Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 well here was her last attempt at an text apology back in October...of course she uses distance as an excuse which was not the case since I found the distance too hard. sorry it was hard to not want to see other guys especially since we didn't know the future. thanks for the good times together my reply I thought we had a future in that we considered having kids together. I can understand the distance but you cheated before the distance. It was unfair of you. I did nothing to deserve that but I wish you well her reply Please stop making me feel guilty when I apologize. Just forget about it. I don't want to hear from yu anymore if it is just going to be negative I don't know if she is actually capable of seeing her what she really did or does she just bury it....b/c she just prides herself on being perfect emotionally, physically(she's a tri-athlete) and morally...etc Sweetheart, you were way, way too nice. She completely controlled that exchange. Your reply: Most human beings can control themselves. Apparently you can't. It appears you lack basic human morals and an ability to remain committed. Pretty weak. You've done me the favour of making me see who you really are and making me realize that I settled with you. No more settling for me in the future. Go find yourself a patsy who will put up with your low behaviours.
serendip Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Sweetheart, you were way, way too nice. She completely controlled that exchange. Your reply: Most human beings can control themselves. Apparently you can't. It appears you lack basic human morals and an ability to remain committed. Pretty weak. You've done me the favour of making me see who you really are and making me realize that I settled with you. No more settling for me in the future. Go find yourself a patsy who will put up with your low behaviours. This was my last reply to her I know your text was meant to be an apology but it came across as a justification for your actions. it doesn't matter anymore. i am happy with the knowledge that you once truly loved me. it washes away the negativity and the memory of your person will linger. thank you I just didn't see the point of arguing anymore and I didn't want the last words I ever say to her to be negative b/c she really did mean a lot to me...also in September I had already sent her a long winded email stating what she exactly did to me ...plus I still feel guilty for what I did to her after I flipped out... I read her emails which was a violation of her privacy...she did give me her password a long time ago but forgot about it...I never read it until I was suspicious of her then I lost myself to the emotion of the situation and sent her fake emails to screw with her head I felt really bad about that...I should have walked away I don't think she really feels remorse or guilt or she just burys it b/c it would be too hard for her to handle emotionally...it also doesn't help that I let her off the hook all the time. I think it's easier for her to demonize me by thinking I have insecurity, jelousy and anger issues (she doesn't see the correlation that her cheating might cause these issues) then to recognize her own weakness issues. But what ever the case may be...someone else has to deal with her now.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Understood. It's your choice how you choose to handle it and you did it in your own way. But...it's also your choice to push it, if you really wanted remorse.
serendip Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Understood. It's your choice how you choose to handle it and you did it in your own way. But...it's also your choice to push it, if you really wanted remorse. I don't think you can push someone for remorse...I think the more I push...the more it validates her choices(cheating) b/c I would come across as an a-hole who keeps on bringing the subject up If she feels remorse or guilt...it should come from her...no amount of me yelling or whining about it will make her feel it It's been 6 mths since our breakup and she still does not accept responsibility for her actions...maybe she never will...who knows. All I know...I'm only responsible for myself...and my behaviour wasn't exactly boyscouttish. If she is fine with things...good for her...I have to deal with the aftermath of this whole situation. I still feel the loss but I know it will become better in time. I guess I'm just curious to know if she feels any guilt or anything...human nature I guess.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I don't think you can push someone for remorse...I think the more I push...the more it validates her choices(cheating) b/c I would come across as an a-hole who keeps on bringing the subject up If she feels remorse or guilt...it should come from her...no amount of me yelling or whining about it will make her feel it It's been 6 mths since our breakup and she still does not accept responsibility for her actions...maybe she never will...who knows. All I know...I'm only responsible for myself...and my behaviour wasn't exactly boyscouttish. If she is fine with things...good for her...I have to deal with the aftermath of this whole situation. I still feel the loss but I know it will become better in time. I guess I'm just curious to know if she feels any guilt or anything...human nature I guess. Yes you can. Been there, done that and did it effectively. It's how far you're willing to go, at the cost to yourself. Everything has a price tag associated to it. Your choice was to walk away, at less cost to yourself. A good methodology if it gave you what you needed. My choice was to push until I got what I needed. A good methodology? For me, yes, it was necessary. I have no more questions or needs from him.
serendip Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Yes you can. Been there, done that and did it effectively. It's how far you're willing to go, at the cost to yourself. Everything has a price tag associated to it. Your choice was to walk away, at less cost to yourself. A good methodology if it gave you what you needed. My choice was to push until I got what I needed. A good methodology? For me, yes, it was necessary. I have no more questions or needs from him. I'm curious...how did you push for remorse? My ex and I are not in contact...like her last text says...she doesn't want to hear from me.....and myself I'm just trying to let things go
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I'm curious...how did you push for remorse? My ex and I are not in contact...like her last text says...she doesn't want to hear from me.....and myself I'm just trying to let things go Keep in mind we were married and he didn't want to separate or get divorced. I got a PI on his derriere and did some snooping on my own. For every lie, I had proof it was a lie. It's difficult not to face yourself, when you can't avoid the issue.
serendip Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Keep in mind we were married and he didn't want to separate or get divorced. I got a PI on his derriere and did some snooping on my own. For every lie, I had proof it was a lie. It's difficult not to face yourself, when you can't avoid the issue. Well at least you found out the truth and confronted him about it. I have already wrote everything about what happen in a long email back in September. There's nothing more I can do...at this point. I don't think she will ever contact me anymore. She emailed that she just wants to forgive each other...forget about things and move on with our lives...in early october At that time I wanted to know the undelying reason why she cheated on our relationship...so I can gain some insight and it might help my next relationship
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Well at least you found out the truth and confronted him about it. I have already wrote everything about what happen in a long email back in September. There's nothing more I can do...at this point. I don't think she will ever contact me anymore. She emailed that she just wants to forgive each other...forget about things and move on with our lives...in early october At that time I wanted to know the undelying reason why she cheated on our relationship...so I can gain some insight and it might help my next relationship Cheating is an issue within the cheater. Something inside of them is broken, in that it caused them to make selfish choices for reasons of personal validation, at the expense of others. You know you're not one of these people. Take great comfort in that.
jessica2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I cheated on my ex-boyfriend.And i dont know why.I loved him more than anything in this world.I treated him like a prince.I could have married him.But I did cheat on him.I was drunk[just a fact not a scapegoat].I feel horrible.I never thought i coudl cheat on anyone.Im searching internally for answers to why.But i know see cheating is more complicated than it seems.
bish Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I wonder if cheaters feel guilty or if it takes them a while...like a delayed reaction They only feel guilty after they have been caught.
serendip Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 They only feel guilty after they have been caught. ...not if you keep on forgiving them for it
bish Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 ...not if you keep on forgiving them for it True, thats why I will never forgive a cheater and there will be no 2nd chances. They don't deserve it.
Trialbyfire Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I cheated on my ex-boyfriend.And i dont know why.I loved him more than anything in this world.I treated him like a prince.I could have married him.But I did cheat on him.I was drunk[just a fact not a scapegoat].I feel horrible.I never thought i coudl cheat on anyone.Im searching internally for answers to why.But i know see cheating is more complicated than it seems. jessica, you do need to search internally for the answers of why you cheated on your b/f. I've had too much to drink before but never cheated, never kissed another man in a sexual fashion, never touched another man in a sexual fashion, never had an emotional affair, never flirted with intent, while committed to someone else. This isn't about me being better than you. It's about the fact that others can stop themselves. It's also about what's inside of you that requires this type of external validation or inability to control base needs. Alcohol just lowers inhibitions and allows the offender to indulge in something that's already inherent.
jessica2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 jessica, you do need to search internally for the answers of why you cheated on your b/f. I've had too much to drink before but never cheated, never kissed another man in a sexual fashion, never touched another man in a sexual fashion, never had an emotional affair, never flirted with intent, while committed to someone else. This isn't about me being better than you. It's about the fact that others can stop themselves. It's also about what's inside of you that requires this type of external validation or inability to control base needs. Alcohol just lowers inhibitions and allows the offender to indulge in something that's already inherent. Everyone told me when he broke up with me that i shoudl just learn from the whole thing.I can say honestly that i dont feel ive learned from it.I feel i wont until i find out the real reason to why i cheated on him.But i havent been able to figure it out.Then one day while i was thinking,i thought am i just supose to learn that i shouldnt drink as much?I feel there has to be something deeper than that.But what you said Trailbyfire had got me thinking maybe it is just that.And now that i think about it when he broke up with me he said maybe youll see that you shouldnt drink so much when you do drink.Thank you for the thinking juice
Trialbyfire Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Everyone told me when he broke up with me that i shoudl just learn from the whole thing.I can say honestly that i dont feel ive learned from it.I feel i wont until i find out the real reason to why i cheated on him.But i havent been able to figure it out.Then one day while i was thinking,i thought am i just supose to learn that i shouldnt drink as much?I feel there has to be something deeper than that.But what you said Trailbyfire had got me thinking maybe it is just that.And now that i think about it when he broke up with me he said maybe youll see that you shouldnt drink so much when you do drink.Thank you for the thinking juice jessica, you've misinterpreted what I said. I don't think it's alcohol driven. I think it's a commitment issue. You didn't take your commitment to heart or felt that your immediate needs superceded your commitment.
daisydufas22 Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Why do people cheat? Here's my opinion........ 1. They are insecure 2. They can justify it in their head 3. They have no self control 4. They have little/no self esteem 5. They lack respect for themselves, their partners and the other person 6. They don't deal with issues/problems well.....so they cheat to 'escape' 7. They are NOT honest with anyone including themselves 8. They sabotage their own happiness for whatever reasons 9. There is no real stock standard answer for why a person cheats. All I can say is that the cheater needs to work on their own issues and not drag innocent people down with them! Cheating hurts! Cheating is pointless! Cheating is a waste of time! Jessica...... please get some counselling, it may help you work out these issues. Jessica...... maybe the problem is deeper than what you think, know what I mean? I think you are a good person but need to look at this issue from a different point of view. I have known people who cheat because they don't feel they deserve to be happy. I have also known people to cheat because they use it as an 'escape' from problems. I know you were drunk but please look deep inside yourself and ask why...... I wish you all the best
Author bloodaye Posted December 7, 2007 Author Posted December 7, 2007 man,u guys r gettin me all wrong,im stating things from experience,its not made up gender bashing BS,just for the sake of it,i love women,its just that i think i am unconciously attracted to the ruffn tumble types and end up getting it up my ass,im actually a decent dude and im very emotional either way good or bad,and maybe im my worst enemy,i care too much,i think too much and dwell,i need to vent somewhere and where else am i gonna do it? It doesnt help when i get these wierd ass responses,sometimes i wish i was a heartless jerk,id b better off 1
Shane7 Posted December 8, 2007 Posted December 8, 2007 Great thread... Yes, I was recently cheated on.. (Little over a month ago), and the most frustrating thing about the whole scenario was this... I NEVER got a reason why. Selfishness? Obviously. Stupidity? Obviously. Insecurity? Obviously. But nothing from her mouth. She insists to this day that she just doesn't know. (She was drunk... ha..ha...ha!! She actually was, but thats Not an excuse. I'm not a tool.) She swears up and down she "cared about me" and all of this crap.. Yet, like others have said, if that were the case, why did it happen in the first place? I personally believe she was just a very selfish and weak person, especially considering she did this right after I got out of the hospital, which she also stayed with me at... Damn. Some people just confuse the hell out of you..no? Either way, I've walked out on the relationship. When someone displays that large of a "split-personality" disorder, you just have to run.. It just isn't healthy. No?
xAkulax Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 What do think makes people cheat I have been thinking about this for a long time wondering why some are willing to sacrifice so much for an empty fling and why there are some who could never do it what makes them different what make them tick. So i'm asking you all a question which I know is loaded but i'm curious and would like your opinion what do you think makes a cheater cheat and a none cheater stay true.
Philosoraptor Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Their moral compass, or lack of one. Simply enough, someone with morals and respect will end the relationship before banging someone else.
painfullyobvious Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Selfishness, entitlement, narcissism, frustration and unhappiness just to start. People decide to cheat that's why I never understood it just happened excuse. People either give up working on a relationship and seek "happiness" for themselves or they seek escape. Other people believe it is morally wrong to cheat no matter what so they do not. Honestly I think the difference on why a person cheats or not is a matter of honesty and morality. I have noticed that with cheaters I have been with and known that sex isn't the only place where dishonesty occurred. A moral compass is important to people in a relationship. That is why it's important to research your partners past before taking major steps. My ex cheated in the past and admitted it. She cheated with me. I thought she'd be different with me. Nope
Keenly Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Lack of self control, many times brought on by alcohol and the irresponsible use of it.
William Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 As this is a commonly asked question on LoveShack, for both convenience of searching and reading, moderation has consolidated a thread on this topic in GRD. Members who desire specific opinion on their own suspected or confirmed affairs may outline their experiences and seek answers to their personal inquiries in our Infidelity or Other Man/Other Woman forums. Thanks!
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