Rooster_DAR Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 But 6 months? What was she doing that she has to be away for 6 months? And what the hell is a boss thinking sending a married person away for that long with a co-worker of the opposite sex? Or was it another female and they just both went clubbing and looking for men? She works for an insurance company, so when a major disaster strikes they get deployed on site to take care of claims. Sometimes the they stay for months at a time, and no she flew out alone along with employees from other divisions in the US. And what the hell is a boss thinking sending a married person away for that long with a co-worker of the opposite sex? Exactly!!! Apparently cheating runs rampant on these deployments as my EX pointed out one time, and I guess she could not resist what everyone else was doing. I hold the company responsible for a least not having some courses on keeping yourself together when your away from your spouse. Cheers!
Author bloodaye Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 Bloodaye....meet Frank. anyone else reading this? what the hell?
lindya Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 anyone else reading this? what the hell? I don't want to leave you feeling completely confused, so I'll try to explain. Based on the way you're looking to present yourself on the forum. The username, the avatar and the "grow up bitches/daddies girls" posts have created a certain image of you in my mind. I suspect that you deal with ridicule (and I have absolutely no doubt that you are quite often on the receiving end of ridicule) by getting angry/outraged. Cultivating some kind of aggressive "don't mess with me, f*ckers" hard man image in an effort to stop people from laughing. Acquiring a kind of Hell's Angel Lite image that only makes other people laugh even harder. I don't wish you ill, but when I logged on and saw this anyone else reading this? what the hell? I laughed so hard that tears literally came to my eyes. Rather than foaming over the mouth about the fact that women in their thirties can sometimes behave somewhat immaturely (a fact I personally can't deny) you could perhaps just let yourself derive some amusement from your own raging-toddler-like tendencies. I think life would probably start being a bit less painful for you if you could do that.
Trialbyfire Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 I think this thread lacks some "Baby momma drama". OP, lindya as usual, has some great points. You might want to read what she's trying to communicate to you, in her very own lindya style, before bringing out the blood dagger. Btw, all men would cheat if given the opportunity to do so, therefore, they need to be kept on a tight leash and trained to heel. Do you agree, bloodaye?
serendip Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 I don't think it matters what gender you are...both cheat. All I know is cheating is a selfish act. My ex cheated on me and to this day....I'm still hurt by it. I thought our relationship was pure and beautiful...as was the way we love each other. Now I don't know what to think...it's kind of tainted those feelings and sullied our relationship as a whole.
lindya Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 You might want to read what she's trying to communicate to you, in her very own lindya style, before bringing out the blood dagger. Not only am I afraid of the blood dagger, but my conscience is prickling me. Bloodaye - as TBF is suggesting to you, I'm really just trying to encourage you to lighten up enough to laugh at your own furious venting. Haven't you ever seen an angry dog spinning around in the back of a car and howling while children tap on the window and make faces at it because they're enjoying the reaction? You might well have all kinds of reasons for feeling angry with the female gender just now, but applying a bit of reason and humour will help you to keep things in proportion. That way, you're less likely to be that dog who howls and spins for the entertainment of the children it's so offended by.
Trialbyfire Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Not only am I afraid of the blood dagger, but my conscience is prickling me. You're no fun. Spittle for spittle.
lindya Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 You're no fun. Spittle for spittle. Stop that. I've spent the whole day spinning and howling.
Trialbyfire Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Stop that. I've spent the whole day spinning and howling. *taps on the window and watches in fascination*
b0iiana Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 haha ur funny *taps on the window and watches in fascination*
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 haha ur funny Thanks boiiana, although I'm just following lindya's lead. And what a good lead she is.
b0iiana Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Thanks boiiana, although I'm just following lindya's lead. And what a good lead she is. thats true:)
Rabida Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I agree with the general idea that cheating is wrong, however you all make sound like a person who cheats hasn't tried hard enough to fix things. But what if they have tried everything to fix the issues in the relationship? I agree that the best thing to do would be to leave the relationship though.
lindya Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I agree with the general idea that cheating is wrong, however you all make sound like a person who cheats hasn't tried hard enough to fix things. But what if they have tried everything to fix the issues in the relationship? I agree that the best thing to do would be to leave the relationship though. People sometimes only realise/decide there are serious problems in a relationship after they've cheated on their partner. I think it's human nature, when you screw up and let another person down, to look for reasons that let you opt out of responsibility to a certain extent....but once a cheat gets into that game, how can their partner respect and trust them again? I know that I find it a lot easier to forgive someone a mistake/error of judgement/betrayal if they can look me in the eye and say "I messed up big time, and I can't give you any rational excuse." In that situation, I might even be able to consider what problems there had been in our relationship that we both should have taken some responsibility for identifying and addressing...though I'd need a cooling off period first. I certainly wouldn't take kindly to having that kind of "you're at fault here too, you know..." analysis foisted upon me by someone who'd just f*cked me over. If various "....here are the problems with your behaviour and with our relationship ..." revelations only come after they decided to cheat on you (and my personal experience as well as other people's who I've discussed this with suggests that that's more commonly the case...) then the cheat and their reasons have zero credibility. That's just a case of a cowardly, dishonest individual finding ways to feel okay about the fact that they've betrayed someone.
Meaplus3 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I mean besides the obvious,why i ask is because i would never in a million yrs cheat on my partner no matter how unhappy i was.What i would do b4 i ever consider cheating is bow out of the relationship well b4 i would **** someone over like that. What goes through theire heads? Do they not feel guilty? I mean how the hell can you come home to your partner,right after you have been with someone else and feel good about it? What kinda mentality is that? Just could never figure that one out. For me it was a combination of a bad marriage, issues with myself, and a strong desire to feel younger and desirable. I did not feel guilty at first because I was so caught up in this giant Fantasy with mm, however after sometime the guilt caught up with me and when it did it hit me hard. AP:)
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I agree with the general idea that cheating is wrong, however you all make sound like a person who cheats hasn't tried hard enough to fix things. But what if they have tried everything to fix the issues in the relationship? I agree that the best thing to do would be to leave the relationship though. Once again, these are issues within the cheater. Everyone makes hundreds of choices a day. Shall I have the bowl of fruit for breakfast or the bag of chips? Six months worth of a conscious decision to have a bag of chips for breakfast will result in a whole lotta' fat content for your body. So...who's choice was this? Perhaps the chip manufacturer, maybe the retail store forced the choice? If the retail store hadn't stocked the chips, maybe the person wouldn't have eaten them, therefore, wouldn't have gained the weight. Keep in mind this same person resisted buying chips for 10 years.
serendip Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I wonder if cheaters feel guilty or if it takes them a while...like a delayed reaction
reboot Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I wonder if cheaters feel guilty or if it takes them a while...like a delayed reactionSome do. Some eventually do. Some never do.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I wonder if cheaters feel guilty or if it takes them a while...like a delayed reaction Every cheater and relationship, is subtlely different. Part of how they feel and where they end up, is driven by how the cheatee handles the situation, how intense the affair was and the composition of the primary relationship.
serendip Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 I think my ex has a hard time accepting the fact that she cheated b/c she prides herself on being a moral person. I think she burys it and just wants to forget about it.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 You're guessing serendip, although it's possible. If you need to know, get it from the horse's mouth.
serendip Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Every cheater and relationship, is subtlely different. Part of how they feel and where they end up, is driven by how the cheatee handles the situation, how intense the affair was and the composition of the primary relationship. Interesting...what do you mean by how the cheatee handles the situation? In my case...she told me last november that she hug a guy and they send each other a few emails. So I forgave her and try to let it go...and I ask her what she wanted...she told me she wanted to still be with me...so I told her she shouldn't keep in contact with the guy then. At christmas I found out she still kept in contact with the guy and she didn't exactly tell me the whole truth...she did more then hug him...she spent the night cuddling with each other in bed (no sex)and it wasn't a few emails...it was tons....and in one she told the guy that she loved him We just argued back and forth during christmas...but she finally stop contacting the guy and it took me til april to truly forgave her. But she went behind my back and saw the guy again in May(went for dinner). I just flipped and screwed with her head....she got mad at me for manipulating her feelings. But I wonder if she truly feels guilty? when she apologizes she always has an excuse and she doesn't seem to accept responsibility for her actions. One moment she acknowledges cheating...the next she says she barely did anything and says I over-reacted. The funny thing is that she's a naturopath doctor dedicated to helping others.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Interesting...what do you mean by how the cheatee handles the situation? In my case...she told me last november that she hug a guy and they send each other a few emails. So I forgave her and try to let it go...and I ask her what she wanted...she told me she wanted to still be with me...so I told her she shouldn't keep in contact with the guy then. At christmas I found out she still kept in contact with the guy and she didn't exactly tell me the whole truth...she did more then hug him...she spent the night cuddling with each other in bed (no sex)and it wasn't a few emails...it was tons. We just argued back and forth during christmas...but she finally stop contacting the guy and it took me til april to truly forgave her. But she went behind my back and saw the guy again in May(went for dinner). I just flipped and screwed with her head....she got mad at me for manipulating her feelings. But I wonder if she truly feels guilty? when she apologizes she always has an excuse and she doesn't seem to accept responsibility for her actions. One moment she acknowledges cheating...the next she says she barely did anything and says I over-reacted. The funny thing is that she's a naturopath doctor dedicated to helping others. From your story, I don't see any real guilt or remorse from her. Also, if you set hard boundaries, you have to stick to them and be willing to walk away if they exceed those boundaries, no excuses accepted. If your boundaries are soft for a cheater, they will walk all over you.
serendip Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 You're guessing serendip, although it's possible. If you need to know, get it from the horse's mouth. well here was her last attempt at an text apology back in October...of course she uses distance as an excuse which was not the case since I found the distance too hard. sorry it was hard to not want to see other guys especially since we didn't know the future. thanks for the good times together my reply I thought we had a future in that we considered having kids together. I can understand the distance but you cheated before the distance. It was unfair of you. I did nothing to deserve that but I wish you well her reply Please stop making me feel guilty when I apologize. Just forget about it. I don't want to hear from yu anymore if it is just going to be negative I don't know if she is actually capable of seeing her what she really did or does she just bury it....b/c she just prides herself on being perfect emotionally, physically(she's a tri-athlete) and morally...etc
serendip Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 From your story, I don't see any real guilt or remorse from her. Also, if you set hard boundaries, you have to stick to them and be willing to walk away if they exceed those boundaries, no excuses accepted. If your boundaries are soft for a cheater, they will walk all over you. Yeah that was my problem...I was so in love with her that I kept on forgaving her for her selfish behaviour But I didn't find the truth out til last May...from the time she told me in November til last May...I just thought she hug a guy and light exchange of emails When I became suspicious in May...I decided to read her emails and found out the whole truth....and I flipped out and screwed with her mind
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