krazy4ah Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 for almost 3 years. He is wonderful to me and makes me feel complete. Unfortunately, his divorce has been going on this long as well. I want more than anything to be with him and not have to "hide", so to speak....he spends every possible minute he has with me. He's helped me immensely with financial issues, taken me on vacations, etc. I couldn't ask for better treatment from a man/relationship. I was married 14 years and was treated like dirt. This man treats me like I am a queen. I'm having a hard time understanding sometimes why this divorce is taking so long. I do know there is A LOT OF $ involved and that ***** doesn't deserve most of it, but is fighting. How do I cope? I love him and have committed myself to this relationship for life.
Mustang Sally Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Good luck with that. I'm sure you'll get plenty of other posters who offer you advice with this. Fasten your seatbelt... Just a few questions I have. How did you come to be involved with this particular MM? Were you divorced when you two met? Have you asked him why it is taking so long for the divorce? What does he say? Why do you think his W doesn't deserve any remuneration/compensation in the proceedings? Do they have children? How long have they been married? Does she work outside the home? Anyway, I hope it works out satisfactorily for everyone involved. Peace.
Author krazy4ah Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 We used to work together and drive together into work. Yes, I was divorced and honestly he was like an angel from heaven. We became very good friends, then fell deeply in love. Money is the biggest issue it is taking so long. She is money hungry and wants it all (which she's already been told it's not going to happen). One child, married and living outside the home. She does work outside the home. I believe she probably is entitled to some funds, BUT she wants everything...alimony, etc. I'm not giving up...I'd be crazy too. I get discouraged a lot because none of his family knows of me. I feel sometimes like I don't exist. He doesn't make me feel that way, I just do. Only a few of my close friends and parents know of this relationship. I know my parents are hesitant, but at my age, it's my decision. You only live once and I want to be with him.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 One child, married and living outside the home. She does work outside the home. I believe she probably is entitled to some funds, BUT she wants everything...alimony, etc. No kids at home to stay for and, since most states have some force of "no-fault" divorce, what has prevented him from getting a legal separation and being with you full time ? Mr. Lucky
Letranger Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Hmm... How old is the child? Does he still want to actively raise the child once he divorces his wife? I hope you don't feel to much resentment towards his wife. He may be sticking her with a difficult situation, and i don't blame her for wanting a large amount of the money. She may be asking for all just so she can be bargained down to a decent amount. The wife is most likely hurt by the entire situation. How important is the money compared to the happiness of you both?
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 So you are the OW. See, he hasn't told anyone about you because of how his wife will react. Does she know about you? Are you around their child? Look, it's their marriage and how they end it, is none of your business -Meaning- let him deal with it! Stay out of it otherwise he'll resent you later and she could make him pay even more if you get involved. Remember too, this woman, his soon to be ex wife WILL be in your lives forever! You could be stepmom to his child so maybe you need to make peace with this and look at her in a different light. (are you 100% sure that he is telling you the truth of what is going on)
Precious210 Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 You are actually dating someone elses husband, a man of covenant. Why have someones other half. They are one and thats very sacred in the Lords eyes. Have enough respect for yourself to leave him alone until he can get a divorce because I have been there. Someone will end up hurt in the end.
michaelk Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 If you really love him, let him do what he needs to. It might be difficult for you, but he has to deal with his marriage in his own way. Patience is your only course of action. Anything else will just be making things harder on everyone involved.
LifesontheUp Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 for almost 3 years. He is wonderful to me and makes me feel complete. Unfortunately, his divorce has been going on this long as well. I want more than anything to be with him and not have to "hide", so to speak....he spends every possible minute he has with me. He's helped me immensely with financial issues, taken me on vacations, etc. I couldn't ask for better treatment from a man/relationship. I was married 14 years and was treated like dirt. This man treats me like I am a queen. I'm having a hard time understanding sometimes why this divorce is taking so long. I do know there is A LOT OF $ involved and that ***** doesn't deserve most of it, but is fighting. How do I cope? I love him and have committed myself to this relationship for life. Ok I'm going to be blunt here and point out what stood out from your post in the hope that you open your eyes a little. You may not have meant it to come across as it did but you slag off his wife saying she is money hungry yet you harped on in your first post about how he helped you immensely with financial issues, taking you on vacations etc etc. Sorry to me that isn't love and is similar to what you say his wife is doing. Though to be honest his wife does have a right to a fair settlement from the divorce, she's his WIFE and bore him a child. She contributed to the marriage whether you like it or not. He will have got to where/how he is today with her help and support. You are carrying on with another womans husband who TELLS you for the last THREE years they are divorcing. Sorry but I went through a problematic divorce with money issues but THREE years with no dependant child to cater for.......he's very likely stringing you along. In other words he's enjoying having the best of both worlds, a cake eater and very likely feeding you what you want to hear so you will stay around. He's content to have you both I'm afraid. Apologies if this is off the mark but this is what I get from what you've written.
OpenBook Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 for almost 3 years. He is wonderful to me and makes me feel complete. Unfortunately, his divorce has been going on this long as well. I want more than anything to be with him and not have to "hide", so to speak....he spends every possible minute he has with me. He's helped me immensely with financial issues, taken me on vacations, etc. I couldn't ask for better treatment from a man/relationship. I was married 14 years and was treated like dirt. This man treats me like I am a queen. I'm having a hard time understanding sometimes why this divorce is taking so long. I do know there is A LOT OF $ involved and that ***** doesn't deserve most of it, but is fighting. How do I cope? I love him and have committed myself to this relationship for life. There's no guarantee that HE won't also treat you like dirt, once (or if??) you become an "official" couple. He may be treating you so well because he is angry with his W. Remember, he probably treated her like a queen in the beginning of THEIR relationship too. It's amazing how marriage can take two people and make them so bitter and miserable. Be careful what you ask for.
LifesontheUp Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 We used to work together and drive together into work. Yes, I was divorced and honestly he was like an angel from heaven. We became very good friends, then fell deeply in love. Money is the biggest issue it is taking so long. She is money hungry and wants it all (which she's already been told it's not going to happen). One child, married and living outside the home. She does work outside the home. I believe she probably is entitled to some funds, BUT she wants everything...alimony, etc. I'm not giving up...I'd be crazy too. I get discouraged a lot because none of his family knows of me. I feel sometimes like I don't exist. He doesn't make me feel that way, I just do. Only a few of my close friends and parents know of this relationship. I know my parents are hesitant, but at my age, it's my decision. You only live once and I want to be with him. Why is he HIDING you after all these years? If he's going through a divorce and loves you, then why hasn't he let everyone know you are the love of his life? Oh yeah, cause his wife will want more money from him. But if that's the case and he truly wants to be with you, loves you so much then that won't matter will it?
Author krazy4ah Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Thank you all for all of your posts. I realize EVERYONE will have their own opinion and that's why I decided to post this. His son is in his 20's and married. I understand what you all are saying and thank you for your opinions.
4whatItsWorth Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 Um...so you honestly think a man who will cheat on his wife, string an OW along with empty promises...while he has a CHILD to be a role model to isn't going to do the same to you one day? You're up for a reality check. Nobody knows of you because you are his dirty little secret. He doesn't WANT his wife to know so that he can string her along. You know nothing but what he tells you of her - she might be thinkning things are fine and know NOTHING about this so called "divorce proceedings". Face it, if he truly wanted to be with you...the money wouldn't be what mattered the most to him.
Author krazy4ah Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 The wife does know about us. I mentioned the $ issue to him Friday evening. He disagreed, but I think I made him think a little. Honestly, I sometimes wonder, but please don't pound me...you don't know me at all. I've never been in a situation like this and really am not too proud of it. I'm not a big religious person, but I do believe. If it's meant to be, it will be. I have to stay positive for myself. I lead a normal life otherwise, job, my own place, my dog whom I love dearly. I've been blessed with a lot in life and have to stay thankful for everything that has been given to me. I am very fortunate. Like I said, thank you all for your posts. I wanted to hear what others had to say. Also, everyone is different. Some might agree to what I'm doing because they may have been in a situation similar and some others may totally disagree and blast me with "he'll probably treat me the same as his wife", etc. I hope you have a nice day.
LifesontheUp Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 The wife does know about us. I mentioned the $ issue to him Friday evening. He disagreed, but I think I made him think a little. Honestly, I sometimes wonder, but please don't pound me...you don't know me at all. I've never been in a situation like this and really am not too proud of it. I'm not a big religious person, but I do believe. If it's meant to be, it will be. I have to stay positive for myself. I lead a normal life otherwise, job, my own place, my dog whom I love dearly. I've been blessed with a lot in life and have to stay thankful for everything that has been given to me. I am very fortunate. Like I said, thank you all for your posts. I wanted to hear what others had to say. Also, everyone is different. Some might agree to what I'm doing because they may have been in a situation similar and some others may totally disagree and blast me with "he'll probably treat me the same as his wife", etc. I hope you have a nice day. My apologies for being so blunt earlier. My posts were only meant to try for you to open your eyes a little to see what others outside can see but you can't because the situation is too close to you. If his wife knows about you then why oh why if they are going through a divorce are you still kept as a secret? This must be very hurtful to you and I think you must be wondering quite seriously about these things or you would not have taken the time to post on here. I still think he is a cake eater and will not leave his wife. The money is only an excuse in my opinion. I wish you luck with your choices and hope that maybe one day you will realise that it is not the best choice to get involved with a married man and find someone that is fully available to you i.e. a single guy.
Author krazy4ah Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Apologies accepted. I chose to stay out of the pic from the beginning, but now I want to be made a part of his 'whole' life (with his family, etc). He has been staying at a family members house because the tension is too much. She has called the law on him many times just trying to get him in trouble, when all it was was arguing (normal thing when people divorce).
Tyra Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I don't know why the divorce is taking so long, or how do you cope. All I know that you shouldn't be having a relationship with this guy. What goes around comes around.
whichwayisup Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 I mentioned the $ issue to him Friday evening. He disagreed How he handles the end of his marriage, the divorce and the $$ factor is HIS business, not yours. You don't have a right to dictate how you want things to go...Stay out of it, and just support him and his choices if he needs that from you. Sorry to be harsh but I think you're also worried about how all this is going to affect you, money wise. Like if he gives her a good chunk of his change, he'll be spending less on you.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 4, 2007 Posted November 4, 2007 If his wife knows about you then why oh why if they are going through a divorce are you still kept as a secret? This must be very hurtful to you and I think you must be wondering quite seriously about these things or you would not have taken the time to post on here. I still think he is a cake eater and will not leave his wife. The money is only an excuse in my opinion. krazy4ah, if you spend much time here, you'll find that your story isn't that uncommon. People that are married do get involved with other people that they fall in love with. Happens all the time... What's different in your situation is the timeline. There is no reason, financial or otherwise (absent children), for a man to remain in a failed marriage for 4 years. If he really wanted to leave and be with you, what would have stopped it from happening 3 years ago? 2 years ago? Last year? It would seem that he has been content to have both you and his wife during that time. Doesn't that make your relationship with him more than a little one-sided? Mr. Lucky
Author krazy4ah Posted November 4, 2007 Author Posted November 4, 2007 Mr. Lucky... I know you're right. I'm not sure how much more my heart can take. I was in a failed marriage and I don't ever want to have another relationship that awful. Not that one with him would be, but my heart has some rough edges because of things I've been through with the ex. Emotionally, I can't handle it. Life is too short to be unhappy. Thanks for your reply, Mr. Lucky.
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 7, 2007 Posted November 7, 2007 Ok I'm going to be blunt here and point out what stood out from your post in the hope that you open your eyes a little. You may not have meant it to come across as it did but you slag off his wife saying she is money hungry yet you harped on in your first post about how he helped you immensely with financial issues, taking you on vacations etc etc. Sorry to me that isn't love and is similar to what you say his wife is doing. Though to be honest his wife does have a right to a fair settlement from the divorce, she's his WIFE and bore him a child. She contributed to the marriage whether you like it or not. He will have got to where/how he is today with her help and support. You are carrying on with another womans husband who TELLS you for the last THREE years they are divorcing. Sorry but I went through a problematic divorce with money issues but THREE years with no dependant child to cater for.......he's very likely stringing you along. In other words he's enjoying having the best of both worlds, a cake eater and very likely feeding you what you want to hear so you will stay around. He's content to have you both I'm afraid. Apologies if this is off the mark but this is what I get from what you've written. Exactly. Can't believe she bought that line. I doubt anyone in mid-divorce is going to splurge on anyone in that manner either. The wife does know about us. I mentioned the $ issue to him Friday evening. He disagreed, but I think I made him think a little. Honestly, I sometimes wonder, but please don't pound me...you don't know me at all. You don't know the wife either but that doesn't stop your ignorant judgements I've never been in a situation like this and really am not too proud of it. I'm not a big religious person, but I do believe. If it's meant to be, it will be. I have to stay positive for myself. I lead a normal life otherwise, job, my own place, my dog whom I love dearly. I've been blessed with a lot in life and have to stay thankful for everything that has been given to me. I am very fortunate. Like I said, thank you all for your posts. I wanted to hear what others had to say. Also, everyone is different. Some might agree to what I'm doing because they may have been in a situation similar and some others may totally disagree and blast me with "he'll probably treat me the same as his wife", etc. I hope you have a nice day. I see a different picture painted. You are a needy, desperate woman whose only companion in life is her dog. You latch onto a mm expecting him to help you out financially all the while verbally ripping apart his wife. You are a sad woman who will buy into all his bs because you have nothing else in life to look forward to.
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