sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 last thursday, my wife of 10 years (together 15) left and took my kids away, and i don't know where they are. i am devasted and shocked by her actions. for the last 4 years, i have supported her and our family while she went to school. she left, even removed our 2 daughters from school, and has disappeared. i have sat at home staring at the walls for days. it hurts SO BAD. more than anythig, i miss my girls. i have always been there for them since they were born. i love my family, and feel like i can't go on without them. not sure what will happen next. it hurts so bad. SAM
Ocean-Blue Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 last thursday, my wife of 10 years (together 15) left and took my kids away, and i don't know where they are. i am devasted and shocked by her actions. for the last 4 years, i have supported her and our family while she went to school. she left, even removed our 2 daughters from school, and has disappeared. i have sat at home staring at the walls for days. it hurts SO BAD. more than anythig, i miss my girls. i have always been there for them since they were born. i love my family, and feel like i can't go on without them. not sure what will happen next. it hurts so bad. SAM You need to get yourself a lawyer ASAP. I know you're overwhelmed with emotions right now, but you really do need to get legal counsel to see where you stand. Do you know why she left? Did you two have a major fight? Were there problems in the marriage? Can you call friends/family to provide you with some emotional support right now?
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Blue- i am working on that. yes, we had a fight on thursday. the stress in our lives has been overwhelming, but we were supposed to go on a weekend getaway, until she left. she took the kids out of school early, and disappeared. my mom passed away recently, and i don't feel like talking to most of my friends about this. i am just hurting so bad.... at first, i went 4 nights with no sleep at all. now, i sleep about 3 hours per night. if it weren't for my girls, i would have no reason to go on. SAM
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 i am desperate need of support. my mental state is not well. lack of sleep, and food has taken it's toll on me. i love them so much. just can't understand why this is happenening.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Sam, you are in no emotional condition to really deal with all of this right now. What you need is to talk to someone (face to face) about what is happening. Your daughters well being is at stake...you need to pick yourself up and figure out how to proceed. You don't have a single friend that you can go to about this? What makes you think you can't go to a friend with this? Do they know about the problems that you've been having with your W? There are local distress centre lines you can call. It's important to speak to someone about all of this. How about family? Glad to hear you've gotten yourself a lawyer.
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 we had a great relationship for so long. had so many great times and great memories together. most of all, i miss my kids and worry about them so much. i am in fear of losing control
Ocean-Blue Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 we had a great relationship for so long. had so many great times and great memories together. most of all, i miss my kids and worry about them so much. i am in fear of losing control Was there any abuse on either your part or hers? Seems so strange that she'd just pick up and leave like that! What you're feeling, this sense of "losing control" is very normal. Your world has been temporarily turned upside down - you are bound to feel helpless. That's why you need someone to be there for you, be it a friend or relative. It's great that you're reaching out for help on LS. I hope you find some peace and sleep in the next little while. You're going to need your strength.
Tony T Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 The ten year mark must be epidemic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t134938/
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Blue- thanks for posting my wife has always been a good mom, and i know my kids are ok with her. and yes, i have spoken to my dad about this, but i haven't talked to the lawyer about it yet. i did receive an email from her yesterday, but it wasn't very clear about her feelings. she is the type that runs away from problems, but she hinted that we should try to make it better. my problem is that she is making me wait, while she is in total control. SAM
Ocean-Blue Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Blue- thanks for posting my wife has always been a good mom, and i know my kids are ok with her. and yes, i have spoken to my dad about this, but i haven't talked to the lawyer about it yet. i did receive an email from her yesterday, but it wasn't very clear about her feelings. she is the type that runs away from problems, but she hinted that we should try to make it better. my problem is that she is making me wait, while she is in total control. SAM You're dad is a great start! I don't mean to be pushy...BUT, you REALLY need to get in touch with a lawyer Sam. She has taken your children away from you, there are legal repercussions to her actions. You have as much custodial rights as she does. I hope you sort through this mess soon. Your daughters are the ones that are caught in the middle.
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 no Blue- no abuse. just some arguments, and accusations on both sides. she said that she needed time to rest and that we coulod communicate more effectively.
Float Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 The most important thing you need to realize is that what you're feeling is horrible, but it is temporary. It will be resolved one way or another and I would imagine if it was because of simply a fight, they'll all be back soon. Don't do anything that you might regret or that might hurt your chances of things turning out well. You've got a lawyer. That's a good thing. I'm not sure about the legality of the situation, but it sounds like if you're worried about your kids' well being, you should call the police. Like I said, I'm not sure about that aspect, but it would probably be something I would do, regardless. Hope everything turns out alright, man. Edit: You got an email from her. That's good. See if you can arrange a meeting with her to simply talk things out.
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 yes, my dad is helpful, but he is a no- nonsense type of guy. kinda hard to talk to. and yes, i will be seeing a lawyer next week. she said in the email that we should talk next week about what to do. i don't know what make of this. why is she making me wait?? and YES, the kids are the most important in this situation. at this point i only want what is best for them. i feel i could live w/o her, as long as my kids are here with me. my kids are so great
Float Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Are you in regular contact with her? If so, demand that she meet you ASAP. You seem like a good guy, and while these situations are very complicated, she most definitely owes you an explanation at the very least.
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Float- i have called the police. all i could do is file a missing person report, but even if they found her, they wouldn't tell me where she is. lawyers say there is not much to do besides filing divorce papers, and, serving her, and finding her that way. may even require hiring an investigator. it seems too soon for that. i just want to see my kids..
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 no, float, her phone is turned off, and she only sent the email on thursday. the message was vague, with little explanation.
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 we had a fight, i made accusations. i wonder if i was right, or did i just push her away. it doesn't seem likely that she would be seeing someone, with my children there to witness it. she has also made accusations toward me (false) it has always been a trust issue with us. i do know that we have had great times and love each other so much SAM
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 she said she wants to talk to me next week and figure out what to do. she DID say that she hopes i can bear with her and we can work it out. i am not sure if i can forgive her for what she has done this time.
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 it is so hard to talk about with any one. the weekend is especially hard. i am so tired of just hiding out inside my house. the weather is so nice. i wish i could out with my family enjoying some fun outdoor activity. absolutely heartbreaking.
alwayshurt Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 SAM, I think you should take it easy. She wrote you and she said you will talk next week. I know your anxiety level is high right now and you are worried but re-acting as you are it will make it worse. You need to relax and just use this time to think about yourself and what you really want. It is a possibility that she needed this space to cool down and next week everything will be back as it was. I hope it for you. For now, don't make any assumptions. The fact that she contacted you it is a good sign, at least she did not disappear. Your kids are going to be fine and you will have all the time to see them again, no matter what the outcome of this situation will be. Just take it easy
Float Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Well, the best advice I can give to you, and it's not ideal, but you just gotta wait and talk to her. It seems like you want to work things out, and she probably is just acting rash, so things will probably turn out alright. What I'd do is just try to relax. Just breathe and be optimistic. It sounds like a tough situation that'll be resolved. When you meet with your wife, just state your feelings as articulately as possible and you'll be fine. I realize that your wife and children are not with you, but they're not gone. As for the weekend, I'd call up a friend. Head to a bar, see a movie (American Gangster is worth seeing), take a long drive.. do something to get your mind off the situation. It seems like, from an outside perspective, things will end up alright. She agreed to meet with you, and that's reason enough for hope.
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 it just feels like she is TRYING to make me hurt. the worst thing is that it is the kids who are being hurt in the process. so not fair to them. why would she do this?? so hard to understand. and, yes, i did call a crisis line, but they only asked me if i wanted to take my life. being dead now would probably feel better, but i have those 2 reasons to live, and i will NEVER give up. they said i could check in at the nut-hut, but it is not an option. i MUST be ok for my girls. i know i will see them soon. also, this weekend was supposed to be my youngest daughter's b-day party. so depressed, and no one to talk to
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 i can't go anywhere, or do anything. i'm stuck in here, and my truck is almost broken down. she took the car. also i am trying to keep working, but it is becoming increasingly hard. everything is falling apart on me. i have tried so hard to make improvements in our lives.....
Float Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Well, then just take a walk. Enjoy the fresh air. Read a book. Do something recreational. Work probably isn't the best thing, as it only adds more stress. Just watch some TV and turn off your mind for a little bit. It can't hurt.
Author sam840 Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 my mind races. one minute, i think i hate her for what she has done, then next i remember the good times and miss her so bad. more than anything, i think of what my kids are thinking. i have never felt this way. it seems i am losing my mind. how could she hurt me so bad?
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