VivianGirl Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I feel like I am going to just burst! I am probably going to make no sense at all . . . Okay, my marriage from the start has not been the greatest. My H used to talk about how he wanted a rich older woman to "take care" of him and he wouldn't have to do a thing. (And now when I ask him what he wants for his birthday and Xmas he tells me that we cannot afford what he really wants.) Well, I come along and get pregnant and that's the end of that story. He has taken money from me and the kids. He likes to gamble and early on in our marriage we had to both be treated for an STD. But I know I didn't cause that! And I felt sorry for him because his parents don't care for him and his brothers won't talk to him. I wonder why? He has lied and listed himself as "divorced, but with kids" on some online ads so he could find a "friend". He doesn't take responsibility for anything and good luck trying to get him to do much around the house. So, after getting cancer and finally getting better (thank you, God!) I am working on getting a steady job and getting the hell away from him. He told me that if I ever divorced him that he would just leave town so he wouldn't get stuck with child support. I have to remember that. We have done the counseling thing off and on and he really has no interest. He just gets mad and smokes more. The last counselor we went to did say that he could tell that I am on the edge of hitting it big in what I have been doing. He says that I have been laying the groundwork for some really good things and that sometimes one person in a relationship grows and the other one doesn't. He says it isn't a good/bad thing, just something that happens. But he did say that he could see that I am moving on from H. I have been miserable and trying to figure a way to get out of this bad scene and I started talking to a friend of mine. I have know him for about 10 years and we see each other in a local group of people. He is a very supportive guy who just got divorced from someone who was very needy and clingy. And the thing is, he has always watched me over the years. We would be in a big group of people and he would just stare at me. And make comments (good ones!) about how I look, etc. and I haven't always been comfortable about it because we were both married. And sometimes when I felt he was paying too much attention to me, I have backed away. And since his marriage was starting to end he would make comments about wanting to see more of "friends" and talk about how he would really like to see me. And that he has missed visiting with me. All of this just makes me feel great now because I have always enjoyed visiting with him and he has never been as crude as my H has been. (I tell my H about something good that I am doing and he plays with my breasts or ignores me. Lately he has been picking fights with me over stupid things.) And I have made myself calm down by reminding myself that this is all talk and he just got divorced and I am just starting all of this divorce stuff. But I cannot help but think about him and how over the years he has been very supportive and helpful. He has always been a great friend and we have a lot of the same interests. When I first met him, I thought we would not get along in our group of friends because he was so knowledgable about things that I didn't know if we would have much to talk about. And what is nice is that my H used to say how I would probably leave him for some young stud who was smarter and with my friend all we would do is talk and it was just so easy and I never had to keep telling him that I thought he was smart, sexy, etc. So, now I am letting my mind wonder and I am getting all distracted and hot and bothered. I never planned to have be the one in an A, but I have become so attracted to my friend over the past few months that I think all I need is a little push and things will start to happen, if you know what I mean. It is kinda scary and exciting to be thinking and feeling this way. I just had to get all of this out because I cannot think or concentrate. I really do not want to complicate things. But they are heading that way.
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Document EVERYTHING he does and go see a lawyer! Protect yourself and your kids. Oh yeah, he may 'run' from his kids, but the laws are against him (depending where you live and child support laws) so he can run but not hide.
White Flower Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I feel like I am going to just burst! I am probably going to make no sense at all . . . It is kinda scary and exciting to be thinking and feeling this way. I just had to get all of this out because I cannot think or concentrate. I really do not want to complicate things. But they are heading that way. Good God! I feel for ya, I really do. But if you really are looking to D your H, do it now BEFORE you start something with this friend. If you think he'll be impatient just think of all the great tension it will create. At least get physically separated. It will only be messy and later you might be full of regret:o Keep us posted.
Author VivianGirl Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 I know. I even kept the porn pics he downloaded. I got after him for doing that because our kids have access to the computer. I have a record of when he took money and I think I even have copies of the emails from the women who responded to his ad.
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 So, now I am letting my mind wonder and I am getting all distracted and hot and bothered. I never planned to have be the one in an A, but I have become so attracted to my friend over the past few months that I think all I need is a little push and things will start to happen, if you know what I mean. Put that on hold, you do not need that in your life right now. Also, don't give your H ANY reason to make you look like a bad parent. You must stay on the straight and narrow so tell that 'friend' to back off, and stay away from him until your D is final.
Author VivianGirl Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 I know I need to wait and not be stupid about this. I try to remind myself that my friend is a great reminder that someone can actually treat me good and make me feel good. And the thing is with kids it makes it more complicated. And I don't know if my friend would like an instant family. He knows how many kids I have, but it is different when they are right there in front of you sometimes screaming their heads off.
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Don't focus on your 'friend' at all right now. Whatever happens later after the D, worry about it then. Besides, after you D is finalized, you might want to be alone and deal with the changes that will happen, not only for you, but for your kids. Getting involved so quickly with someone else isn't a great idea.
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