GreenEyedLady Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 "My lawyer" is my brother who just happens to be one of the top matrimonial attorneys in the country, so trust me, I know exactly what I'd end up with. Your brother/attorney is not the law...even attorney's have to follow the law...And now I'm done with that...
NoIDidn't Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I have been away for a few days, so I am entering this a little late but wanted to add my two cents. I don't quite understand why it is so important to the OWs for the BWs to kick their H to the curb just because he cheated when it is so clear that the OW wanted him too. Yes, it is common to advise the betrayed to give the same person that cheated on them another chance - if they show that they want it and are willing to earn it. This person is married to them. They owe it to them to at least fix it or leave it knowing that they both tried their best. Yes, it is common to tell the OW to leave him alone. Why? If she leaves him alone she doesn't have to deal with the contradictions of being the OW herself. Knowing the man is cheating on W and family. Knowing that she is a secret to those in his "other" life. The pain that she endures from the R is enough to tell her to leave him alone. But in spite of all that I just wrote, it all depends on the situation being presented. We only can respond to what is written. If a W says that sheh loves her H, why not advise her to give the M another go? If an OW repeatedly posts about her many conflicts and personal pain of being the OW, why not advise her to leave the man alone? There have been many MM who have been advised to leave their Ws. There have been many Ws advised to leave their Hs, too. Maybe its just selective reading on the parts of some of us in only seeing the cases where the W is advised to stay and the OW is advised to go.
frannie Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 But in spite of all that I just wrote' date=' [b']it all depends on the situation being presented[/b]. We only can respond to what is written. If a W says that sheh loves her H, why not advise her to give the M another go? If an OW repeatedly posts about her many conflicts and personal pain of being the OW, why not advise her to leave the man alone? There have been many MM who have been advised to leave their Ws. There have been many Ws advised to leave their Hs, too. Maybe its just selective reading on the parts of some of us in only seeing the cases where the W is advised to stay and the OW is advised to go. I agree, it does depend on the situation being presented, and the individuals concerned. I think that you are a poster who does take that into account, NID. Not everyone does, of course...
Impudent Oyster Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Your brother/attorney is not the law...even attorney's have to follow the law...And now I'm done with that... No kidding? My brother is not the law, but he knows matrimonial law like no one's business, he's one of the best in the country. Look, the bottom line is, I know EXACTLY what I would end up with ACCORDING TO THE LAW, and I would not have to go to work, I would not have to leave my home, and I most certainly wouldn't be paying him child support. Not many women end up paying their exhusbands child support...I take it he has custody? I won't even ask how that happened, but yes, if you're working and making more than your husband, you aren't going to get any maintenance and possibly no child support. It's not that difficult to figure out. Are you always this thick?
TogetherForever Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 Are you always this thick? :laugh:I wish I was allowed to answer your question IO:laugh: TF
White Flower Posted November 9, 2007 Posted November 9, 2007 I have been away for a few days, so I am entering this a little late but wanted to add my two cents. I don't quite understand why it is so important to the OWs for the BWs to kick their H to the curb just because he cheated when it is so clear that the OW wanted him too. Yes, it is common to advise the betrayed to give the same person that cheated on them another chance - if they show that they want it and are willing to earn it. This person is married to them. They owe it to them to at least fix it or leave it knowing that they both tried their best. Yes, it is common to tell the OW to leave him alone. Why? If she leaves him alone she doesn't have to deal with the contradictions of being the OW herself. Knowing the man is cheating on W and family. Knowing that she is a secret to those in his "other" life. The pain that she endures from the R is enough to tell her to leave him alone. But in spite of all that I just wrote, it all depends on the situation being presented. We only can respond to what is written. If a W says that sheh loves her H, why not advise her to give the M another go? If an OW repeatedly posts about her many conflicts and personal pain of being the OW, why not advise her to leave the man alone? There have been many MM who have been advised to leave their Ws. There have been many Ws advised to leave their Hs, too. Maybe its just selective reading on the parts of some of us in only seeing the cases where the W is advised to stay and the OW is advised to go. Well said, and I agree.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 No kidding? My brother is not the law, but he knows matrimonial law like no one's business, he's one of the best in the country. Look, the bottom line is, I know EXACTLY what I would end up with ACCORDING TO THE LAW, and I would not have to go to work, I would not have to leave my home, and I most certainly wouldn't be paying him child support. Not many women end up paying their exhusbands child support...I take it he has custody? I won't even ask how that happened, but yes, if you're working and making more than your husband, you aren't going to get any maintenance and possibly no child support. It's not that difficult to figure out. Are you always this thick? Umm, no he doesn't have custody, I do...I had to pay ALIMONY not child support, if that's what you want to call it... So I take it YOU don't have a JOB? Why am I not surprised?
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 GEL, did you have to pay Ailmony because you made more money than him? Someone I used to work with makes more money than her husband and she's wondering if she'll have to pay him. (No their marriage didn't end because of an A...)
NoIDidn't Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Umm, no he doesn't have custody, I do...I had to pay ALIMONY not child support, if that's what you want to call it... So I take it YOU don't have a JOB? Why am I not surprised? Hey, hey, hey. I don't have a "paying" job. Is that a crime these days? I used to make three times what my H made. That is how we got to this point. I am a little sensitive about that if you couldn't tell.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 GEL, did you have to pay Ailmony because you made more money than him? Someone I used to work with makes more money than her husband and she's wondering if she'll have to pay him. (No their marriage didn't end because of an A...) Yes I did...and I was real steamed about it because I had only been working for a month and half (I had stayed home with my babies until my youngest was a toddler) but that didn't matter...Besides, I really wanted out and would have paid any amount of money to divorce him... Your friend's H doesn't have to take the alimony, they can come to whatever agreement they want...If he wants alimony, it's all by formula and designed to accent what you would have had in the M...And you're entitled to it for 1/2 the time of the M, except if you've been married 10+ years, then it's for life or until the partner receiving alimony remarries...But Alimony is also a tax write-off...
GreenEyedLady Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 Hey, hey, hey. I don't have a "paying" job. Is that a crime these days? I used to make three times what my H made. That is how we got to this point. I am a little sensitive about that if you couldn't tell. Ohhh, you don't have to be sensitive about it... I stayed at home with my babies at one time, too...Until they were old enough for me to not feel guilty leaving them... And I'm lucky that I love my career and it's family-friendly, so it's the best of both worlds...
whichwayisup Posted November 10, 2007 Posted November 10, 2007 It's just something they've been discussing. Thanks Gel.
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