy when I post it, but she's not really a shady girl from what I've seen though. She's only been with two guys (Some guy I don't know and my best friend), she doesn't drink at parties (neither do I, just don't feel any desire to), she gets good grades in school... Idunno. I'm sorta leaning towards her just being the touchy-feely type, but I'm the only guy she's like that with (other then my friend, obviously). Am I just overthinking all of this?
Author Dynamo Posted November 5, 2007 Author Posted November 5, 2007 Any other opinions on this last bit, or is this a closed case? Thanks for your time.
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